Hey readers! I'm back, and it's been much too long since my last post. Four months has come and gone. So much has been going on, and I must catch you up! It's gonna be a long one.
First of all, I left my job that I had started this March. I left in July, and I am so glad that I did. At first, it was going well, I liked the office, the people I worked with ..... but, the work. Eh, not so much. While I realized that this office was always very busy with a never ending high volume of work, it didn't start getting to me until a few months in. For one thing, I never knew if we'd get paid on pay days. The manager let things like paying her employees slip her mind all the time. She even tried to short change me by a week after I came back from my vacation in June. I had already been back for a month when she tried to give me half of what I earned. Like, WOT?! Not only that, but I was expected to do work on my own time outside the office with my own equipment and not get paid for it. She said "anything you need to do to keep up during the work day." I mean, WOW. Does this sound good to anyone?
Then, I thought about it, and it hit me that the rest of the office people were complete and total workaholics. I did not fit in with these people. They are passionate and LOVE what they do there. I am not a workaholic, especially not for a place that works you to the bone. Oh, and then tells you that you CAN'T take any time off to do anything with your kid. They appear to be family oriented, but are not at all. Even though the manager, who is married to the founding attorney, has a 4 year old son and takes off all the time to do things with his school to appear like the best mom in the world. What a piece of rubbish.
So, after that fun conversation, I really started to think.
I finally came to the realization that I didn't want to waste anymore time doing something that I don't love. My plan was to stay there until I was able to obtain a meaningful position to me doing work that I not only like, but love. This place was NOT it. And, I suppose performance in my work went downhill because of it. She noticed and we had another talk. She asked if I really wanted to be there, and I said no. I couldn't lie. So, I resigned. And, I think I may have lost a friend because of it. The one that got me the position there. I had no intention of leaving as soon as I did, but when you're as unhappy as I was, there was just no making it better by being somewhere you hate.
And, that brings me to my current state of things ... job hunting again. This time, I'm making it count. No more filler positions. I'm gonna take my time to find something I love, something I'm good at. But, at the same time, I'm scared because that something could take me away from Hawaii. Though I was ready to move for a different reason, it's different this time. Not quite ready to make that jump .... yet.
In other news, back in April, I had started seeing someone long distance. Someone from my past .... New M. I talked a little about how he contacted me earlier in the year, and, through our chats, he convinced me to give him another chance. Long distance. That should have been the first red flag.
I tried. I did. But, he made it impossible to reciprocate his feelings. Smothered me with the pressure of being his whole world, and his happiness. Expressing how he was going to move back to Hawaii for me, and then the pressure of eventually moving to Texas, getting married and combining our families. It was all too much for me. After the first 2 months (my relationship expiration), I had to call it quits. After I came back from my trip in June, it was like all my priorities shifted. I no longer wanted the things that I wanted in my previous relationship with SM. I didn't want to be with a guy in a relationship. The thought weighed me down every time I'd think about it. The only things that mattered, that stuck out, was being able to obtain my dream job doing something in writing, and my daughter. She is and will always come first, and I cherish every moment with her. At least, trying to before she evolves into a preteen.
Now, I've been single for about 2 months. And, I am loving it. The urge to have a man be at my side has subsided after all these years. I'm pretty sure it's gone forever.
I might be chastised for saying that, but, whatever.
I'll end it here. Already too long, I know. So, thanks for sticking it out and reading til the end!
xoxo
