Well, I wouldn't quite call it a haste, but more like a rash decision. Nothing is set in stone, of course, but I'm really putting a lot of thought and effort into a move.
While I was with my cousin in CO, she told me about how they came to move there after their first visit a few years ago. She told me that when I return home, I'm really going to feel it. Since, I've already been considering a move, it will be ever prevalent when I return.
She was SO. RIGHT.
After getting over the initial shock of missing SM, I felt how small this island really is. And, I've been wanting to crawl out of my own skin ever since. I absolutely did NOT want to think about coming back home while having the time of my life up there with him. And, I didn't. Not until a few days before I left. It was last Tuesday night when he was at work that it really hit me. I had to leave in a few short days. That combined with missing B was more than I could handle at the time. Tears were flowing, sobs crept out of me when I wasn't expecting it ... just an all around miserable night. I stayed up as late as I could, and when I woke again, he was there getting into bed with me. And, I have to say that is the best way to wake up. At least, it is for now.
But, how long will for now be? I've been back home for three days now. I am feeling a bit better, but my thoughts go back to Colorado every chance it gets. I love the freedom we'll have up there, and now that I know I have options ... makes me want to move in haste.
I've realized what I really want. What would make me the happiest in the whole world. And, that is to be able to work, write and come home to my two favorite people. B and SM. Everyday. That's all I want. I don't care if he and I have only been together for a few months. I've always enjoyed being in his company. And, I don't care about going out and having a super busy social life. Not anymore. I'm ready to settle down again. I'm ready to have my family, and just enjoy them. B wants a little brother or sister. I'm SO on the fence about that, but the topic is still on the table. As well as marriage. Even after being married to the biggest, nicest asshole jerk face, marriage isn't as tainted for me as I thought it would be. Not when it's with the right person. Sigh.
Talk about the big stuff being put into perspective. Do you understand my haste now?
Hah, but in all practicality, this move won't happen for a long while. I'm planning at least one more visit in a few months. Though, I will be working towards the move. You can count on that.
It's Skype time ... xoxo.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
First Visit to the big CO
Yes readers, I am here! Finally with my Stetson Man. It feels like this time is flying by since I have already been here for five days. It's been amazing, and I am loving this place he is choosing to call his home.
Since I've never been here before, we've been doing a lot of sightseeing, and spending time with his family. His parents are also visiting this week, so it's been nice to spend time with them as well. I've met his parents a few years ago, but never really got to know them. I am really enjoying all the time I've spent here, and getting to play with all their pets. It's like a zoo in the house! A well contained zoo.
So, I wondered what it would be like to be with SM as a couple since we've always just been good friends. I wondered how it would feel, and I wondered if it would be awkward. And, I am so relieved to know that it all feels natural. It feels right with him.
We talked last night about it, and it was comforting to know that he feels the same as I do. He told me how he knows we made the right decision to do long distance, and he's happy that we did, and happy that we are still so compatible as a couple physically. Not much has changed, other than the fact that we are together. And, I love it.
SM has had to work a few nights since I've been here, and I gotta say that it kinda sucks. He has to sleep during the day, so I would take that time to do activities with his family, and mine. Though, I haven't seen my family yet, I hope to soon. But, he goes to work around 6 pm, and doesn't get home until around 8 am the next morning. The hard part is sleeping alone in his bed, in his house. I miss him, and so I try to stay up as long as I can so it won't seem so long til he's home. Is that sad? Haha, I don't think that's quite the right wording, but I knew it would be like this since he's just started work. I didn't expect him to take off while I'm here, and he does have more days off than expected. So, I just cherish the time we do get on his work days.
I just really miss him. It's almost 1 am here in Centennial, and I'm sitting in his living room typing away while ROME plays in the background. Haven't seen this show in ages, so I thought I'd watch it again. His kitty cat is laying beside me trying to get comfy enough to fall asleep. And, I'm doing my best to stay awake because I know that his lunch break is coming soon, and that's when I'll hear from him. One thing I have to say is that I like the stability. I know that I'll hear from him a few times during the night while he's at work. So many things I've come to learn and have been confirmed about he and I. It's amazing and scary at the same time. Hard to put it in words.
I am happy. With him, I'm better. I feel complete. Don't know how I'm going to be able to get on that plane when I have to leave him here. Not gonna think about that.
But, the weekend is rounding the corner, and it will be a busy one. Friday, we'll start the morning off visiting his cousins and their kids, then a shopping afternoon at an ikea. Then it's off to Denver for a few errands and some fun. Saturday, we will be going to the Renaissance fair, and probably a fire pit night at a friends house. Sunday, it's Comic Con in Denver, so I can't wait for that!
Lots of fun to be had, and I'm really having a great time. I miss my little B something fierce, but we got to skype, and we talk a little bit everyday.
Life won't be the same now that I've got to have a taste of being with SM here in CO. A big, HUGE part of me is saying that I need to just do it, and move. I want to be with him, and I want to be here. Yes, I have my little B to think about, but it's kind of a no-brainer. The schools here are very good, and I would definitely make sure she and I have as much contact with my family back in Hawaii as we can. Skype is a wonderful thing. And, it's not like we'll be totally alone here. SM's family is so warm and welcoming, plus I have cousins that live not too far from him.
So, now, I just need to talk to him and get his perspective. I know he wants me near, and I want to be near .... It will be good, I think.
Til the next post .... xoxo.
Since I've never been here before, we've been doing a lot of sightseeing, and spending time with his family. His parents are also visiting this week, so it's been nice to spend time with them as well. I've met his parents a few years ago, but never really got to know them. I am really enjoying all the time I've spent here, and getting to play with all their pets. It's like a zoo in the house! A well contained zoo.
So, I wondered what it would be like to be with SM as a couple since we've always just been good friends. I wondered how it would feel, and I wondered if it would be awkward. And, I am so relieved to know that it all feels natural. It feels right with him.
We talked last night about it, and it was comforting to know that he feels the same as I do. He told me how he knows we made the right decision to do long distance, and he's happy that we did, and happy that we are still so compatible as a couple physically. Not much has changed, other than the fact that we are together. And, I love it.
SM has had to work a few nights since I've been here, and I gotta say that it kinda sucks. He has to sleep during the day, so I would take that time to do activities with his family, and mine. Though, I haven't seen my family yet, I hope to soon. But, he goes to work around 6 pm, and doesn't get home until around 8 am the next morning. The hard part is sleeping alone in his bed, in his house. I miss him, and so I try to stay up as long as I can so it won't seem so long til he's home. Is that sad? Haha, I don't think that's quite the right wording, but I knew it would be like this since he's just started work. I didn't expect him to take off while I'm here, and he does have more days off than expected. So, I just cherish the time we do get on his work days.
I just really miss him. It's almost 1 am here in Centennial, and I'm sitting in his living room typing away while ROME plays in the background. Haven't seen this show in ages, so I thought I'd watch it again. His kitty cat is laying beside me trying to get comfy enough to fall asleep. And, I'm doing my best to stay awake because I know that his lunch break is coming soon, and that's when I'll hear from him. One thing I have to say is that I like the stability. I know that I'll hear from him a few times during the night while he's at work. So many things I've come to learn and have been confirmed about he and I. It's amazing and scary at the same time. Hard to put it in words.
I am happy. With him, I'm better. I feel complete. Don't know how I'm going to be able to get on that plane when I have to leave him here. Not gonna think about that.
But, the weekend is rounding the corner, and it will be a busy one. Friday, we'll start the morning off visiting his cousins and their kids, then a shopping afternoon at an ikea. Then it's off to Denver for a few errands and some fun. Saturday, we will be going to the Renaissance fair, and probably a fire pit night at a friends house. Sunday, it's Comic Con in Denver, so I can't wait for that!
Lots of fun to be had, and I'm really having a great time. I miss my little B something fierce, but we got to skype, and we talk a little bit everyday.
Life won't be the same now that I've got to have a taste of being with SM here in CO. A big, HUGE part of me is saying that I need to just do it, and move. I want to be with him, and I want to be here. Yes, I have my little B to think about, but it's kind of a no-brainer. The schools here are very good, and I would definitely make sure she and I have as much contact with my family back in Hawaii as we can. Skype is a wonderful thing. And, it's not like we'll be totally alone here. SM's family is so warm and welcoming, plus I have cousins that live not too far from him.
So, now, I just need to talk to him and get his perspective. I know he wants me near, and I want to be near .... It will be good, I think.
Til the next post .... xoxo.
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