Inspired

I just had a little chat with one of my friends that recently got her first motorcycle, a jet black Honda CBR600rr. Beautiful. So Jel, but SO INSPIRED!! Inspired because, for one thing, she's a chick and I really dig chicks that ride, and at the time of her purchase (which was a steal on craigslist; and it wasn't a piece of crap), she didn't know how to ride!! 

Though, I did want to be able to ride my bike off the lot, or wherever it's going to come from, it's very possible for me to save, save, save and get my bike as soon as I can! I have a few friends that will teach me to ride, so I'm not worried about that part. 

There I go again .... letting my head float away with the exciting possibilities. It's always good to have dreams, rather goals, right?

I just had to share my enthusiasm. Continue on with your day, readers! 

Halloween weekend ... a BUST!

That's right, readers. It was a bust! Saturday night, everything got shut down because of a tsunami watch for the Hawaiian Islands. Canada's earthquake generated a scare here in the islands and people were freaking out.

B and I had been out and about all day with M, so around 8pm, when I tried to fill gas, the lines were just ridiculous! Sirens were going off, and so was my phone. Text messages, phone calls and tango calls to warn us (if we didn't already know) that there was a tsunami watch for the islands and to get to high ground.

Before the gas station/super market frenzy started, we were having a great day. B and I met M at Ruby's for lunch and a small shopping venture at the mall. Then, M surprised me with babysitters while we caught an early showing of Silent Hill: Revelations. That was a nice surprise since I was dying to see it in the first weekend it was out. It was just as creepy as the first one and I loved it! 

After the movie, we grabbed some McD's before picking up B from his parents place. It was when we got to their house that the sirens started sounding. I remember them being louder ... but, B was still freaked out by them. If you've never seen Silent Hill, you won't get this, but I thought it was so ironic that right after we caught that creepy-ass movie, emergency sirens all over the island start going off! Crazy! It really felt like the darkness was coming.

Other than that, the weekend was pretty relaxing. Sunday, we went back to church after missing the last few months. It was nice ...

Today has been non-stop since I came in. Plus, we had our boss' day lunch which was nice, too. Yummy Hawaiian food! Now, it's just about the end of my day and I am sucking down hot green tea with honey. I feel a bug coming on. But, I won't let it get me ... must flush it out!! 

One more thing ... to all those affected by hurricane Sandy, you are in my prayers. 

Good night, readers.   

You sent me WHAT??

So, the other night, I was on that dating site checking messages (no, not looking for dates)  when I came across this one from a pretty cute guy that seemed mellow. Looked like we had a lot in common, so I thought it would be nice to talk and share some dating war stories. We messaged each other a few times before he gives me his number to text.

Red flag. Red flag because I told myself I wouldn't accept anyone's or give out my cell number anymore. It just seemed too soon to start getting that personal. My gut was so right on this. 

Anyway, we start texting and as soon as we get passed the greeting pleasantries, he starts pressuring me for pictures. He sends me a few of him, no shirt, of course ... to show off his ripped upper bod. I didn't ask, he just sent them, sort of like "I showed you mine, now show me yours." Man, I really hate guys who are so forward like this. So, I sent him a clean one of me. Nothing dirty. Then, he starts pressuring me for naughty pictures. I mean, come on! We JUST met. His excuse was that he likes sex and there's no use dancing around the subject. I guess that could be true, but I don't dig guys that have no tact and are just too blunt. I can already see why this guy is single. 

At this point, I'm starting to get irritated, but I try to be nice and move off the subject. But, the more I tried, the more he pressed. AND THEN, I get an MMS download. I think, another picture of this guy to convey that not only is he vain, but annoying about making me see that he IS the one for me. Ugh. So, I open the message and, there it is in all of its naked glory ... his JUNK! I HAD to laugh! He captioned it 'now that that's out of the way, we can move on'. I mean, WTF? Who does that?!?

Needless to say, the conversation was pretty much over after that. He tried pressing me harder for a return picture of my naughty self, but there was absolutely no way that was gonna happen. 

Haven't texted that guy since. What a weirdo. But, if any of you ladies are interested in seeing this guy's package, email me. I'll give his info, too, in case you want to contact him. 

Now, how's that for weird?? HAHAHA! Have a super awesome Friday, readers!

Dream ...

I'm a motorcycle girl ... and I want a motorcycle guy. Sigh. Is it too much to ask for? I guess, right now it is.

There's this picture that one of my riding friends posted on her wall this morning. As I looked at it, I couldn't help but think that I want that in my guy. Whomever he is. I want us to share in the love of motorcycles as well as in the love of us, you know?

Anyway, this is the picture I was referring to ....

Posted on Facebook - not sure where it's from.

I think the cosmos are all out of line for this at the moment. I'm in a place of organization and, unfortunately, getting my bike and learning to ride is way at the bottom of the priority totem pole.

Not saying it's not my passion anymore, it most definitely is. But, I have other things to take care of first. Work now, play later.

So, until the divorce goes through and I get a couple other things out of the way, my dream of finding someone to enjoy this sport with me will have to wait. I guess it will teach me some much needed patience. I am always practicing the art of patience, and it isn't always easy. But, I try.

Tomorrow is bike night and I am missing it, yet again. For a good reason, though. M and I will be attending B's first pumpkin carving night at her school. We need to bring our own pumpkin to carve, but the school will be serving pizza for dinner. B is very excited! 

On Saturday night, my friends are doing a first ever, costume ride. This should be interesting as I had a hard time coming up with a biker-friendly costume. Finally decided on one a few nights ago. It shouldn't be too hard putting this costume together ....

credit to en.korea.com

Yup, that's the chick from the 'Gangnam Style' video. I'm gonna be her. I learned the dance and everything! Don't really care if I look ridiculous doing the dance all over the place (which I will be), I'll be having fun.

My actual costume for Halloween is kind of still up in the air. If I can get to the fabric store in the next few days, I might be able to pull off "Athena" from Immortals.  I don't know though .... the hardest part of that costume is her headdress. Although, I am especially great with doing headdresses, I don't think I'll have the time to get this one looking and fitting perfectly. 

So, I still have my back up plan .... "Nefetiri" from the Mummy Returns. I have done several of Nefertiri's costumes in that movie and used the headdress/mask that I made to go with each costume. The mask always scares the living crap out of people. I absolutely love it! Wore it to work last Halloween and freaked everyone out every time I got into the elevator. It was great. 

I'll try to dedicate a post just to Halloween and all the costumes I've done over the years. It's one of my favorite holidays and, up until B was born, I made my elaborate costumes and, M and I dressed up every year. After B, it was pretty much all about her. Other than taking her trick-or-treating around our neighborhood, we really don't do any fun adult Halloween stuff like going to Waikiki or the Crazy, Sexy, Ghoul ultimate Halloween costume party. Haha, so this costume ride on Saturday should be a good time ... different, anyway. 

I think I'll wrap this post up here. Forgot how I love using pictures in my postings ... I'll try to do that more! Happy-almost-the-end-of-the-work-day!!

Do we really care? No ....

Time for another facebook newsfeed rant .... Just a warning: the bitch is coming out on this post. 

This rant is dedicated to a certain "friend" on fb. She is SO annoying with her pictures and status updates. 

So, this fb friend must be in a new relationship because a few months ago, all her posts included her then-bf, whom I thought was an asshat to begin with. He hated people taking pictures of him and he was totally against fb. If there was a picture posted that he was in, he would tell that person who posted to take it down. He didn't even like his own gf posting about him or pictures of the two of them. He would get mad at her and make her remove them. Real jerkface. 

Anyway, this fb friend obviously LOVES posting about everything and anything she is doing with her current beau. Annoys the shit out of me. I mean, yes I can be happy for the fact that she is in a relationship and it seems all peachy-keen. But, it's to the point where she's rubbing it in everyone's face. And, it's like COME ON! Who gives a flying crap about you and your ugly bf?! Yeah, I said it. Not to be totally mean, he just isn't my type. Anyhoo, together they are an annoying pair and I wish they'd get off my newsfeed. 

Oh wait, I can BLOCK them. HOORAY for the 'block' feature on fb. Phew! End rant. 

Once, twice, but not a third time.

After analyzing the short time New M and I had been hanging out, I've come to realize that I dated a guy like this before. Scary Airman guy back in November/December of 2011. (see my post back in March - Story time .... this one's a doozy) 

It still baffles me how New M was so interested in me when we met and in a matter of a few short weeks, his interests changed. Like SAG (Scary Airman Guy), he was texting me everyday saying how he couldn't wait to meet. And, after the first meeting, dude was ALL about how he couldn't wait to see me again. Telling me all kinds of stuff like, wanting to reach over the table, kiss me and then hold me all night long. And, calling me 'his girl' and saying things like, OH, I don't know ... I LOVE YOU. That shit messed with my head ... and my heart, most definitely. 

But, now that I think about it, his behavior was very unstable from the very beginning. 

It's been a week since we called it quits and I am glad it's over. At first, it hurt, but I think I was stuck on the first few weeks of us. I could feel a change after I came back from Maui, so I wasn't all that surprised. The details don't matter, just happy to be rid of the guy. Can't even be friends with him as he is too random with the shit he says and how he says it. Contemplating uploading his picture to my blog with a warning sign to girls everywhere: Stay away from this unstable liar of a man. 

Actually had a thought last night to upload pictures of ALL the jerks I've dealt with in the last year. With a warning to girls, of course. But, I'm not that mean. Some of them even read my blog. Yeah, you know who you are ....

Stay tuned ... I've got more. 

Weekend Post ... Gangnam style

Hah! No, not really Gangnam style. I just heard that song for the first time on Friday. Hilarious ... and catchy! I must learn this dance.

So, this weekend was a really good one. It started off on Friday when I picked up M from work. I mentioned something about "gangnam style" and he immediately looked the video up on Youtube since I had no idea what that was. Cracking up in the car all the way home. 

We get to my house and got B ready for the movie. "Hotel Transylvania" was so funny! I definitely enjoyed it just as much as B did. And, then on Saturday, we had a late lunch with M at Ruby's where he brought a felt poster to be colored. A bunch of the servers at the restaurant we're friends with, so they'd come by and hang out for a bit to color with B. Here's the end result ....

We spent about three hours there in the booth just eating, talking story and coloring this beautiful dragon. B did most of it with our touch-ups here and there. We'll go back there again with a new felt poster as B loves to have her aunties and uncles help her color!

That night, M watched B so that I could go and catch my movie at the film festival. It sold out, but that's alright. My friend and I went over to Tanaka Saimin where we got to talk and eat some good food. After that, we caught some live entertainment at Gordon Biersch. On our way there, we ran into some of my riding buddies going to check out the haunted house. It was my friend that I was sort of interested in about a month ago. And, it looks like he and the girl he told me about are getting more serious. Sigh. I mean, that's great and I'm happy for them. But, it kind of sucks because those two got together when New M and I did. New M and I are nothing now and they're becoming more of "something" together. 

Anyway, My friend and I hung out for a bit, watching the band and chatting here and there. And, then another one of my riding buddies comes by and chats for a while with us. Aloha tower was just the place to be on Saturday night. But, time was marching on and I had to get to picking up one of my girls. So, K drove me back to dole where I had parked my car, and then I went on my way. 

Pearl wasn't all the crowded when we got there. My friend was nowhere in sight and she hadn't reserved a table for her party, SO we didn't see her. But, we still had a blast with our drinks and blowing off steam on the dance floor.  As expected, my girls got hit on a few times while we were there, and I simply love that! I did, too but I'm not so vain that I have to go into detail about it. I just wanted to have a great time with them, and I did. 

After Pearl, we hit Kelley's where some more riding friends were chillin. Ended up closing out the night there. It was great to just relax and chat with everyone .... old friends as well as some new ones. My friends' band had been playing in the background and all was well at 2 in the morning. I did, however, meet someone. He's young, probably too young for me, but he sat next to me and introduced himself. Very cute white guy ... and in the military. Go figure. We talked for a while, but no numbers were exchanged. Just names for facebook friends. I don't know if he's searched me on facebook ... he may have changed his mind since I gave him my blog address. Hahaha .... anyway, it was a good time and if I never hear from this guy, it's no loss. 

Sunday was a little challenging with very little sleep the night before and having to stay alert for my twin nieces birthday party. I, for one, was so glad it was at my Grandpa's house since there were plenty of couches and beds to just chill and take a break on. I absolutely loved it, though. Just being with my family, and even the extended family always fills my heart. It's times like this when I wish I had someone special to share it with. But, I'm not gonna think about that or go into it right now. 

My nieces are just darling little ones! B and their other cousin, L had a blast with them. They did arts and crafts, played games, watched Winnie the Pooh and even played some water games outside where the twins ended up IN the water buckets having the time of their lives. 

So, that's the weekend post! I hope everyone is having a great week so far.... xoxo

It's just a little torture ...

Sometimes, I wonder why I do it to myself. The torture of watching some of my favorite shows. I have the morning off, so I decided to catch up on one of my shows. Absolutely love hulu plus for that. 

"Parenthood" is what I am watching and it's been a while since I've caught up on this show. Apparently, two whole seasons have been on tv and I had no idea. I remember this show to be very real to life. Very sad and depressing. I don't know if its because I can relate to things that happen in the different episodes, or if I just like to be in pain. Sometimes ... sometimes. 

Currently thinking about some of my latest mistakes. And, needing to get ready for work. I will be back later with the weekend post....

Speaking of ....

Facebook updates. Yeah ... I will admit that I have been so guilty of the daily updates lately. Some of you who are my facebook friends will notice that I'm logged in all day a few times a week. 

That is because when my office upgraded our computers and our system, all the sites that were blocked  with the old system were again free for browsing. Soooo ... I've been logging on to facebook more often, looking up videos on youtube and so on. Plus, my galaxy S3 lets me surf the net all I want, so when I'm not at my computer, I'm logged in via mobile. Sigh. 

It's just too much fun right now. 

In other thoughts, my latest post on fb comes from randomly seeing a friends' status update. She, I noticed, is STILL friends with some guy I dated almost two years ago. Talk about lazy .. or just wanting to keep her fb friends number up. Geez. 

Anyway, this guy that she befriended because I dated him wasn't around all that long. We knew each other for a total of four months and dated for two of those months. Long story short, this guy was NEEDY beyond belief. Wasn't my type at all, but I was starting to get out more and give dating a try. So, I gave it a go with him since he was very into me and we had a lot in common. I won't go into detail now since this guy is another post all on his own. 

So, I see my friends' post just now and notice this guy "liked" it and made a comment. I thought, What?? She's still friends with him? Oh man .... So, I click on his name and I see that his profile picture is of himself and a cute asian girl. Must be the new girlfriend. Poor thing. He's got a house-full of kids all on his own and when he was with me, he was looking for a new "mommy for his young ones." Talk about pressure, AND scary to boot! I shudder every time I think about it. I haven't posted that story yet because it still gives me nightmares. Though, it's a rather entertaining story that leads into another, and I'll write about it eventually. 

Now, I'm counting down the minutes until my weekend starts. Just fifteen more to go. Have a great Friday, readers!

Yesterday ....

It was a very good day. Yes, despite the pain I was in the night before, the whole day turned out very well.

Go ahead and laugh, but, I listened to my horoscope for yesterday and it wasn't all that hard. It said something about wanting confirmation (more than usual) that I'm a part of something special. I noticed this when I posted my current status on fb. I had to laugh when I read the comments because it seemed that, subconsciously, I WAS trying to get some kind of affirmation. I wasn't. But, I thought it was funny how my horoscope for the day came true. 

And, then after work, I go to pick up M since we had an appointment with Tmobile guy to jazz up our phones (screen protectors & covers, even some skullcandy). I was in a real good mood all day,  and M was too. We had a half hour to kill, so we headed to our favorite Pho place. Our server seemed to complete another part of my horoscope as she complimented on how "cute" I looked. She asked "where do you work that you get to look so cute?" I was so flattered! Not that I dressed any different from any other day of work, but I guess, some outfits stand out more than others that I wear. 

Anyway, it was a really feel-good sort of day. Today isn't so bad either. I was supposed to go riding with one of my riding boys tonight, but he's finishing up his Halloween costume tonight. Tomorrow night is the ultimate costume party over at Aloha Tower. But, I'm passing on it since my costumes are no where near being ready. Plus, it's family Friday night. M and I are taking B to see "Hotel Transylvania" after work. I can't wait!

Saturday night, I'll be catching a flick at the film festival with one of my good buddies. He and I have never met, but we've known each other a long time now. We text everyday and just started video chatting on Tango. After hanging out with him, it'll be girls night out as we head over to my friends' birthday extravaganza at Pearl. 

On Sunday, we'll be celebrating my twin nieces second birthday. So happy we'll get to see them! Miss then a lot! 

Then, it will be the second episode of the third season of The Walking Dead. Great weekend ahead!!

More Birthday Shenanigans ...

No, not MY birthday shenanigans, but a friend of mine is celebrating her birthday this Saturday. So, ladies, it's Girls Night Out and we're going all out at Pearl Lounge in Ala Moana. Comment/Text me for details and let's ROCK this bitch!! (the party, the PARTY.... haha) 

Birthday Recap

Yes, ladies and gents ... I am 25!! Yeah ... we'll go with that.

So, birthday night happened last month on the 21st. And it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E! It was a Friday, so the fun started right after I left work around 3pm. Shot it back to Kaneohe to get ready and then got picked up by one of my riding buddies. Riding to dinner on my friend's sexy CBR 1000rr was PERFECT. Dinner took place at a kind of fusion Japanese place where the food and drinks were oishii (delicious). We hung out for a few hours just eating and enjoying the evening. 

Then, after dinner, the real fun began. It was "Pirate Night" with a group of misfit friends in Waikiki where we pub-crawled to a few bars throughout the night. I was the only one that didn't dress as a pirate, but it didn't matter. It was my birthday. The drinks and the fun flowed freely and I had the best time. My date, New M didn't make it because of a late night at work, but after I was thru having fun out on the town, I cabbed it to his place. We partied a little more before passing out in front of the tv where "I Love You, Man" ended up watching us sleep. 

I really enjoyed birthday night, and I'm kind of glad I was dateless. It left me feeling free to have fun with anyone I wanted. And, I did! I'm not a party girl (anymore) so, I was amazed at how much I drank that night. Hangover cure the next day was much appreciated, though. That's one thing New M did right for me. I'll always remember that one.

For next year, I'm not sure what age I'll be celebrating, but it can only get better!

Need to let this go

Scrolling through my fb news feed this morning, I came across a friend's post that really made me think. 

I've been harboring too much hate with every bad dating/hang out experience I've had for much too long. It's made me cold and very skeptical, and yes .... a bitch. At least, now I've recognized it and can do something about it. 

Time to let the hate go. I've been hurt so much in these experiences, but I've also learned a lot. So, I can't say that it was all bad. I met a few really nice guys in the process, and fortunately, I've been able to keep them as good friends. But, I will say that the scale is very much unbalanced. The number of jerks and assholes more than outweigh the good guys. 

So, I begin a dating hiatus. What I want most is to be with someone special who won't take me for granted and who will love me as much as I love them. But, now is not the right time. Now is the time for a cleanse, a break from all the could haves and what ifs. I WAS looking for a potential partner, but alas, all my endeavors have failed and I am tired of trying. 

But, it doesn't mean the end of my blog. I'll still write about shenanigans and OH, do I have MORE dating stories to share. Just because I'm pausing on making new memories doesn't mean the well of old memories has dried up. No sir! This is going to be fun!

Stay tuned ....

What's your muse?

I am just realizing that, unfortunately, my muse is pain. When I'm hurting, that's when my creative juices flow. Not sure how creative I am at the moment, but I am in pain. 

I won't go into detail ... wounds are still too fresh. I may post about it tomorrow. Not tonight as I am too emotionally exhausted. And, it's late.

Goodnight readers. 

No, it isn't OK

Dude is not ok. And, I don't know what to say. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe, that's what's best for now. To say nothing. I won't offer to help because he won't take it. So, there's nothing I can do. It's beyond my control, and I am speechless. 

Words fail to convey just how I feel in this moment. Sigh.

Just too close ....

Ugh ... feels like I'm too close .... for anything right now. I'm on the verge of breaking down right here in front of my computer. At work. Go me. 

Not that I'm a religious believer in astrology, but my horoscope warns that I should stay away from confrontation today. I read this late last night and, being level-headed at the time, thought this was a good idea. 

This morning is a different story.

I can't dig my thoughts out of what's happening with new M. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No texts or calls. Nothing. Trying my hardest not to fully go bonkers at the possibilities of what could be going on here. But, judging from this past weekend, I think he's putting up a wall between us. He's said before that he doesn't need any more stress than he's already got. I agree .... who does? But, since we had that talk, I haven't put any kind of stress or pressure on him. 

Still, he won't let me in and it's more than a little distracting today.  I went about my day just fine yesterday focusing my energies on things going on during my day. But, I can't seem to pull that same energy today. Every thing I think of seems confrontational. I just wrote a text (but didn't send) telling him I'd appreciate being told if he doesn't want to see me anymore. I stopped myself from pressing send and thought this could end up very bad. 

Not what I want at all. I need to clear my head. 

Mistakes that make me laugh ...

Oh WOW. So, you remember motorcycle guy from the beginning of my blog, right? Well, I've been way over that for a very long time now and I just sent him a message on fb pretty much saying adios!

I was browsing his fb wall earlier today and noticed that he posts a whole hell of a lot for being overseas on duty. Yeah, he's been fine these past 10 months. He'll be back before I know it, but I won't hear from him. Damn fine with me. And, the reason being .... I look at him now and think "what was I thinking?" I know .... I'm terrible! But, it's true. I must have been wearing rose-colored glasses the whole time I was into him. Or, maybe it was the appeal of the motorcycle. Whatever it was, it's gone now. And, I made sure that I'll never hear from that guy again. 

But, you know .... I can't help but laugh at my callousness as I sat here, in the dark stamping out that little message saying that I was gonna unfriend him because we don't talk ... ever AND he isn't coming back to Hawaii for long. Soooo .... what's the point? If he wanted to be friends, he would have stayed in better contact. Plus, his updates on fb got so annoying that I blocked him from my newsfeed months ago. Oh, and I told him that. Yup ... great, isn't it?

So, I'm over it. I'm still laughing because I can be a real bitch sometimes, plus I'm so damn amused with how I handled that. It was a mean message and I really didn't mean to send it, but it happened. I wished him well, and then unfriended him. 

'Tis the start to my awesome night ..... still laughing. 

A little fun ...

After catching up on some shows, I decided to go out for a little bit. Went to visit M at work where he made me some food. And, then I had a thought. There's a film I want to see at hiff tonight and cute Tmobile guy is working today.

So, I go over to the store and wait until he's available to see me. I hover around the area that has screen protectors since that's what I'm looking to get for my S3. He comes over and we talk a bit and I ask him my S3-related questions. He's very helpful and after not coming in or seeing him for five months, he remembers my name. 

The questions are all answered and before he can ask if there's anything else I want to know or have a question on, I lay it out ... "are you seeing anyone?" He said yes, which I was not surprised. Dude's pretty cute. And, then he asked me why and says "cause you have a friend, right?" I thought how that was a weird comeback, but I really baffled this guy as he couldn't fathom that I was asking for myself. I say that I was going to catch a movie tonight and thought I'd ask if he was free. His reaction was even more surprised, but I didn't let it get weird. So, I told him that it was fine and it was a spur of the moment thing. He thanked me for the invite and I said that I'll see him next week (since I have an appointment for him to put on my screen protector). 

Yes, I got turned down, but at least now I know and I'm glad that I asked. I left the store surprisingly happy. Happy, because I know I planted the seed of curiosity in his mind and he'll be thinking about it til we meet again. 

Lazy day

Yes, it's a lazy Sunday for me. I actually have the day all to myself and I'm rather enjoying it. Little B is off for the day with her grandparents, M is at work and I am here, in front of my television just kickin' it. 

New M asked me yesterday to come over some time today, but I'm not feeling it at the moment. Just want to sit here, write and catch up on "The New Girl." I freaking love this show. And, not to mention the season 3 premiere of "The Walking Dead" is tonight. Can't wait! 

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend ...

This is Madness

No, it really isn't. It's just the song I'm currently listening to by Muse - Madness. Absolutely loving it. 

Despite my plans to go riding tonight falling through, I've had a pretty good day. I cancelled my bike night venture with the rest of the crew because I'll be spending some quality time with little B. 

Late last night, new M texted that he wanted company and asked me to come over. I wasn't going to since it was late, but I wanted to see him too. I got there just after 12:30 and we put in a movie after some witty banter and some much needed cuddling. I think I know why I'm so attracted to him ... I crave his touch and to feel his body close to mine. 

Anyway, I spent the night and left later than usual in the morning. He was NO help as he kept pulling me back into bed. Sigh. Why do I enjoy this time with him so much? It doesn't mean anything ... at least, not now. 

Trying not to think about it. 

So, I'm just about done with work and don't plan on seeing new M anytime this weekend. Tomorrow, we're going to catch the afternoon show of Cirque Du Soleil: Quidam. Excited.

Have a fun Friday night, all!

This is my stop ... right here.

I am having a doozy of an afternoon .... Please let me off here. I'm getting dizzy going round and round. This isn't fun anymore.

At the moment, I'm texting one of my good friends about my frustration. I'm done giving new M attention. If he wants me in his life as more, then he's gonna have to chase me down because as of right now, he is NOT a priority on my list. He isn't gonna like that so it's time to let HIM be frustrated and beg for the attention. Because ... I know he will. I'm not trying to be vain or anything ... it's just the way it goes, I've noticed. It's time I concentrate on other aspects of my life and leave that option open ended for now. 

I will make one last attempt at getting a date before I'm totally done for the while. Tmobile guy still works at the location I frequent and I'm gonna ask him out for the hell of it. Yeah. 

And, just like that ....

BAM! Comment, GONE. 

Not sure how many of you were able to see that comment left in my last post before I obliterated it, but it was posted by Movie man. Yeah. Haven't heard from him in MONTHS and all of a sudden he's interested in my blog. What a fucking prick.

So, I go on fb to message the guy to stay away from me and I discover that he had messaged me the day after we called it quits. Somehow, he found my blog which I purposely kept away from him since I write about my dating life. He's the type to get jealous reading about other guys I previously hung out with. Anyway, I don't care what he thinks about me or my dating life because I was never really in it with him. If you recall, I was very hesitant about putting up a "status" with the guy. When I finally did, it all came apart. For the better, I think. 

Now, I don't expect to hear back from Movie man, but I will be surprised if I do. He is blocked from my blog now and it's funny to think that he's been reading it for the last five months. 

Ohh man ... it's hilarious how they all seem to come back in one form or another. Yeah, I am THAT awesome. Bahahaha!

Patience is a Virtue

In my previous post, I said that I would be chill and just .... go with it. Believe me, I'm trying. But, every now and then, I slip up and my brain starts thinking too much and making things up in my head. When will this stop?

So, I've done it before and I'll do it again. It may be time to forget New M. I let the same thing happen to me with him as it did with a bunch of previous guys. They come on so strong in the beginning and lead me to think they want so much more than just friends that have fun, one on one. They make me think I matter the most in their life (at the time) and then, BAM! The bomb drops that all they want to do is have fun, no strings. Our time together is then reduced to just friends that hang out and I no longer matter or am the attraction that made them once upon a time, jump for joy whenever they heard from me. 

But, before I put New M in the discarded pile of boys, let me recap the weekend.... 

Friday night, I stayed close to home, partying like a rockstar at our nearby Seafood bar and grill, but still got to sleep early. There were no plans with new M because when I asked earlier in the week if he had plans, he thought I was going to be riding, so he made plans with his guy friends to check out First Friday in Chinatown. I thought that was cool. But, the whole time, I kinda wished I heard from him ... which, I did not. But, I was fine with it. 

So, we text on Saturday a bit and make tentative plans to hang out later and watch movies at his place. I spent the day with M and B doing errands, getting my new Galaxy S3 while betrothing my S2 to M. That lifted my spirits pretty high! M had plans that night to attend a birthday party, so I, again, had no babysitter. It was fine because new M cancelled our plans since his friends needed his "help" that night. So, we were on the way to dropping M off in Kailua when I get a text from new M saying he was heading home and asked me over if I wasn't too tired. I was surprised, but I said "sure" and that I needed time to go home and freshen up. 

Long story short, I got to his place just before 11pm and we stayed up pretty late watching a few movies, playing on YouTube and talking. And, taking shots. Man .... ugh. Anyway, he busts out this bottle of Japanese whiskey and tells me that he's been waiting for me to drink it. See, while I was on Maui, he wandered into Marukai on Dillingham while waiting for his windshield to be fixed nearby and bought this bottle since it was different, and Japanese. Anyway, I was written all over his thoughts in this purchase (besides it being whiskey, his favorite) and I thought it would be gone way before I got back. Wrong. His words - "I've been waiting for you." So, we drink it and it wasn't that bad, I have to admit. A lot smoother than his boyfriend, Jack. Haha ...

So, he gets me drunk off a few shots of that and the next morning, my head isn't feeling so good. Try as I might, I can't sleep for shit so he gets up and makes me a hangover cure. Apple juice and a shot of jack chugged really REALLY works. It's crazy. We end up sleeping half the day away and then finally wake up to run some errands and grab a late lunch. After that, it was back to the bat cave for more movies, live concerts and shenanigans. 

On Monday, we did more of the same, but this time, I wasn't hanging. Thank goodness! I actually got a LOT of sleep this past weekend thanks to New M wanting nothing more than to chill .... and his really comfy bed! 

Upon returning home that afternoon and getting B squared away with her fall break homework and such, new M texts me to come back. I thought it was funny because I hadn't been gone more than hour or so. I wanted to, but wasn't able to for a few hours. Boy was out of booze and hungry. Think he wanted me to go with him to get these things. I was cool with it, but before I could leave, he texted back that his friends might need him and that he'd let me know. 

So, I stayed home since I had no babysitter and I was pretty tired. He wanted the company, but understood my remaining home. 

And, now it's back to barely any texts during the week and that's usually where my mind wanders. I know I'm partly worried for nothing because I know he likes being with me as much as I like being with him. It shows when we're together ... and, that makes me feel good.  But, also messes with my head just a little.

Maybe this tough decision doesn't have to be made yet ... into or not into the discarded boy pile does he go? I'll give it a little more time. 

Thanks for reading ... that was a long one!

Just go with it

Yup, that's my new motto as of last night. Just going with it ....

After work yesterday, I went to visit new M near ala moana since that's where he was having some ink done. I had a happy hour date with two of my good friends, and some time to kill before that. So, I popped in and said "hello" while new M was in the chair. I looked around the shop, and asked some questions about the tatts I'm interested in. The woman there was very helpful and gave me all the info I needed.  

I didn't stay long since I had to get over to Stage to meet Mar and Nol. We did happy hour at one of our favorite places and talked, mostly, about my current dating life. Earlier in the day, I had been texting with Mar and she suggested happy hour after work. I was totally down since I needed some outside perspective on my current "hang out" guy, new M. I think I totally confused them both with everything we talked about, but one thing was for certain. Though new M is pretty hot, he likes hanging out with me. I feel the same. We have a good time without putting pressure on a future right now. He has his issues and I have mine, but we'll enjoy this time together and just see what happens. 

I've said this with other guys before, but I don't think I really meant it. With new M, I'm really going to try and just chill. Though he's got pretty big issues (one of them, alcohol), I feel like sticking it out ... at least for now. It's a good thing he's a happy drunk. I wouldn't be around if it were anything worse. 

Another topic came up last night which really got me thinking. I've been separated from M for 3 years. It's about damn time the divorce went through. 

Nol brought up a good point about that. All this time that I've been dating, I may have been subconsciously putting out that vibe that I'm not ready for any kind of commitment. When I think about it, makes sense. Lately, all I've wanted was to find that partner to be in a couple with again. Doing everything together and having a good time. But, with future potential. And, it seems that ultimately, I've been hindering myself because technically, I'm still married. 

Ugh, I know! It sounds horrible! Though, I feel like I'm single, I really am not. But, now that I think about it, being free and clear of my ex is an immediate goal! 

It's Friday, and definitely looking forward to going home. It's First Friday, too but I'm really not feeling it. Just want to have a quiet, laid back evening with my little B. New M is going to Chinatown tonight with his friend. That should be interesting .... Happy Friday!!

This roller coaster called ....

Life? Life and love? Or, love and SHIT?? Kinda wish it was more fun than it sounds ....

I know I can get off this roller coaster any time I want, but this time its a little harder. 

**Side note before I continue on - For anyone new to my blog, yes, I post a lot about my dating life, but that isn't all. It's just that I find it very therapeutic getting my thoughts about what's going on in that aspect of my life down in blog form. And, it can be entertaining ... for the reader and me, as well.

Anyway, I just spent the last week in Maui, the valley isle. It was beautiful, the weather was perfect and we had a nice, relaxing time. Prior to leaving on my trip, I spent the night hanging out with new M. Considering the amount of time spent with him already, I think we've gotten pretty close. I enjoy spending time with him .... whether we're going out or just staying in. And, when we're together, I know he enjoys it, too.

But, I came back last night and he didn't seem so enthused to hear from me. No, I don't think he's met someone else, it just feels like I'm becoming an option. He wanted me to come over last night and I was down, but when I was about to leave, his texts stopped. I know what that means. He passed out from too much drink. 

I start asking myself, "do I really want to put up with an alcoholic again?" That was a HUGE thing with M, and I swore I wouldn't stand by someone who needed to drink in order to deal with their problems. New M (yeah, his name starts with an M, too) is an alcoholic. He's told me he is and I've been witness to it every single time we've hung out. I've told him (jokingly) that if I never spoke to him again, he wouldn't know or care cause he's been drunk every time we were together. Forgetting me would require no effort. 

But, joking aside, that really kinda hurts. I don't think its worth it ... especially if I'm just an option to him. I don't want to admit it, but I should probably move on. 

Just makes me wonder how these guys can be such jerks. I mean, I know where they live, I know where they work and I have a blog. If I wanted to, I could splatter their pictures all over my blog along with my fascinating stories, and they'd never get a date again. 

They're just lucky I'm a nice girl. Time to go .... Night readers!