It's calling me ...

Ever since I was a child, I always wondered what a "calling" would be like. I was brought up Catholic, went to Catholic school up until high school. And, all that time, the nuns and priests would talk about their calling, and how, when it's the right time, you will hear your calling. 

Throughout my life, I've tried different things, and thought I wanted to do this or that. I'm a legal clerk in the field of law, and have been doing this for over a decade. Yet, I don't feel any part of it "calling" me. I've been doing my job for so long, that it's second nature to me. But, I can't say that I love it, and that I want to always be here doing what I love. Because I don't love it. 

I love to write, that I know. And, I do that. This blog is the only thing I have published so far, but I'm working on other projects for future publishing. But, until I can make a comfortable life out of my writing which is my passion, there has to be another avenue of income to support the life I want for B and me.

So, I think I've heard my calling. Rather, I've been hearing my calling for the past several years. Ever since I lost my first child in 2005, I've felt very comfortable in hospitals. Though, I was the one being cared for, I started to grow an admiration for those caring for me. I considered nursing, but I know how grueling the work is and the scheduling is harsh. In the last few years, I've looked into other aspects of health care, and considered phlebotomy schooling, ultrasound technician, even medical transcription. 

It's years later, and the pang to try to get my foot in the door is rising again. I'm considering a course in medical assisting. I think that would be a good place to start. Though I have all this experience in Admin work, I don't think it'll be satisfying enough for me ... to just be handling paperwork with minimal patient contact.  Anyway, I think it's time I get serious and give it a shot before the pang kills me. 

Haha ... xoxo 

Finally Friday

It is finally Friday! I've got one more hour at the office, and then I'm off to start my busy night. Not going to First Friday like originally planned, but it's a full night nonetheless. 

Today, I had a spontaneous lunch date with one of my riding buddies at Little Village in Chinatown. The food was great, and apparently we were supposed to get together today because I learned that he is selling his full size bed w/bed frame AND 42" Lcd tv. What a coincidence as I am looking for BOTH! So, after dropping mom off at Blaisedell, I'll be going to his place to check out the goods. I'm hoping I'll like it because then, I can concentrate on other things. 

After doing that, I'll be heading to Kailua to get M, then over to the inlaws to get B. She wants to eat at Ruby's tonight, so we'll end up there. And, then home. I really hope it's an early night tonight. I am pooped already .... xoxo

Thought ....

I just glanced at my reflection in the small mirror I have at my desk, and I notice how tired my eyes look. 

Being concerned about my well-being has taken a lot out of me lately. I saw the pain/nerve specialist yesterday, and I'm very glad to be having this study of the nerves in my feet/legs and hands/arms done. It's comforting to get a professionals opinion as well as treatment options. 

But, lately, I've been frustrated. Crying a lot. Hence, the tired eyes. I know it sounds lame, and I should just suck it up. Most days, I do. I'm here at work today, sucking it up. I'm in pain, but I'm here. All I want to know is what this condition is and if it's treatable, if not curable. 

Speculation of what it could be continues to make me a little crazy and worry like there's no tomorrow. But, I have to keep sane. Still, it's hard for my mind not to go there. 

Time to leave for my second appointment with the pain/nerve specialist ... xoxo