It makes me think about everyone else out there. Everyone seems to have that one or two bestest of best friends. Someone or someone's they've known all their lives. Someone they see on a regular basis, and talk to all the time. Go out with, meet up after work for drinks, or that weekly lunch date to break up the monotony of the work week.
Most days, I don't give it any thought at all, but tonight I was in the shower when the thought came to me. See, I recently broke up with a guy that I was seeing for the past two months. For him, it was love in an instant. That forever kind of love. But, it wasn't that way for me. So, instead of leading him on, I broke it off. He's a nice guy, and didn't hate me for not loving him back. In fact, I think we're going to try to be friends.
But, just friends. Not best friends, or anything close to that. Why? I don't know. I'm picky about who I let into my life, and even pickier about who I let stay.
When I think about it, all my life, ever since I was in grade school, I've never really fit in anywhere. There were definite cliques in my grade level, but I never fit in with any of them. They were my friends, but not good friends. Not the way they all were with each other. But, by the time I reached fifth grade, I found myself in a clique with three other girls. These three girls I stayed connected with through high school, and up to college. I even went to college with one of them, and we had almost all our classes together. At the time, I had considered her my best friend. But, she was a heartless bitch. I'd seen it since grade school. But, I thought that since we were such good friends, she would never be that way to me. How wrong was I. It took years, but her true colors finally shown through with me. Though, I never spoke to her again, I still see her at random times in my town, at the mall, grocery store. I've never been one to run the other way, but she sees me and bee lines it in the other direction. Coward.
So, now that I'm older, and I have a child of my own, I tell her to befriend everyone. Rather, be kind to everyone. But, I wonder if I'm doing her a disservice. As a child, I was that one kid who was kind to all the other kids. Even the ones who were mean. I was nice, offered my friendship to anyone that was willing to play with me. Helped to cheer up the kids that were down, make them laugh, feel good about themselves. And, yet, I'm the one with no best friend of my own.
I have a few good friends, but none that stick out as a bestie. They've all got their own best friends.
I'm not writing this post for people to feel sorry for me. It's just something that hits me from time to time. So, with that said, I'll wrap this one up.
Happy Sunday, readers.
Xoxo
