For anyone that thinks your ex can't stress you out and exhaust you emotionally, think again. I have been dealing with my ex for too long these past few days, and I am so beat. Even the shortest conversation can run me ragged, and I really dislike that.
Dealing with the guy has always been a sensitive issue. Especially after we separated. It took him a really long time to get over the fact that we will never be a couple again, so I was starting to hope that I would be completely free of him in the beginning of this year. He has a lady friend (I call her that cause she's super old), and he seems content with his life. And, on more than one occasion, he's told me that he hopes the best for me and SM. Well, that's good.
Only, he doesn't really mean it. Every chance he gets, he turns a simple conversation into a dog fight, threatening to use lawyers to take B away from me, and promise that I will never see her again because I am a horrible mother that can't do anything right.
Wtf, is that, right??
Well, I can't quite put my finger on it, but I believe he suffers from bi-polar disease, just like his whacko nutjob of a mother does. Yeah, they're never gonna read this, so I'm just gonna be blunt.
Doesn't help that he is drunk almost 100% of the time ... when he isn't at work. So, it makes it extra hard to talk to him reasonably about anything of importance. And, the last few days, it's been about getting him OFF my cell phone family plan for good.
I'm just so exhausted with the fighting, the name calling and having to endure his threats and inconsistent personality. I really screwed myself by getting too involved with this one. So, I like to think I've learned my lesson. Over the past years with him, and every guy after that I may have dated for longer than a few weeks.
I've learned that I do not want anyone like M. I can spot one like him a hundred miles away, and steer clear! I don't even want a guy like that as a friend. Hell no.
So, I think it's safe to say that I want to completely be done with M. I don't even want to be friends. Not even with anyone associated with him. Now, I know this can't completely happen since we still share B, but what I wouldn't give for him to just say to hell with it, you raise the kid. I've actually been contemplating ways to make him disappear out of our lives for good. No killing! I mean, like faking a dna test or something like that. But, I think that would come back and bite me in the ass when he and his parents go after me for all those years of child care that they've helped us with. Plus, emotional damage. Yeah. I don't need to deal with all that.
I guess I'm stuck with them. All three of them. At least til B is old enough to make her own choices and move out of mommy's house. Sigh. Til then ... Loser ex and his crazy nutjob of parental units will be lurking. Hooray.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
It's the big stuff ....
Why, oh why does the conversation about the big stuff always happen via phone call? Yeah, last night, a text convo between SM and I took a turn for the serious. You thought I was gonna say worse! HAH!
Anyway, he desperately tried to make his point over text, when I got totally confused and the convo then moved to the phone. Sigh.
Times like this I wish he wasn't unavailable for skype. I like to do the big, meaningful conversations for face to face interaction. His intentions had always been good when we started that text convo, but it came across the wrong way to me.
So, what was it about? Us. The future. And, me possibly moving there. Yeah, that conversation happened last night. While I was visiting him, we touched very lightly on the subject, but he did not pick up on the fact that I want to move there. So, he's been thinking about it lately, and stressing because he's worried I won't like it living so far from my family and friends. See, I've never lived anywhere else, but here in Hawaii. I was born and raised here. Roots are here. He's lived all over, and while he misses being here like crazy, this just isn't the place he needs to be right now. I get it, and I respect that.
His thing was that he didn't know what I was thinking about it all. We know that we did the right thing in doing a long distance relationship, and we both know things can't stay that way forever. So, he asked me what I was thinking in terms of us being in the same place eventually. I told him that I want to move B and I there, but not until next summer. I want us to have a real shot at being a couple, since two weeks together every few months is not going to cut it. And, in terms of us and this going somewhere? Well, we are on our way and on the same page. He was also worried that I might leave him since he says he's an old man set in his ways. What he hadn't thought about is that I already knew that. We're still the good friends we always were, just that we are a couple now and the dynamics of our relationship have changed. I know who he is, and I wouldn't have wanted to do this if I didn't like that. He seemed to really relax after hearing that.
And then ... there's my kid. He also thought about me and B moving in with him, and how that whole thing is going to take time to get used to since he doesn't have kids, and never lived with one in the house before. I had to laugh because I am not planning to just crash his pad, and make him live with me and B. I want to be with him, yes, but I'll look for a place CLOSE to where he is ... at first. Down the line, we'll find a place that suits all three of us, and then make that work.
The topic of marriage also came up. We've talked about this before, and he's said that he never thought he'd get married and as of right now, he doesn't want to. That's not a problem for me since I am not in a rush to be married again. But, the topic for both of us is still open. That, I can handle.
So, the big things have been made clear, and we are both on the same page again. Committed to each other in this relationship. Both wanting to be together in the same place, and are aware of each others intentions in that respect. Not wanting to change each other, but are willing to compromise when there is a need for it. Marriage? Not in our minds yet, but not taken off the table either.
I feel good about this. I really do.
xoxo
Anyway, he desperately tried to make his point over text, when I got totally confused and the convo then moved to the phone. Sigh.
Times like this I wish he wasn't unavailable for skype. I like to do the big, meaningful conversations for face to face interaction. His intentions had always been good when we started that text convo, but it came across the wrong way to me.
So, what was it about? Us. The future. And, me possibly moving there. Yeah, that conversation happened last night. While I was visiting him, we touched very lightly on the subject, but he did not pick up on the fact that I want to move there. So, he's been thinking about it lately, and stressing because he's worried I won't like it living so far from my family and friends. See, I've never lived anywhere else, but here in Hawaii. I was born and raised here. Roots are here. He's lived all over, and while he misses being here like crazy, this just isn't the place he needs to be right now. I get it, and I respect that.
His thing was that he didn't know what I was thinking about it all. We know that we did the right thing in doing a long distance relationship, and we both know things can't stay that way forever. So, he asked me what I was thinking in terms of us being in the same place eventually. I told him that I want to move B and I there, but not until next summer. I want us to have a real shot at being a couple, since two weeks together every few months is not going to cut it. And, in terms of us and this going somewhere? Well, we are on our way and on the same page. He was also worried that I might leave him since he says he's an old man set in his ways. What he hadn't thought about is that I already knew that. We're still the good friends we always were, just that we are a couple now and the dynamics of our relationship have changed. I know who he is, and I wouldn't have wanted to do this if I didn't like that. He seemed to really relax after hearing that.
And then ... there's my kid. He also thought about me and B moving in with him, and how that whole thing is going to take time to get used to since he doesn't have kids, and never lived with one in the house before. I had to laugh because I am not planning to just crash his pad, and make him live with me and B. I want to be with him, yes, but I'll look for a place CLOSE to where he is ... at first. Down the line, we'll find a place that suits all three of us, and then make that work.
The topic of marriage also came up. We've talked about this before, and he's said that he never thought he'd get married and as of right now, he doesn't want to. That's not a problem for me since I am not in a rush to be married again. But, the topic for both of us is still open. That, I can handle.
So, the big things have been made clear, and we are both on the same page again. Committed to each other in this relationship. Both wanting to be together in the same place, and are aware of each others intentions in that respect. Not wanting to change each other, but are willing to compromise when there is a need for it. Marriage? Not in our minds yet, but not taken off the table either.
I feel good about this. I really do.
xoxo
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