In my previous post, I said that I would be chill and just .... go with it. Believe me, I'm trying. But, every now and then, I slip up and my brain starts thinking too much and making things up in my head. When will this stop?
So, I've done it before and I'll do it again. It may be time to forget New M. I let the same thing happen to me with him as it did with a bunch of previous guys. They come on so strong in the beginning and lead me to think they want so much more than just friends that have fun, one on one. They make me think I matter the most in their life (at the time) and then, BAM! The bomb drops that all they want to do is have fun, no strings. Our time together is then reduced to just friends that hang out and I no longer matter or am the attraction that made them once upon a time, jump for joy whenever they heard from me.
But, before I put New M in the discarded pile of boys, let me recap the weekend....
Friday night, I stayed close to home, partying like a rockstar at our nearby Seafood bar and grill, but still got to sleep early. There were no plans with new M because when I asked earlier in the week if he had plans, he thought I was going to be riding, so he made plans with his guy friends to check out First Friday in Chinatown. I thought that was cool. But, the whole time, I kinda wished I heard from him ... which, I did not. But, I was fine with it.
So, we text on Saturday a bit and make tentative plans to hang out later and watch movies at his place. I spent the day with M and B doing errands, getting my new Galaxy S3 while betrothing my S2 to M. That lifted my spirits pretty high! M had plans that night to attend a birthday party, so I, again, had no babysitter. It was fine because new M cancelled our plans since his friends needed his "help" that night. So, we were on the way to dropping M off in Kailua when I get a text from new M saying he was heading home and asked me over if I wasn't too tired. I was surprised, but I said "sure" and that I needed time to go home and freshen up.
Long story short, I got to his place just before 11pm and we stayed up pretty late watching a few movies, playing on YouTube and talking. And, taking shots. Man .... ugh. Anyway, he busts out this bottle of Japanese whiskey and tells me that he's been waiting for me to drink it. See, while I was on Maui, he wandered into Marukai on Dillingham while waiting for his windshield to be fixed nearby and bought this bottle since it was different, and Japanese. Anyway, I was written all over his thoughts in this purchase (besides it being whiskey, his favorite) and I thought it would be gone way before I got back. Wrong. His words - "I've been waiting for you." So, we drink it and it wasn't that bad, I have to admit. A lot smoother than his boyfriend, Jack. Haha ...
So, he gets me drunk off a few shots of that and the next morning, my head isn't feeling so good. Try as I might, I can't sleep for shit so he gets up and makes me a hangover cure. Apple juice and a shot of jack chugged really REALLY works. It's crazy. We end up sleeping half the day away and then finally wake up to run some errands and grab a late lunch. After that, it was back to the bat cave for more movies, live concerts and shenanigans.
On Monday, we did more of the same, but this time, I wasn't hanging. Thank goodness! I actually got a LOT of sleep this past weekend thanks to New M wanting nothing more than to chill .... and his really comfy bed!
Upon returning home that afternoon and getting B squared away with her fall break homework and such, new M texts me to come back. I thought it was funny because I hadn't been gone more than hour or so. I wanted to, but wasn't able to for a few hours. Boy was out of booze and hungry. Think he wanted me to go with him to get these things. I was cool with it, but before I could leave, he texted back that his friends might need him and that he'd let me know.
So, I stayed home since I had no babysitter and I was pretty tired. He wanted the company, but understood my remaining home.
And, now it's back to barely any texts during the week and that's usually where my mind wanders. I know I'm partly worried for nothing because I know he likes being with me as much as I like being with him. It shows when we're together ... and, that makes me feel good. But, also messes with my head just a little.
Maybe this tough decision doesn't have to be made yet ... into or not into the discarded boy pile does he go? I'll give it a little more time.
Thanks for reading ... that was a long one!
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