Saw this coming ...

Today, one of my girlfriends had a breakdown of sorts. This being with some friends that we were all close to ... at one time not too long ago. 

I don't know how to word this delicately, but I saw it coming. 

It's hard to think that some people who have become so close to you in the past few years would just slowly fall by the waste-side, or kick you to the curb like yesterdays news without giving you a heads up of sorts. 

This girlfriend was pretty much blindsided this past weekend, and I can't help but know what she's feeling. I've also been dropped from this group of friends, but I don't think it's for the same reason. For me, I think it stems back to the fact that I maintain good friendships with certain people that this couple doesn't like. If you ask me, that's just being stupid and childish, but this couple seems to think they're the Duke and Dutchess of Wales to all their friends. I mean, come on. There's only so much a person can take until your ego blows up so big, and then you pretty much want nothing to do with them anymore.

That's the case for me. It's sad,  really. I thought these people were my friends. As did my girlfriend who got so frustrated with them today, that she created some drama which resulted in her deleting anyone having to do with this group from her social networks. But, that's not the worst of it. The chick that she reached out to basically told her that her friendship wasn't worth it, and that there was nothing left to say. Ouch. Talk about time wasted investing in a friendship you thought was genuine. Not to mention the cold-heartedness of her message. My girlfriend sent me a copy of what was said, and I felt so bad. 

I talked to her later, and she says she's letting it go. But, I know it's still stewing in her mind and bothering her to no end. I feel bad, but what can you do? You can't make people like you. Especially if you don't know what happened to just make them stop talking to you. 

While all of this was going on this afternoon, I contemplated sending a message to the same chick. But, what was I gonna say? Why'd you guys stop inviting me to events? How lame does that sound? I kind of already know anyway, and I really don't care to associate myself with those kind of people. If you can't accept someone for who they are, no matter what, then it's not worth it to me. 

Sad to say, but I think I'm done with those people. At least for now ... until I have to be around them again. The ones I really like all moved away. 

Time to leave the office. Night, readers. 

xoxo

Girl crush

No, I haven't kissed a girl. But every now and then, I tend to have little crushes on other girls.

It's not quite the same as having a crush on the opposite sex. At least, it isn't for me. A girl crush is something like ... I meet or see a girl, who is physically attractive to me, but as I get to know them, I find I like conversing and sharing time with them. It's friendship at it's finest, I think. 

In my adult life, there have only been a rare few girls that I've been attracted to in this respect. My last girl crush, I met back in 2011. She was this beautiful, Russian that worked across the hall from me at my last firm. We got to know each other after always passing in the halls, and started hanging out ... going to lunch, first friday events, even bike nights and whatever else my crazy friends were up to. Her husband traveled a lot and was gone for months at a time, so it was fun spending weekends with her when I wasn't on a date or with my little B. But, a little over a year ago, she moved to Kansas to be with her husbands' family. I miss her, but I'll be in Colorado next year, so road trips to see each other is a definite must!

My current girl crush is this gorgeous local Korean girl. She has two other sisters close in age (we're all around the same age) but, the other two don't strike me the way she does. I mean, they're all beautiful, but my crush gives off a different vibe than the other two. She's warm and welcoming ... and spunky. Very much like myself. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to her. And, like my last girl crush, I hope this can turn into a friendship evolving passed my move ... you know, keeping in touch via text, and maybe facebook. 

So, that's what I mean by "girl crush." It's not the normal kind of crush you get for the opposite sex. 

I'm going to end this post here. But, if something else pops into my head, I'll post again.

xoxo

Another year ... come and gone!

How time has been flying. Yes, readers, I am back after a few months hiatus from my blog. I have been keeping busy with work, my little B and ... life in general.

It's already the second week of December, and I cannot believe it. Before we know it,  2014 will be over. And, I am completely unprepared for this holiday season. I'm still at the same job making peanuts, so Christmas will be very small ... gift-wise. I intend on getting B her gifts ... and, that's pretty much it. My parents, too. But, SM and I have postponed Christmas as far as the gift giving part. We're both in dire straits in regards to finances, so it's no problem for both of us to wait on swapping gifts.

SM and I have been doing very well, but his schedule at work has been changing, which means his sleep patterns are not consistent. Poor guy is tired and grumpy ... a lot. And, he's got more roomies in the house, along with more pets. While the rent is cheap, space and quiet is getting hard to come by. We skype way less than we used to, but I expected that with his work, riding, visiting family over the holidays and with the recent move of some friends to his place. 

It's fine. We text a few times a day, but when we get to skype, it's so nice. Seems like a rarity these days. Our sessions have been longer and longer, but that's because we don't know when we'll be able to coordinate our schedules to skype again. Pretty sad, but like I said, I'm fine with it.

Planning another trip to Colorado, and this time with little B in tow. I'm excited to take her up there so she can see where we will be living within the next year. Shooting for March, when she's on spring break, but it might be sooner .... February. Just depends on if I can land a new job along with a few writing gigs to pay for this next trip. SM says to just save the money for the move this coming summer, but B has expressed that she would like to visit Colorado before we move there. And, I would like that too. It will also give me an opportunity to look at places and meet with a real estate guy my cousin has put me in contact with. 

It's getting more exciting and I'm getting more impatient. And, my friends' wedding invites came in the mail a few days ago, so it's all getting pretty real pretty fast. That happens in May, and SM will be back then. It will be so nice to see him in February or March, then in May and then in the summer ... when we'll come up to stay!!

So, I'll be back in the next few days with another post. I just wanted to shoot this one out to let you guys know I'm still here.

Night readers! xoxo 

Harder than I thought ...

For anyone that thinks your ex can't stress you out and exhaust you emotionally, think again. I have been dealing with my ex for too long these past few days, and I am so beat. Even the shortest conversation can run me ragged, and I really dislike that. 

Dealing with the guy has always been a sensitive issue. Especially after we separated. It took him a really long time to get over the fact that we will never be a couple again, so I was starting to hope that I would be completely free of him in the beginning of this year. He has a lady friend (I call her that cause she's super old), and he seems content with his life. And, on more than one occasion, he's told me that he hopes the best for me and SM. Well, that's good.

Only, he doesn't really mean it. Every chance he gets, he turns a simple conversation into a dog fight, threatening to use lawyers to take B away from me, and promise that I will never see her again because I am a horrible mother that can't do anything right.  

Wtf, is that, right??

Well, I can't quite put my finger on it, but I believe he suffers from bi-polar disease, just like his whacko nutjob of a mother does. Yeah, they're never gonna read this, so I'm just gonna be blunt. 

Doesn't help that he is drunk almost 100% of the time ... when he isn't at work. So, it makes it extra hard to talk to him reasonably about anything of importance. And, the last few days, it's been about getting him OFF my cell phone family plan for good. 

I'm just so exhausted with the fighting, the name calling and having to endure his threats and inconsistent personality. I really screwed myself by getting too involved with this one. So, I like to think I've learned my lesson. Over the past years with him, and every guy after that I may have dated for longer than a few weeks. 

I've learned that I do not want anyone like M. I can spot one like him a hundred miles away, and steer clear! I don't even want a guy like that as a friend. Hell no. 

So,  I think it's safe to say that I want to completely be done with M. I don't even want to be friends. Not even with anyone associated with him. Now, I know this can't completely  happen since we still share B, but what I wouldn't give for him to just say to hell with it, you raise the kid. I've actually been contemplating ways to make him disappear out of our lives for good. No killing! I mean, like faking a dna test or something like that. But, I think that would come back and bite me in the ass when he and his parents go after me for all those years of child care that they've helped us with. Plus, emotional damage. Yeah. I don't need to deal with all that. 

I guess I'm stuck with them. All three of them. At least til B is old enough to make her own choices and move out of mommy's house. Sigh. Til then ... Loser ex and his crazy nutjob of parental units will be lurking. Hooray. 

It's the big stuff ....

Why, oh why does the conversation about the big stuff always happen via phone call? Yeah, last night, a text convo between SM and I took a turn for the serious. You thought I was gonna say worse! HAH!

Anyway, he desperately tried to make his point over text, when I got totally confused and the convo then moved to the phone. Sigh.

Times like this I wish he wasn't unavailable for skype. I like to do the big, meaningful conversations for face to face interaction. His intentions had always been good when we started that text convo, but it came across the wrong way to me.

So, what was it about? Us. The future. And, me possibly moving there. Yeah, that conversation happened last night. While I was visiting him, we touched very lightly on the subject, but he did not pick up on the fact that I want to move there. So, he's been thinking about it lately, and stressing because he's worried I won't like it living so far from my family and friends. See, I've never lived anywhere else, but here in Hawaii. I was born and raised here. Roots are here. He's lived all over, and while he misses being here like crazy, this just isn't the place he needs to be right now. I get it, and I respect that. 

His thing was that he didn't know what I was thinking about it all. We know that we did the right thing in doing a long distance relationship, and we both know things can't stay that way forever. So, he asked me what I was thinking in terms of us being in the same place eventually. I told him that I want to move B and I there, but not until next summer. I want us to have a real shot at being a couple, since two weeks together every few months is not going to cut it. And, in terms of us and this going somewhere? Well, we are on our way and on the same page. He was also worried that I might leave him since he says he's an old man set in his ways. What he hadn't thought about is that I already knew that. We're still the good friends we always were, just that we are a couple now and the dynamics of our relationship have changed. I know who he is, and I wouldn't have wanted to do this if I didn't like that. He seemed to really relax after hearing that. 

And then ... there's my kid. He also thought about me and B moving in with him, and how that whole thing is going to take time to get used to since he doesn't have kids, and never lived with one in the house before. I had to laugh because I am not planning to just crash his pad, and make him live with me and B. I want to be with him, yes, but I'll look for a place CLOSE to where he is ... at first. Down the line, we'll find a place that suits all three of us, and then make that work. 

The topic of marriage also came up. We've talked about this before, and he's said that he never thought he'd get married and as of right now, he doesn't want to. That's not a problem for me since I am not in a rush to be married again. But, the topic for both of us is still open. That, I can handle. 

So, the big things have been made clear, and we are both on the same page again. Committed to each other in this relationship. Both wanting to be together in the same place, and are aware of each others intentions in that respect. Not wanting to change each other, but are willing to compromise when there is a need for it. Marriage? Not in our minds yet, but not taken off the table either. 

I feel good about this. I really do. 

xoxo

I've seen enough

Yes, ladies and gents, I have seen enough of all your CRAP on Facebook. It's time for me to take another hiatus. 

I'm talking about all the lovey-dovey, make me wanna barf, scratch out my eyes and punch you in the face posts. Not to mention all the babies that are about to be born. These girls seem to be pregnant FOREVER. Why? Because they post pictures of their growing belly EVERY OTHER DAY. Good god, I mean take it easy on the publicity shots of your kid that hasn't even seen the light of day yet. And, the couples that are getting married? Oh hell ... that shit just sends me through the roof. And, let me not forget the NEW couples. All in a haze of their new found puppy love. Gag me with a damn spoon.

Social media today really has taken things up 2 billion notches. When I was pregnant with B, I posted a few pictures of my growing belly, but nothing like some people today. I mean, wow. 

I suppose these huge life events are getting to me once again because I can't have what I really want. I am happy to see that my friends are finding that special someone or welcoming a new little someone into their life. But, do they need to be so anal retentive about posting every 5 goddamn minutes?? Geezus. Give the rest of us a break. We don't always want to see that you are "with" so and so, or see you and that so and so in your pics ... that post to your newsfeed. 

Now, I know that I can block them, and for some, I definitely will. But, others I just can't. Because they are good friends. And, these posts come up in conversation. If someone wants to talk about it and I haven's seen it, they'll feel slighted. Usually, I don't care, but there are a few that I actually care about. 

At the moment, there are about 6 couples that I absolutely can not stand to see on my newsfeed. Only because they post ALL THE TIME. I am sick of hearing about certain weddings that are happening months from now. Sick of seeing photos of baby bellys and happy new couples. And, sick of seeing newborns as they grow ... every damn day by different members of their families. Absolutely sick. 

Then, I think about it, and it all comes down to the fact that I am 3,500 miles away from the man I love. It hurts to see all this happiness that I want to be having in my own life. 

I'm happy. Don't get me wrong. But, there's a difference between being happy apart, and being happy together. Sometimes, I feel like I want it more than he does. But, then he'll say something, or look at me a certain way that tells me we feel the same. It just hurts to be apart for indefinite amounts of time. 

SO, to avoid some of that useless emotion, I'm taking a hiatus from Facebook yet again. Limited interaction, and no, absolutely NO looking at my newsfeed. Ugh. Fuck. That. Shit.

Goodnight readers ... xoxo 

A lonely Saturday night

Ugh, yes. It's been a lonely kind of night for me. All I wanted to do tonight was skype with Stetson Man, and play Clash of Clans. Instead, I hardly heard from him because he's been busy riding his new bike, and fixing different things on it to make it all safe and legal. And, that's great. I'm so happy that he's got a nice ride again. I truly am, but I still got my hopes up that he wouldn't forget about me this weekend.

Well, he did. It wasn't intentional, just that his schedule on his days off are all out of whack now that he's got a bike. And, day time is usually when he sleeps. Not this weekend. It's his weekend off and he's been making the most of it, I just know it. You know how I know it? Because right now, we WOULD be skyping, but instead, he passed out. Early. And, the both of us use this app during hours you don't want to be disturbed so text messages, Facebook notifications, email doesn't come through and buzz your phone bothering you while you sleep. So, I know that even though I texted him a few times, he didn't get them because he is SLEEPING, and so is his phone. 

I'm not exactly pissed, but I'm not happy either. Disappointed because he knew I wanted to skype tonight. I kept mentioning it and I asked a few times. He said that he would skype in bed, and I'm fine with that. But, I didn't hear back after that last text, so here I am. It's 1 am for me, and I'm disappointed. And, missing that damn bastard. 

I watched a terrible movie tonight called 'Tyler Perry's Temptation.' It was horrible. I thought of all his movies, this one looked kind of interesting to me, so I put it on my netflix queue a while ago. Tonight, I decided to check it out. Deleted it as soon as it was finished. Awful.

Oh, and let me recap the shenanigans from last night. I actually went out. Haha! Yeah, so straight from work, we go to dinner at Hooters (terrible service, btw), and then a strip club in town. Two of our friends are moving, so this was their going away party. Dinner was decent, service was not. I don't know why we keep going back there. But, after that, we hit club Rockza. It's been almost two years since I've been to a strip club, and I can't say that I've missed it. I'd only go every once in a while with friends because it can be pretty fun with a group. The last time I went to a nudie bar was with SM. Well, we were just friends at the time, but it was a really fun time. He kept an eye on me all night. See, I was there with a sort of "date" and he was seeing that one girl, but she wasn't there until later in the night. But, even when she was, he was still looking out for me. He's always been good to me. Even though I was always with someone else. And, I was ... always with someone else that wasn't a part of the group already. That guy ended up being a douche and I didn't "date" him for much longer after that night. But, last night, I found myself wishing SM was with me to enjoy the awesomeness that is boobies together. 

Yes, I partook in the makin' it rain scene ... contributed to the single mommy brigade. Haha, I know they aren't ALL single moms, but it was a topic that came up last night. And, since I'm a single mom, I had to point out that not all of us turn to stripping to make ends meet. In fact, I'm barely making the ends touch each other, and I'm once again looking for another job. A part time thing at night. Since I'm full time at the chiro/massage therapy office at barely above minimum wage, I absolutely NEED another source of income since my writing gigs are not producing as much as I had hoped. 

Subject change cause I'm getting' depressed. I mentioned Clash of Clans earlier in this post, and I have to say that it is a FUN game. SM has been playing since November of last year, and I've resisted up til now. I knew he played and gave him shit for it every time we went out and he pulled up the game screen. I gave him shit, but I actually love those type of games. Which is why I stayed away. Too time consuming. Building up your village, defenses, trophies, armies, battling randos for loot. It sounds nerdy, but it's a whole hell of a lot of fun. So, I started playing a little over a week ago, and I've progressed quickly. So, SM invited me to join his clan. I did, but there was a requirement of a thousand trophies to be in this clan. At the time, I had been playing for a few days and had won 20 trophies in a raid on my village. The next day, our clan leader was starting to question these "newbies" who were so low level and low on the trophy count. How did we get in? I spoke up and threw SM under the bus. He appreciated that, but kept complaining, and so did some of the others. 

If you ask me, I think it's super childish, but after the complaints kept going on and on, they finally kicked us newbs out. So, I laughed and texted SM that I was kicked out. He asked if I could still see the chat because they told him"no hard feelings, she's just too low level. She can come back when she has the trophies." Well, SM was pretty much over the leadership in this clan anyway, so he started kicking the clan leaders people out, and dude flipped the bitch. SM and some others ended up leaving the clan. He told me this after I had joined a new clan, and had been progressing fast. I even got promoted all in one day. But, he asked me to join him and help build a new clan. I couldn't say no to my boyfriend, so here we are. In our new clan with four other clan mates. We're looking to recruit, so if you play, let me know. 

It's stoopid late, and I need sleep. Night all ... xoxo

Today, it's clear

I'm listening to the Scientist at the moment, and this feeling it's giving me today is a clear one. My thoughts instantly go to Stetson Man. Those tender moments we got to share when I was in Colorado with him ... the feel of his arms wrapped around me, his tender touch and soft kisses. Wave after wave of those thoughts wash over me as the song plays. 

And, for an instant, I'm in heaven. Just for a little while. Then, my thoughts float back down to my eyes, and I see what's before me.  My office. My computer, and my blog. 

But, for just the length of the song, I was with him again. Yes, in my head, and I guess those memories are still so fresh for me. I wonder if they are as fresh for him. Hmm....

It hits me a little harder everyday. And, everyday I fall a little more. 

xoxo

Science of my tears

Have you ever heard a song that instantly makes you cry? There are a few that touch me so, but none like this one. Coldplay's The Scientist. 

It's not just my tears, but it invokes a feeling of longing for something that just seems too far away. Something I want more than anything. Something I just can't have. Not yet, anyway. 

I don't know how else to put the science of my tears into words. This feeling comes from deep within me, and this song brings it to the surface so quickly, and instantly, I'm crying on the floor in my mind. It paralyzes me, and my eyes well up with tears, and I can't do anything to stop it. 

"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Aw, take me back to the start."

That line, I can't get it out of my head. I wonder if it means something that it's that line that sticks out in my mind? I don't know. I can't explain it. I can't explain this. But, I had to shared it on FB anyway. I don't care who sees it. I don't care what people think. I am in love with this song because it makes me feel. 

Another song that makes me teary-eyed is The Beatles' Woman. Ok, more than teary-eyes. I fricken ball when I hear this song.  And, I can't say why. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, I may have the answer. At the same time that I'm writing this blog post, I'm also writing in my journal. My journal is a place just for me. Sure, my blog is where I come to spit out a lot of stuff, but my journal? That place is the REAL me. No one shares that space, not even SM. For a long time, I didn't even want to share my blog with SM, but he's got this address now and can read any time he wants. 

But, I think I know why I just burst into tears now ... at random times, with random songs. The Scientist was a random one I heard on Pandora. At work! I listened to the words, and instantly I loved the music. Then, right there, the song spoke to my heart, and I was a goner. Every single time I hear this song now ... I'm paralyzed with a stream of tears running down my face. 

Yes, I am a sapp. And, I am also a huge nerd. And, there are songs that fill me with happiness, too. For instance, now, whenever I hear a song by CAKE, I think of SM. He knows I love that band, so on his birthday, when we were driving back from exploring in the mountains, he put on Comfort Eagle for me, and let the whole CD play over and over again. Just because it made me happy. What really made me happy was being with him ... while listening to a band we both like. 

Speaking of SM, we had a good Skype session tonight. He's got tonight off, and tomorrow night. So, we'll be skyping again tomorrow. He called me at work today ALL excited because he bought a new motorcycle. YES! I am excited for him, and for me! Cause, I get to ride that sexy bitch the next time I'm there. 

The next time I'm there ... when will that be? I am hoping, REALLY hoping it will be in September. It's still very iffy and quite high up in the air. But, I'm working on it. 

I'm working on it .... xoxo

Closing in on me ... breaking me down

I've been back home for two weeks now. And, this pressure, this ache to be somewhere else has not diminished. Not even a little. I'm feeling frustrated. 

The stress and frustration got to me pretty good today. At work, I don't know. I was losing it, and it was getting hard to even communicate and talk with patients. 

I just need to talk. To someone. Anyone who will help me through this. I want to talk with SM, but his work schedule is a demanding one, so our skype sessions have been reduced to once or twice a week. If even that. We still text everyday, but it's not much. 

I suppose the lack of contact can be good. It gives us a chance to really miss each other, and be all the more excited to talk and see each other when we do get to skype. Speaking of which, on our last session, he showed me a new tattoo he got on his right outer calve. It's a character from the show Invader Zim. I've never seen this show, but when he showed me what he got, I could NOT stop laughing. It's the main character's side kick, Gir. He told me that he went with that design because it was free, and he wanted to check out this tattoo apprentice before she actually did the tattoo he really wants. 

Gotta hand it to the guy, though. He wants to help her get more experience done for her apprenticeship, plus she's cheaper than a regular tattoo artist. He goes back in two weeks to get the one he really wants ... inner bicep right arm. I think it'll look great. But, his newest tatt of Gir ... oh my lord. It's hilarious! And, he was surprised that me, of all people laughed at him for it. Sure, I'm into cartoons and comics, but I could never just get a tatt of a character I don't even know permanently on my body. He be crazy, but he's my crazy guy. I love it. The spontaneity of his nature is just enough for me to handle. And, who knows? Maybe I'll get a tattoo the next time I'm up there. I have some ideas ....

So, I think I'll get to bed early tonight. B is spending the night at her dad's and I'm here alone with my thoughts. 

Clarity in a haste?

Well, I wouldn't quite call it a haste, but more like a rash decision. Nothing is set in stone, of course, but I'm really putting a lot of thought and effort into a move. 

While I was with my cousin in CO, she told me about how they came to move there after their first visit a few years ago. She told me that when I return home, I'm really going to feel it. Since, I've already been considering a move, it will be ever prevalent when I return. 

She was SO. RIGHT. 

After getting over the initial shock of missing SM, I felt how small this island really is. And, I've been wanting to crawl out of my own skin ever since. I absolutely did NOT want to think about coming back home while having the time of my life up there with him. And, I didn't. Not until a few days before I left. It was last Tuesday night when he was at work that it really hit me. I had to leave in a few short days. That combined with missing B was more than I could handle at the time. Tears were flowing, sobs crept out of me when I wasn't expecting it ... just an all around miserable night. I stayed up as late as I could, and when I woke again, he was there getting into bed with me. And, I have to say that is the best way to wake up. At least, it is for now. 

But, how long will for now be? I've been back home for three days now. I am feeling a bit better, but my thoughts go back to Colorado every chance it gets. I love the freedom we'll have up there, and now that I know I have options ... makes me want to move in haste. 

I've realized what I really want. What would make me the happiest in the whole world. And, that is to be able to work, write and come home to my two favorite people. B and SM. Everyday. That's all I want. I don't care if he and I have only been together for a few months. I've always enjoyed being in his company. And, I don't care about going out and having a super busy social life. Not anymore. I'm ready to settle down again. I'm ready to have my family, and just enjoy them. B wants a little brother or sister. I'm SO on the fence about that, but the topic is still on the table. As well as marriage. Even after being married to the biggest, nicest asshole jerk face, marriage isn't as tainted for me as I thought it would be. Not when it's with the right person. Sigh.

Talk about the big stuff being put into perspective. Do you understand my haste now?

Hah, but in all practicality, this move won't happen for a long while. I'm planning at least one more visit in a few months. Though, I will be working towards the move. You can count on that.

It's Skype time ... xoxo.

First Visit to the big CO

Yes readers, I am here! Finally with my Stetson Man. It feels like this time is flying by since I have already been here for five days. It's been amazing, and I am loving this place he is choosing to call his home.

Since I've never been here before, we've been doing a lot of sightseeing, and spending time with his family. His parents are also visiting this week, so it's been nice to spend time with them as well. I've met his parents a few years ago, but never really got to know them. I am really enjoying all the time I've spent here, and getting to play with all their pets. It's like a zoo in the house! A well contained zoo. 

So, I wondered what it would be like to be with SM as a couple since we've always just been good friends. I wondered how it would feel, and I wondered if it would be awkward. And, I am so relieved to know that it all feels natural. It feels right with him. 

We talked last night about it, and it was comforting to know that he feels the same as I do. He told me how he knows we made the right decision to do long distance, and he's happy that we did, and happy that we are still so compatible as a couple physically. Not much has changed, other than the fact that we are together. And, I love it. 

SM has had to work a few nights since I've been here, and I gotta say that it kinda sucks. He has to sleep during the day, so I would take that time to do activities with his family, and mine. Though, I haven't seen my family yet, I hope to soon. But, he goes to work around 6 pm, and doesn't get home until around 8 am the next morning. The hard part is sleeping alone in his bed, in his house. I miss him, and so I try to stay up as long as I can so it won't seem so long til he's home. Is that sad? Haha, I don't think that's quite the right wording, but I knew it would be like this since he's just started work. I didn't expect him to take off while I'm here, and he does have more days off than expected. So, I just cherish the time we do get on his work days. 

I just really miss him. It's almost 1 am here in Centennial, and I'm sitting in his living room typing away while ROME plays in the background. Haven't seen this show in ages, so I thought I'd watch it again. His kitty cat is laying beside me trying to get comfy enough to fall asleep. And, I'm doing my best to stay awake because I know that his lunch break is coming soon, and that's when I'll hear from him. One thing I have to say is that I like the stability. I know that I'll hear from him a few times during the night while he's at work. So many things I've come to learn and have been confirmed about he and I. It's amazing and scary at the same time. Hard to put it in words. 

I am happy. With him, I'm better. I feel complete. Don't know how I'm going to be able to get on that plane when I have to leave him here. Not gonna think about that. 

But, the weekend is rounding the corner, and it will be a busy one. Friday, we'll start the morning off visiting his cousins and their kids, then a shopping afternoon at an ikea. Then it's off to Denver for a few errands and some fun. Saturday, we will be going to the Renaissance fair, and probably a fire pit night at a friends house. Sunday, it's Comic Con in Denver, so I can't wait for that!

Lots of fun to be had, and I'm really having a great time. I miss my little B something fierce, but we got to skype, and we talk a little bit everyday. 

Life won't be the same now that I've got to have a taste of being with SM here in CO. A big, HUGE part of me is saying that I need to just do it, and move. I want to be with him, and I want to be here. Yes, I have my little B to think about, but it's kind of a no-brainer. The schools here are very good, and I would definitely make sure she and I have as much contact with my family back in Hawaii as we can. Skype is a wonderful thing. And, it's not like we'll be totally alone here. SM's family is so warm and welcoming, plus I have cousins that live not too far from him. 

So, now, I just need to talk to him and get his perspective. I know he wants me near, and I want to be near .... It will be good, I think. 

Til the next post .... xoxo.

Starting to love it

I'm talking about what I do. Yes, I'm talking about the writing. Always loved it, but writing articles for websites was never the main goal. But, you know what? It's my craft, and they're letting me get the practice and exposure that I need. I now have two editors. I've been writing for the online entertainment news website for about two months now, and about two weeks ago, I landed another writing job. 

This one has steady work. It seems I have hit the jackpot with this one since this contract boss needs articles every week. They pay the same as my other writing gig, which is good for now. I've just submitted my first article, and I'm hoping my writing style mixes well with what they're looking for. Though, I think he wouldn't have asked me to write if he didn't like my samples. Anyway, the work promises to be steady, and that is something that has really caught my interest. I'll do the best I can with what I have to work with, and maybe I'll get more assignments in the near future. 

As far as work on my book goes, it's going. Rather smooth since the creative juices have been flowing again. Unfortunately, that's how it goes for some of us writers. For me, I ride that wave of creativity as long as I can, until the oceans run flat. Then, nothing. Fortunately, I've managed to grab paying work in between those lulls. It's a little more comforting, but by no means for slacking off. No more!! This book must be finished this year. I'm kind of looking forward to some time I'll have in Colorado. Down time when SM is at work, and I'm at home thinking about what to do. I'll have my laptop since I will need to continuously submit work for both of my contract bosses, and I can work on my book. Inspiration, come to me now!

Stetson Man is on board! We skyped earlier today, and we talked about what we really love to do, and always wanted to do in life. For me, it's writing. No question. It's my passion, as you all can tell. And, it really motivates me to know, and hear him tell me how he likes my style of writing. So, he tells me about what he loves and where he would have liked to take his career. He thinks he's too old, but I think there's still room for him to do what he loves. So, I talk more about my writing gigs, and how I'm coming along with my book. And, he tells me that he loves that I'm getting to do what I really love. It makes him happy to see me succeeding one article at a time. I never had that support in my marriage. Had I? I might be a seasoned writer by now, but I don't like to think about that. 

At the very least, it's a start. A small one, but a start in the right direction for my life and my writing career. I have specific goals for this next year, and I'm setting out to achieve them. The fact that I have SM's full support means the world to me. 

But, I haven't quit the day job yet. The desk job is going pretty well. My manager loves me, and she says she'll really miss me when I'm in Colorado next month. It's only for two weeks, but I must be doing a really good job if she's gonna miss me already. I'm thinking that I might stay longer than I had planned. And, who knows. I have room to grow there, and it could even turn into a full time job. That, I wouldn't mind. It's a nice office with exceptional and friendly staff. And, like I said before, close to home. 

Well, it's after midnight, and since I've been back to work, my night owl days are pretty much over. I can't believe I'm still awake. The reason for that is because I just finished that article. I don't work tomorrow, so I'm trying to stay awake for longer tonight. I think I'll put Game of Thrones on and fall off to sleep. Full day tomorrow.

Good night, readers ...xoxo

Dilemma

I am conflicted at the moment. Not about Stetson Man. No. He's amazing and I know I'm so lucky to have him in my life. It's something else.

Can't really go into it because it's not sorted in my head just yet. Family related. And, I promised myself that I would never blog about family things that I'm dealing with. It's late, and I've taken so long to get a certain point across to a certain someones in my family, and now I'm stressing. I know it's stupid, and I know I'll feel so much better once I do. But, I can't fucking bring myself to do it. UGH.

I'm close to the breaking point, and I just want to get it over with already. Waiting another day is absolutely killing me. Fuck. Me.

Shit. My closest and best cuzzo knows what I'm talking about, and even she can't believe the circumstances ... but, understands. Ugh. Dammit. If I do it now, might help. Fuck.

I know. Rip the bandaid off, right?

Right. G'night world ... xoxo

June trip ... and Skype chat

It's getting closer and I can't wait! Just talked to my cousin tonight who lives in Colorado, and she is stoked I'm coming up to see them. Planning some stuff with her and the family one, or two of the days I'm out there. Not sure if Stetson Man will be able to join us since he doesn't know his work schedule yet. But, I'm kind of hoping he'll be free since it looks like we're planning a hiking day. And, a few grown up drinks afterward. Haha.

This cousin is through marriage, so we aren't actually related. BUT, they've been a part of our family since I was very young, so it feels like we've been family for a long time. She's several years older than me, but one of her kids is B's age, so that was fun being pregnant at the same time. In all, she has six kids. Yeah ... crazy! When she and her husband moved the family from here to Colorado, we all thought they were nuts, but they've been happy there and thriving. I'm glad for them, and every now and then we'll talk about what life is like there ... away from family and away from home. I'm curious about the move, and excited to see and explore out there. 

So, Stetson Man and I have been skyping more. A lot lately. About five days out of the week, or something like that. I can't get enough of the contact. It's all we have for now. Well, that and texting. I love spending my friday nights with him via skype, and he's said that he won't complain about doing the skype thing. Aww ... 

Friday, I got off work at 6pm my time, 10pm his time. I had asked him earlier that day if we could have a skype date that night after I got off. He's been busy taking a hunting certification class online, and researching some other things so he wasn't sure if he'd get all his stuff done in time. So, it was a nice surprise toward the end of my work day that he let me know he could skype. YAY! 

I got off work, and got to Kailua as fast as I could since M was going to watch B that night. I didn't get home til about an hour and a half later. At 11:30pm his time. Poor guy was already tired, but stayed up to have our skype date. So, he tells me that after he got his stuff for class done, he had planned to go to a car show with his uncle earlier that day, but since I asked to skype, he cancelled his plans since he wanted to see me. So sweet! And, though we never plan on staying on so long, time always goes by so fast and before we know it, several hours have passed. It's too funny.

So, tonight, we didn't skype and we probably won't tomorrow since I work. But, there's always Tuesday ... it will be so nice to see and talk to him again. Til then, we have text!

xoxo

Well, that didn't last ...

Thank goodness! Early this morning, I texted SM after figuring out why I was so bothered yesterday. We talked it out, he understood and apologized. He didn't have to, I was just happy he got it without me having to explain myself to no end.

So, I'm back to my normal self, happy and missing my Stetson Man a whole lot. 

In other news, I've managed to land two jobs. Yes, I am writing for an entertainment news website as an independent contractor, but I also got an office job that is close to home and is part time. 

I'm happy that I'll have steady income again. It'll be small pay, but it's something. We'll see how I like this new desk job. If it doesn't feel right, I'll look for something else, but in the mean time, I'm grateful they offered the position to me. 

That's about it for now. I may be back later with another post. 

xoxo

Hermit Mode

I don't know if it's that time of the month (before I get my ma'i) where I'm sensitive to everything or what. But, I've been feeling all around shitty tonight. People try to joke with me, and I'm taking everything to heart. Making me feel like I want to stay in my room and not talk to anyone.

I suppose there are periods every now and then where I keep to myself, and stay at home rather than go out and socialize. I don't know. Sometimes, I want to be alone ... rather, not around people. Anyone. Family, friends, framily, strangers especially. The tiniest comment can set me off right now. Yeah, I suppose it's my bitch running loose, and she deserves to. I'm a nice girl ... all the time. But, I think that nice-ness gets abused at times, and my bitch pops out to let my nice girl recuperate. 

That's it, I'm just recuperating. But, the bitch in me really wants to strangle someone ... knock some heads, and just go on a slap spree. Kick some asses and throat punch people. 

So, I have to be careful what I say. Especially when answering comments, or even plain commenting on facebook. I really hate that. So, I'm gonna stop. I don't even want to talk to SM. Frankly, if I don't hear from him tomorrow, he won't hear from me. 

I just need a break. From everyone. Or, maybe I need a good night's sleep. I may feel differently in the morning. 

I really hope so.   

Ramblings of the day

This will not be a well thought out post. So, if you're looking for some intelligent, meaningful entertainment right now, might as well keep looking. Just gonna bang out some random thoughts of the past few days ....

Just had a conversation with one of my girl friends. She's a sweet one, but for the life of me, I can only take her in small bits. She's just been filling me in on what's been going on with her and her ex (who is one of my friends, too). Supposedly, she's been moving on, yet hanging out with him almost everyday. Watching movies, going to parties, even hooking up. Tisk tisk. I mean, I know it's hard cutting off contact, but come on! There comes a point when it just gets to be pathetic. And, I can't tell her this because she won't listen to anyone. I know it to be true, because it happened to me years ago. I was that sad, pathetic little being willing to take any kind of interaction with an ex until one day, I said I won't feel like this anymore. 

And, I haven't ever since. It's gotta be on her own time, and in the mean time, we need to be there for her to vent. I know this. Just can't be the one she turns to every time something happens. It's draining. And, exhausting. 

Anyhoo, tomorrow is Friday! My favorite day of the week. It's also bike night, but I won't be riding. SM and I have a Skype date! I figure we'll chat for a good part my evening, then I'll be able to catch the end of bike night out at The Groove for some GoKart action! The last time I raced, I left a pretty big impression on my fellow racers. Not that I was a badass, but I broke the track ... yeah ... ran into the barriers BIG TIME. It was pretty hilarious. 

In other news, I'm thinking of taking a pole dancing class. I've been inspired by a really awesome dancer, and it was her choreography to the song Wicked Games by The Weekend that I am wanting to learn this type of dance. It will be for fun and fitness, so I'm hoping to try it sometime in the next few weeks. SM is all for it. Well, of course he is. Hehe ...
____________________________________________________________

Started this post last Thursday, but haven't picked it back up til now. It's Sunday night, and I gotta say that I've been feeling crappy today. 

My Friday and Saturday were great. Friday night, SM and I skyped for longer than I expected, so I didn't go out at all. I was pretty tired, but skyping with him was the only way I wanted to spend my Friday night anyway. So, it worked out perfect. On Saturday, we skyped again and for much longer. Four hours. It was great! Talked about a lot of things. But, I did myself in with one thing I wanted to know about him and his last relationship. At least, with the last girl he was seeing. 

I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I thought I could handle the answer. Something he said last night is bugging me, and has been bugging me all day. I've been peeved with him and really not wanting to talk. Not until I sort this out on my own. After all, I brought it on myself. 

I asked him what it was that he had with her since it was never clear to me. He answered by telling me that he didn't even know himself. And, then proceeded to tell me about it from the beginning. And, that was all fine. It was when I asked about them riding together that I got hurt. Apparently, she was an amazing pack. I am, too, but I haven't had the experience of riding with him the way she did. If you go back to September of 2013 and see my post "Last Friday", I detail my crazy ride with him as he returned from Guam after being away for several months. 

Up until that ride, he thought I was a great pack, too. But, after that, he changed his opinion. And, I suppose I've been sensitive about it ever since because I never had the privilege of riding with him as much as she did. When we talked last night, I genuinely got hurt. I don't know if he could tell, but I got offensive. Not mean, just sad and hurt. And, I've gone on rides with a few of our friends that love packing me because I'm such a good rider. And, to think that his opinion changed to a negative one really hurts. 

I was going to bring it up tonight and say that I've been peeved with him all day, but I decided not to. I sent him the "Last Friday" post and he read it this morning. Said he liked it. Great. But, there's nothing more I can tell him ... other than I hadn't been on a motorcycle for months before that ride, AND I was scared because my friend died on her motorcycle. He tried to reassure me last night after I got upset that he knows it was just one time, and that he doesn't think I'm terrible. But, it felt like he was just patronizing me. I know he wasn't, but I can't help but feel hurt and upset. 

I'm sure most of you think I'm being ridiculous, but you have to understand that his opinion on this is really important to me. I'm his girlfriend, and I can't be his girl that he doesn't want to ride with. It wouldn't matter if I wasn't so into riding as I am, but I love it. And, so does he. It's something we can and have been enjoying together. 

So, that's it for this post. I'm exhausted. Haven't talked to him much today. Really didn't want to ... for fear I might say something stupid that I'll regret. Sigh.

What do YOU want to hear?

My fellow readers, it's occurred to me that this blog, while it is ALL mine, that maybe you might want to hear about something other than my life. It's open for discussion ...

What do YOU guys want to hear? What would be interesting to hear about, talk about, contemplate? Debate? Right, it's a blog, but a healthy thread of continuous chat action can be a lot of fun, too. 

So, don't be afraid. Let me know what YOU want to talk about. I want to know. You can either leave me a comment, or send me an email: litluv78@gmail.com. 

I look forward to your ideas! 

Random late night thought ...

The amount of followers I have on this blog are less than ten. And, that's fine, but I wonder. I wonder how many of you followers of my blog actually read it??

If you are one of my followers, and you know who you are, leave me a comment. I just want to know if I've kept you reading. 

That's all .... xoxo

P.S. - I know I have regular readers who haven't hit that "follow" button, and I thank you. G'night!

Writing dreams slowly taking off ...

Well, one aspect of my start as a writer is taking off ... slowly. I am what you can call a Contributing Editor for an online entertainment news website. I just started this week. This website published one of my blog entries that I sent to them as a writing sample back in February. The Editor-in-Chief loved it, and so he's offered me a spot as a writer for their online website.

I am STOKED. I get to write and do research that I love. My first piece is an editorial on a local musician, and researching her music was very enjoyable. At first, I was intimidated by the deadline and their expectations. But, once I got through some research and began to form my opinion, the words flowed right through my fingers and on to the Pages screen. It feels good. 

I am not a journalist. That was my first thought as I processed the weight of my first assignment. I am not a journalist. I don't like doing interviews and digging around for dirt to splash into an article. But, it wasn't like that. Once I sat down and really thought about my contribution in doing this piece, I felt confident in letting my opinion be known. 

So, yesterday morning, I checked my email and found one from my editor's assistant. She gave me the basic guidelines for the article and when they'd like to see my first draft. They gave me until Sunday evening. I thought that should be enough time, so I go about my day doing what I needed to. It was a little before lunch when I sit down at my laptop and start researching. And, after watching a few music videos, reading some of her interviews and learning more about her, I take a picture of my screen and send it to Stetson Man with the caption "I got this far." I started the article and got a few paragraphs done. He read it and said it looks good so far. Yeah. I can already tell that he's going to be my biggest cheerleader. 

It was the bare bones to the start of the editorial, so I was getting hungry and figured I needed a little time to process my research. Then, I can begin forming my opinion. 

I go out and get a yummy steak plate for lunch, and by the time I had finished that, it was time to pick up B from school. So, I go and find her at the playground with one of her classmates. His mother is sitting nearby, so I go over and chat with her while our kids run around and play. After that, one of her best friends invited her over for a playdate, so I drop her off, and return home. 

Now, I'm feeling the writing coming on, so I put my headphones on and put on her music. As I listen, the article kind of blooms before my eyes and I finish it within a few short hours. Proud of it, I text SM later that night and tell him that I'll send him the draft because I want to know what he thinks. Being that I am a writer and this is my passion, it matters to me what he thinks. It matters to me that he supports my work. Though, it's not work to me, and I love that. My goal one day is to be able to support myself and my family as a successful writer, and it's important to me that he gets that and stands by me while I make my dream come true. 

After proofing my draft a few times, I decide it's ready to go, so I sent him the first copy. And, then a copy went to my editor's assistant. Feeling a bit nervous, I text him and tell him that. I just hope it's what they're looking for, and he reassures me that they're gonna love it.  He was making dinner at the time, so when he was done, he read it. He texts me saying he thought it was really good. That's more of a positive reaction than I could have asked for. 

So, now I'm waiting to hear back from my editor or his assistant. I'm really hoping it's not going to need too much tweaking, and that it's what they can use. It's exciting, and I didn't even have to leave the house. That's what I like about it ... being able to work at home on my own schedule. It's slow at first, but I'm hopeful that this will take my career as a writer in the right direction. 

Until the next post ... xoxo 

We have chat contact!

Yes, that's right, we have just had our first Skype chat since Stetson Man left the island. It was so nice to see him AND talk to him at the same time. I've been waiting a while for this to happen. For one thing, when he moved up there, he didn't have a very good internet connection, and another, he's been so busy getting settled and all moved in. 

So, we had been texting earlier today when he asked if I had Skype. I thought, YES! Finally, we're gonna video chat. Then, I remembered that the last time I tried to use my Skype account on my laptop, it wouldn't work. So, I thought ... GREAT. 

I tried opening the app anyway, and logged in. Come to find, the program was working great, so I add him and not even a second later, there's his incoming video call. I was so excited to see him. And, to hear his voice put a big smile on my face. Makes me want to video chat even more now. So, we end up chatting for three hours talking about all kinds of stuff, taking tours of each others house, and sending each other pictures. Old and new. And, yeah ... though he's been to my house many, many times, he hasn't actually been inside. Funny, I know.

Anyway, we talked and just enjoyed each others company, and it felt like he was there with me. Like, no time had gone by where we hadn't seen each other. Even though, it's been almost three months. 

Time is going by so fast. It's already April. The school year is coming to an end in just another month and a half. Then, it will be summer time. And, my trip to Colorado in June. Honestly, I couldn't be happier than I have been. Knowing I have one of the best guys at my side, though he's physically 3,000+ miles away. It's reassuring that he knows as well as I do that what we have is very special. I know I mean as much to him as he does to me. And, that is what I have been wanting in a partner. 

After our much overdue Skype chat, I feel even closer to him. I really do ... xoxo. 

Frustrated, but content???

That's right, folks! Though FB and I have been happy and content with our long distance relationship, I am getting frustrated. 

**And, for future reference, I am changing my FB's nickname to Stetson Man aka SM. Though, he is and will always be my Foodie Buddy, he's now my Stetson Man.**

It's not a big problem, not really a problem at all. I know I'm going to see him in June, and I'll get to spend A LOT of time with him. It's keeping me going and it's also keeping me sane. Funny thing is, though I'm hot and bothered, I'm not even thinking about straying. The old me, the me two years ago would have the wandering eye already. 

Is it the distance that's keeping me wanting him, and only him? Not to boast my own ego, but I've had opportunities to stray, but there's nothing appealing about any of that. Not anymore. Or, maybe I've just had enough of the game, and realized that I've got quite a man in SM. Yes, that's it. That is totally it. I don't want to do anything to screw this up. That's how much I want this to work. 

And, so far, it's working beautifully. Stetson Man and I have a relationship that consists of mostly texting. Daily, but we are also facebook friends, with many mutual friends to join us together, and make it feel like we're all so connected on a daily basis. We talk occasionally, but mostly keep it to chat and text. Neither of us are 'talk on the phone' type of people. 

So, tonight, I came across this article in Cosmo that described a bunch qualities in a guy that you should marry. I went down the list, and man .... SM fits the bill. Now, I'm not thinking of marriage, not this early in the game, but it got me thinking about why we're doing long distance in the first place. And, it comes down to the fact that we're working towards a goal of being in the same place, and to be together finally. No matter how long it takes. I'm hoping it won't take that long, but definitely feeling this first year out. He wants to be sure that Colorado is where he really wants to be. As for me, I've been on the fence about moving off the rock for a very long time. 

I suppose, I'd be completely comfortable with SM deciding to stay in Colorado on a more permanent basis. If it comes to that, it won't be easy at first, but we'd make it work. 

That's how much we want this to work. And, it feels good. 

It's stoopid late, readers. Gonna get to bed! .... xoxo

Sometimes, shit happens ...

Remember a while back in one of my earliest posts, I wrote about how dating within my group of friends was just out of the question? Well, yes I am now dating one of them, but that's beside the point. And, it's a whole different case.

This recent situation has to do with one of my riding buddies who is deployed at the moment. He had started seeing this girl a few months before he left. She's a sweet girl, and the group welcomed her while he was here, and embraced her after he left. She has been included in everything. It was our pleasure to make her feel like one of us for the sake of our buddy. 

But, this past weekend proved the point I made in my earlier post about girls that are brought into the group by one of the guys just because they are dating. 

Some shit went down Friday night, and now she is an outcast. All the guys are convinced she's bad news, and now I don't know what to do since I have become pretty good friends with her. Sigh.

Since I'm dating one of the main guys in our group, it makes it extra hard to keep up this friendship. I know she's sad about it being over, but I think it's even harder because she was doing things with us a lot. Even some of the girls I talked to are mixed about it. I feel bad, but if the accusations are true, I'm gonna have to leave this one alone. 

It's not at all about who I'm dating, or what he'll think of me. It's about the fact we trusted this girl to be true to one of our friends. And, that's the thing. I think that if she and my friend had split on mutual terms, she would still be welcome in our framily. But, since it ended horribly, she'll no longer be a part of anything we do. 

And, that is what I was talking about. Coming into such a wonderful group as my motorcycle framily as someone's significant other, rather than another motorcycle lover. It's a totally different thing. These people are not only my friends, they've become like family. And, had I started dating one of them from the beginning, I guarantee that I wouldn't be a part of them the way I am now. 

Such is the case with one of our other girl friends. She and her guy are teetering on the brink of a broken relationship. She's been around the group for well over a year now, but once it's over (if it goes that way), she'll be outcast from a lot of events as well. Though, I won't shun her, it will be hard for her to not be a part of a lot of the things we all do together. 

You may think I'm being judgmental about these girls, but I can assure you that I'm not. I like them, and will keep them as friends. The first one, not so sure about yet because that one ended really badly. Though, she's always been kind and sweet to me, I'm staying out of this one. I told her to just let it go, and it's for the best. And, it really is. 

So, I've had a full day today, but I'm heading out again. Bowling in Kailua. Have a good night, loves.

xoxo

The Search ...

Yes, the search for the perfect job is on! No, not the perfect job, but what would be perfect to me. A writing job. Something that wouldn't seem like work at all. I don't think I was really serious about it before. Yes, I have posted that I've always wanted to get paid for my writing, but now it might actually come true. I'm trying. Hard. Very hard to get one ... or a few. 

Most of the ads I'm responding to are writing for online magazines and blogs. So, I figure that would be a great way to start. I'm still working towards publishing my first novel, but have hit a few setbacks with that. Not to worry. It's still on schedule. 

In other news, things with FB are progressing. We just had another talk on Monday about what we are doing. He's been in Colorado for about two weeks now, and he's more settled. I'm so glad, and I'm so happy. Though, we're thousands of miles apart, we've decided to give it a real try. We're officially dating, and I am over the moon. I told him that I want to visit in April, and he hopes I can make it. Then, we'll have our official first date. Til then, we'll be texting just like we have been, video chatting, movie watching, and whatever else we can think of to do together, but apart. 

So, now I am doing a bit of relaxing, and working. Around 11, one of my riding buddies is picking me up to go to lunch. It will be nice since I haven't seen this friend for a long time. Looking forward to it. 

xoxo

Randoms and Fathoms

There are a few things on my mind at the moment. One of them being that my cat needs to be fed. Hang on ....

Ok, she's fed and not yelling at me anymore. I do rather enjoy her meow's, though. 

Anyway, I need to find a job .. ugh. I think I've procrastinated on this for long enough. Unemployment is slowly running out, and I don't think I can apply for an extension. Or, can I? I can't rely on that, so the job search will be serious from now on.

I do have a lead for a writing job! It would be blogging for my friend's company on his website. Waiting for more information on that, but it's exciting because I'll get to write. Also, my own blog isn't getting much hits, and I'm considering taking it more public. Like, Facebook public. Still on the fence about that one. I don't think I want EVERYONE I know to know that Litluv is me. You know? The anonymity I have writing my blog is such a nice little safety wall. Granted, there are a few of my friends and family who know me personally, but I like it that way. Though, I am considering letting FB read my blog. I've told him about it, not much in the way of details. Just that he knows of its existence. I think once he's settled in Colorado, I'll give him the chance to read it ... and then we'll see if he'll stick around after reading about my crazy-upside down social life. Sigh.

Speaking of FB, yes I am missing him. A lot. It's been almost three weeks since he's been gone. We talk a bit everyday, and I love that. Though, he's on my mind, I'm glad he's keeping busy and having a good time up there. I know I'm on his mind as well, and I like that. Still too soon to tell if the distance will hit us hard, but so far, I'm staying positive and it hasn't been so bad. 

Getting back to riding! I'll be doing bike night tomorrow. Yes! Friday night cruise, how I've missed you! I'll be hitching a ride on the back of my friend's Honda cruiser. Nothing too crazy, but it'll be a fun night out with good friends. Saturday, we'll be hitting Chinatown again, this time with family. I find that I enjoy the street fair a lot more when we're with the ones we love. It's crazy and hectic since the street fair is ALWAYS mind bogglingly crowded, but it's a family tradition that I love and will try to keep alive with my own little family unit. No matter where we are. 

Sunday, I think we'll just be lazy and hang around the house. Then, on Monday, B is off school, so I have no idea what we'll do yet. 

So, I think I'll conclude here. Night, readers xoxo