June trip ... and Skype chat

It's getting closer and I can't wait! Just talked to my cousin tonight who lives in Colorado, and she is stoked I'm coming up to see them. Planning some stuff with her and the family one, or two of the days I'm out there. Not sure if Stetson Man will be able to join us since he doesn't know his work schedule yet. But, I'm kind of hoping he'll be free since it looks like we're planning a hiking day. And, a few grown up drinks afterward. Haha.

This cousin is through marriage, so we aren't actually related. BUT, they've been a part of our family since I was very young, so it feels like we've been family for a long time. She's several years older than me, but one of her kids is B's age, so that was fun being pregnant at the same time. In all, she has six kids. Yeah ... crazy! When she and her husband moved the family from here to Colorado, we all thought they were nuts, but they've been happy there and thriving. I'm glad for them, and every now and then we'll talk about what life is like there ... away from family and away from home. I'm curious about the move, and excited to see and explore out there. 

So, Stetson Man and I have been skyping more. A lot lately. About five days out of the week, or something like that. I can't get enough of the contact. It's all we have for now. Well, that and texting. I love spending my friday nights with him via skype, and he's said that he won't complain about doing the skype thing. Aww ... 

Friday, I got off work at 6pm my time, 10pm his time. I had asked him earlier that day if we could have a skype date that night after I got off. He's been busy taking a hunting certification class online, and researching some other things so he wasn't sure if he'd get all his stuff done in time. So, it was a nice surprise toward the end of my work day that he let me know he could skype. YAY! 

I got off work, and got to Kailua as fast as I could since M was going to watch B that night. I didn't get home til about an hour and a half later. At 11:30pm his time. Poor guy was already tired, but stayed up to have our skype date. So, he tells me that after he got his stuff for class done, he had planned to go to a car show with his uncle earlier that day, but since I asked to skype, he cancelled his plans since he wanted to see me. So sweet! And, though we never plan on staying on so long, time always goes by so fast and before we know it, several hours have passed. It's too funny.

So, tonight, we didn't skype and we probably won't tomorrow since I work. But, there's always Tuesday ... it will be so nice to see and talk to him again. Til then, we have text!

xoxo

Well, that didn't last ...

Thank goodness! Early this morning, I texted SM after figuring out why I was so bothered yesterday. We talked it out, he understood and apologized. He didn't have to, I was just happy he got it without me having to explain myself to no end.

So, I'm back to my normal self, happy and missing my Stetson Man a whole lot. 

In other news, I've managed to land two jobs. Yes, I am writing for an entertainment news website as an independent contractor, but I also got an office job that is close to home and is part time. 

I'm happy that I'll have steady income again. It'll be small pay, but it's something. We'll see how I like this new desk job. If it doesn't feel right, I'll look for something else, but in the mean time, I'm grateful they offered the position to me. 

That's about it for now. I may be back later with another post. 

xoxo

Hermit Mode

I don't know if it's that time of the month (before I get my ma'i) where I'm sensitive to everything or what. But, I've been feeling all around shitty tonight. People try to joke with me, and I'm taking everything to heart. Making me feel like I want to stay in my room and not talk to anyone.

I suppose there are periods every now and then where I keep to myself, and stay at home rather than go out and socialize. I don't know. Sometimes, I want to be alone ... rather, not around people. Anyone. Family, friends, framily, strangers especially. The tiniest comment can set me off right now. Yeah, I suppose it's my bitch running loose, and she deserves to. I'm a nice girl ... all the time. But, I think that nice-ness gets abused at times, and my bitch pops out to let my nice girl recuperate. 

That's it, I'm just recuperating. But, the bitch in me really wants to strangle someone ... knock some heads, and just go on a slap spree. Kick some asses and throat punch people. 

So, I have to be careful what I say. Especially when answering comments, or even plain commenting on facebook. I really hate that. So, I'm gonna stop. I don't even want to talk to SM. Frankly, if I don't hear from him tomorrow, he won't hear from me. 

I just need a break. From everyone. Or, maybe I need a good night's sleep. I may feel differently in the morning. 

I really hope so.   

Ramblings of the day

This will not be a well thought out post. So, if you're looking for some intelligent, meaningful entertainment right now, might as well keep looking. Just gonna bang out some random thoughts of the past few days ....

Just had a conversation with one of my girl friends. She's a sweet one, but for the life of me, I can only take her in small bits. She's just been filling me in on what's been going on with her and her ex (who is one of my friends, too). Supposedly, she's been moving on, yet hanging out with him almost everyday. Watching movies, going to parties, even hooking up. Tisk tisk. I mean, I know it's hard cutting off contact, but come on! There comes a point when it just gets to be pathetic. And, I can't tell her this because she won't listen to anyone. I know it to be true, because it happened to me years ago. I was that sad, pathetic little being willing to take any kind of interaction with an ex until one day, I said I won't feel like this anymore. 

And, I haven't ever since. It's gotta be on her own time, and in the mean time, we need to be there for her to vent. I know this. Just can't be the one she turns to every time something happens. It's draining. And, exhausting. 

Anyhoo, tomorrow is Friday! My favorite day of the week. It's also bike night, but I won't be riding. SM and I have a Skype date! I figure we'll chat for a good part my evening, then I'll be able to catch the end of bike night out at The Groove for some GoKart action! The last time I raced, I left a pretty big impression on my fellow racers. Not that I was a badass, but I broke the track ... yeah ... ran into the barriers BIG TIME. It was pretty hilarious. 

In other news, I'm thinking of taking a pole dancing class. I've been inspired by a really awesome dancer, and it was her choreography to the song Wicked Games by The Weekend that I am wanting to learn this type of dance. It will be for fun and fitness, so I'm hoping to try it sometime in the next few weeks. SM is all for it. Well, of course he is. Hehe ...
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Started this post last Thursday, but haven't picked it back up til now. It's Sunday night, and I gotta say that I've been feeling crappy today. 

My Friday and Saturday were great. Friday night, SM and I skyped for longer than I expected, so I didn't go out at all. I was pretty tired, but skyping with him was the only way I wanted to spend my Friday night anyway. So, it worked out perfect. On Saturday, we skyped again and for much longer. Four hours. It was great! Talked about a lot of things. But, I did myself in with one thing I wanted to know about him and his last relationship. At least, with the last girl he was seeing. 

I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I thought I could handle the answer. Something he said last night is bugging me, and has been bugging me all day. I've been peeved with him and really not wanting to talk. Not until I sort this out on my own. After all, I brought it on myself. 

I asked him what it was that he had with her since it was never clear to me. He answered by telling me that he didn't even know himself. And, then proceeded to tell me about it from the beginning. And, that was all fine. It was when I asked about them riding together that I got hurt. Apparently, she was an amazing pack. I am, too, but I haven't had the experience of riding with him the way she did. If you go back to September of 2013 and see my post "Last Friday", I detail my crazy ride with him as he returned from Guam after being away for several months. 

Up until that ride, he thought I was a great pack, too. But, after that, he changed his opinion. And, I suppose I've been sensitive about it ever since because I never had the privilege of riding with him as much as she did. When we talked last night, I genuinely got hurt. I don't know if he could tell, but I got offensive. Not mean, just sad and hurt. And, I've gone on rides with a few of our friends that love packing me because I'm such a good rider. And, to think that his opinion changed to a negative one really hurts. 

I was going to bring it up tonight and say that I've been peeved with him all day, but I decided not to. I sent him the "Last Friday" post and he read it this morning. Said he liked it. Great. But, there's nothing more I can tell him ... other than I hadn't been on a motorcycle for months before that ride, AND I was scared because my friend died on her motorcycle. He tried to reassure me last night after I got upset that he knows it was just one time, and that he doesn't think I'm terrible. But, it felt like he was just patronizing me. I know he wasn't, but I can't help but feel hurt and upset. 

I'm sure most of you think I'm being ridiculous, but you have to understand that his opinion on this is really important to me. I'm his girlfriend, and I can't be his girl that he doesn't want to ride with. It wouldn't matter if I wasn't so into riding as I am, but I love it. And, so does he. It's something we can and have been enjoying together. 

So, that's it for this post. I'm exhausted. Haven't talked to him much today. Really didn't want to ... for fear I might say something stupid that I'll regret. Sigh.

What do YOU want to hear?

My fellow readers, it's occurred to me that this blog, while it is ALL mine, that maybe you might want to hear about something other than my life. It's open for discussion ...

What do YOU guys want to hear? What would be interesting to hear about, talk about, contemplate? Debate? Right, it's a blog, but a healthy thread of continuous chat action can be a lot of fun, too. 

So, don't be afraid. Let me know what YOU want to talk about. I want to know. You can either leave me a comment, or send me an email: litluv78@gmail.com. 

I look forward to your ideas! 

Random late night thought ...

The amount of followers I have on this blog are less than ten. And, that's fine, but I wonder. I wonder how many of you followers of my blog actually read it??

If you are one of my followers, and you know who you are, leave me a comment. I just want to know if I've kept you reading. 

That's all .... xoxo

P.S. - I know I have regular readers who haven't hit that "follow" button, and I thank you. G'night!

Writing dreams slowly taking off ...

Well, one aspect of my start as a writer is taking off ... slowly. I am what you can call a Contributing Editor for an online entertainment news website. I just started this week. This website published one of my blog entries that I sent to them as a writing sample back in February. The Editor-in-Chief loved it, and so he's offered me a spot as a writer for their online website.

I am STOKED. I get to write and do research that I love. My first piece is an editorial on a local musician, and researching her music was very enjoyable. At first, I was intimidated by the deadline and their expectations. But, once I got through some research and began to form my opinion, the words flowed right through my fingers and on to the Pages screen. It feels good. 

I am not a journalist. That was my first thought as I processed the weight of my first assignment. I am not a journalist. I don't like doing interviews and digging around for dirt to splash into an article. But, it wasn't like that. Once I sat down and really thought about my contribution in doing this piece, I felt confident in letting my opinion be known. 

So, yesterday morning, I checked my email and found one from my editor's assistant. She gave me the basic guidelines for the article and when they'd like to see my first draft. They gave me until Sunday evening. I thought that should be enough time, so I go about my day doing what I needed to. It was a little before lunch when I sit down at my laptop and start researching. And, after watching a few music videos, reading some of her interviews and learning more about her, I take a picture of my screen and send it to Stetson Man with the caption "I got this far." I started the article and got a few paragraphs done. He read it and said it looks good so far. Yeah. I can already tell that he's going to be my biggest cheerleader. 

It was the bare bones to the start of the editorial, so I was getting hungry and figured I needed a little time to process my research. Then, I can begin forming my opinion. 

I go out and get a yummy steak plate for lunch, and by the time I had finished that, it was time to pick up B from school. So, I go and find her at the playground with one of her classmates. His mother is sitting nearby, so I go over and chat with her while our kids run around and play. After that, one of her best friends invited her over for a playdate, so I drop her off, and return home. 

Now, I'm feeling the writing coming on, so I put my headphones on and put on her music. As I listen, the article kind of blooms before my eyes and I finish it within a few short hours. Proud of it, I text SM later that night and tell him that I'll send him the draft because I want to know what he thinks. Being that I am a writer and this is my passion, it matters to me what he thinks. It matters to me that he supports my work. Though, it's not work to me, and I love that. My goal one day is to be able to support myself and my family as a successful writer, and it's important to me that he gets that and stands by me while I make my dream come true. 

After proofing my draft a few times, I decide it's ready to go, so I sent him the first copy. And, then a copy went to my editor's assistant. Feeling a bit nervous, I text him and tell him that. I just hope it's what they're looking for, and he reassures me that they're gonna love it.  He was making dinner at the time, so when he was done, he read it. He texts me saying he thought it was really good. That's more of a positive reaction than I could have asked for. 

So, now I'm waiting to hear back from my editor or his assistant. I'm really hoping it's not going to need too much tweaking, and that it's what they can use. It's exciting, and I didn't even have to leave the house. That's what I like about it ... being able to work at home on my own schedule. It's slow at first, but I'm hopeful that this will take my career as a writer in the right direction. 

Until the next post ... xoxo 

We have chat contact!

Yes, that's right, we have just had our first Skype chat since Stetson Man left the island. It was so nice to see him AND talk to him at the same time. I've been waiting a while for this to happen. For one thing, when he moved up there, he didn't have a very good internet connection, and another, he's been so busy getting settled and all moved in. 

So, we had been texting earlier today when he asked if I had Skype. I thought, YES! Finally, we're gonna video chat. Then, I remembered that the last time I tried to use my Skype account on my laptop, it wouldn't work. So, I thought ... GREAT. 

I tried opening the app anyway, and logged in. Come to find, the program was working great, so I add him and not even a second later, there's his incoming video call. I was so excited to see him. And, to hear his voice put a big smile on my face. Makes me want to video chat even more now. So, we end up chatting for three hours talking about all kinds of stuff, taking tours of each others house, and sending each other pictures. Old and new. And, yeah ... though he's been to my house many, many times, he hasn't actually been inside. Funny, I know.

Anyway, we talked and just enjoyed each others company, and it felt like he was there with me. Like, no time had gone by where we hadn't seen each other. Even though, it's been almost three months. 

Time is going by so fast. It's already April. The school year is coming to an end in just another month and a half. Then, it will be summer time. And, my trip to Colorado in June. Honestly, I couldn't be happier than I have been. Knowing I have one of the best guys at my side, though he's physically 3,000+ miles away. It's reassuring that he knows as well as I do that what we have is very special. I know I mean as much to him as he does to me. And, that is what I have been wanting in a partner. 

After our much overdue Skype chat, I feel even closer to him. I really do ... xoxo.