Kicked to the curb ...

Not literally, but it feels like it. Feeling pissed off at the moment. So, I'm writing.

Earlier today, I took a peek at facebook, and saw one of my friends was going riding this afternoon. I had just seen H a few days ago and he mentioned that we'd start riding again. Awesome. He's getting his riding mojo back. 

Seems I jumped the gun on it, though. I was hoping that H would see the post and want to go, too. Well, he did want to. Just not with me. Burn. 

So, when he said he just wanted to be alone today, it really hit me that he's way too emo for me. I had hoped that we could stay in touch for a while. I didn't want to lose the chance of riding together. But, he mentioned the other night that he's just too dangerous to ride with. So, I asked if we'd stop riding together. He said we'd still ride, and then the convo turned to how he started riding with me, and then how it got more fast and dangerous. Even with me on the back.

I'm thinking he just told me that as a way to pacify me. To keep me around. Well, buddy ... I'm on to you. I have no room in my life for talkers with little to no action. In the beginning, this guy was ALL about the action. And now, I'm nothing more than a little gray bubble in his text messages. Sad. 

Just makes me think ... about the time I'm quite possibly wasting on another wounded bird that may or may not heed any of my advice. Or, might just put me down to never pick me up again. It's probably best that I just forget all this happened. I think he'd be fine if we just went our separate ways. I'm not as special as he made it seem when we first met, so why hesitate, right?

I need a riding teacher. That's why. He may not want to ride with me anymore, but I don't have anyone else to teach me. He's offered, he's got a bike to do it with, too. Technically, it's not his bike, but it's still a small one that's perfect for me to start learning on. 

I wrote a not so nice letter to this guy. Kept it in my phone. Can't send it. Not yet, anyway. 

Just had a thought that made me smile. One of my massage therapists had been reading my blog yesterday in between seeing patients. She got hooked after reading the first post. And, she tells me "Wow. You don't hold back when you write! I wanna read some more." Really feels good to hear feedback like that. And, no I don't hold back. As my readers know, I am very candid and blunt in my writing. I'm the exact same way in person. It's sort of a gift and a curse. 

But, back to the current ramblings of my mind, I'm exhausted and I don't want to think about this anymore. Not worth it. Not even close. 

Looks like another lonely Saturday night. Awesome.

xoxo