Starting to love it

I'm talking about what I do. Yes, I'm talking about the writing. Always loved it, but writing articles for websites was never the main goal. But, you know what? It's my craft, and they're letting me get the practice and exposure that I need. I now have two editors. I've been writing for the online entertainment news website for about two months now, and about two weeks ago, I landed another writing job. 

This one has steady work. It seems I have hit the jackpot with this one since this contract boss needs articles every week. They pay the same as my other writing gig, which is good for now. I've just submitted my first article, and I'm hoping my writing style mixes well with what they're looking for. Though, I think he wouldn't have asked me to write if he didn't like my samples. Anyway, the work promises to be steady, and that is something that has really caught my interest. I'll do the best I can with what I have to work with, and maybe I'll get more assignments in the near future. 

As far as work on my book goes, it's going. Rather smooth since the creative juices have been flowing again. Unfortunately, that's how it goes for some of us writers. For me, I ride that wave of creativity as long as I can, until the oceans run flat. Then, nothing. Fortunately, I've managed to grab paying work in between those lulls. It's a little more comforting, but by no means for slacking off. No more!! This book must be finished this year. I'm kind of looking forward to some time I'll have in Colorado. Down time when SM is at work, and I'm at home thinking about what to do. I'll have my laptop since I will need to continuously submit work for both of my contract bosses, and I can work on my book. Inspiration, come to me now!

Stetson Man is on board! We skyped earlier today, and we talked about what we really love to do, and always wanted to do in life. For me, it's writing. No question. It's my passion, as you all can tell. And, it really motivates me to know, and hear him tell me how he likes my style of writing. So, he tells me about what he loves and where he would have liked to take his career. He thinks he's too old, but I think there's still room for him to do what he loves. So, I talk more about my writing gigs, and how I'm coming along with my book. And, he tells me that he loves that I'm getting to do what I really love. It makes him happy to see me succeeding one article at a time. I never had that support in my marriage. Had I? I might be a seasoned writer by now, but I don't like to think about that. 

At the very least, it's a start. A small one, but a start in the right direction for my life and my writing career. I have specific goals for this next year, and I'm setting out to achieve them. The fact that I have SM's full support means the world to me. 

But, I haven't quit the day job yet. The desk job is going pretty well. My manager loves me, and she says she'll really miss me when I'm in Colorado next month. It's only for two weeks, but I must be doing a really good job if she's gonna miss me already. I'm thinking that I might stay longer than I had planned. And, who knows. I have room to grow there, and it could even turn into a full time job. That, I wouldn't mind. It's a nice office with exceptional and friendly staff. And, like I said before, close to home. 

Well, it's after midnight, and since I've been back to work, my night owl days are pretty much over. I can't believe I'm still awake. The reason for that is because I just finished that article. I don't work tomorrow, so I'm trying to stay awake for longer tonight. I think I'll put Game of Thrones on and fall off to sleep. Full day tomorrow.

Good night, readers ...xoxo

Dilemma

I am conflicted at the moment. Not about Stetson Man. No. He's amazing and I know I'm so lucky to have him in my life. It's something else.

Can't really go into it because it's not sorted in my head just yet. Family related. And, I promised myself that I would never blog about family things that I'm dealing with. It's late, and I've taken so long to get a certain point across to a certain someones in my family, and now I'm stressing. I know it's stupid, and I know I'll feel so much better once I do. But, I can't fucking bring myself to do it. UGH.

I'm close to the breaking point, and I just want to get it over with already. Waiting another day is absolutely killing me. Fuck. Me.

Shit. My closest and best cuzzo knows what I'm talking about, and even she can't believe the circumstances ... but, understands. Ugh. Dammit. If I do it now, might help. Fuck.

I know. Rip the bandaid off, right?

Right. G'night world ... xoxo

June trip ... and Skype chat

It's getting closer and I can't wait! Just talked to my cousin tonight who lives in Colorado, and she is stoked I'm coming up to see them. Planning some stuff with her and the family one, or two of the days I'm out there. Not sure if Stetson Man will be able to join us since he doesn't know his work schedule yet. But, I'm kind of hoping he'll be free since it looks like we're planning a hiking day. And, a few grown up drinks afterward. Haha.

This cousin is through marriage, so we aren't actually related. BUT, they've been a part of our family since I was very young, so it feels like we've been family for a long time. She's several years older than me, but one of her kids is B's age, so that was fun being pregnant at the same time. In all, she has six kids. Yeah ... crazy! When she and her husband moved the family from here to Colorado, we all thought they were nuts, but they've been happy there and thriving. I'm glad for them, and every now and then we'll talk about what life is like there ... away from family and away from home. I'm curious about the move, and excited to see and explore out there. 

So, Stetson Man and I have been skyping more. A lot lately. About five days out of the week, or something like that. I can't get enough of the contact. It's all we have for now. Well, that and texting. I love spending my friday nights with him via skype, and he's said that he won't complain about doing the skype thing. Aww ... 

Friday, I got off work at 6pm my time, 10pm his time. I had asked him earlier that day if we could have a skype date that night after I got off. He's been busy taking a hunting certification class online, and researching some other things so he wasn't sure if he'd get all his stuff done in time. So, it was a nice surprise toward the end of my work day that he let me know he could skype. YAY! 

I got off work, and got to Kailua as fast as I could since M was going to watch B that night. I didn't get home til about an hour and a half later. At 11:30pm his time. Poor guy was already tired, but stayed up to have our skype date. So, he tells me that after he got his stuff for class done, he had planned to go to a car show with his uncle earlier that day, but since I asked to skype, he cancelled his plans since he wanted to see me. So sweet! And, though we never plan on staying on so long, time always goes by so fast and before we know it, several hours have passed. It's too funny.

So, tonight, we didn't skype and we probably won't tomorrow since I work. But, there's always Tuesday ... it will be so nice to see and talk to him again. Til then, we have text!

xoxo

Well, that didn't last ...

Thank goodness! Early this morning, I texted SM after figuring out why I was so bothered yesterday. We talked it out, he understood and apologized. He didn't have to, I was just happy he got it without me having to explain myself to no end.

So, I'm back to my normal self, happy and missing my Stetson Man a whole lot. 

In other news, I've managed to land two jobs. Yes, I am writing for an entertainment news website as an independent contractor, but I also got an office job that is close to home and is part time. 

I'm happy that I'll have steady income again. It'll be small pay, but it's something. We'll see how I like this new desk job. If it doesn't feel right, I'll look for something else, but in the mean time, I'm grateful they offered the position to me. 

That's about it for now. I may be back later with another post. 

xoxo

Hermit Mode

I don't know if it's that time of the month (before I get my ma'i) where I'm sensitive to everything or what. But, I've been feeling all around shitty tonight. People try to joke with me, and I'm taking everything to heart. Making me feel like I want to stay in my room and not talk to anyone.

I suppose there are periods every now and then where I keep to myself, and stay at home rather than go out and socialize. I don't know. Sometimes, I want to be alone ... rather, not around people. Anyone. Family, friends, framily, strangers especially. The tiniest comment can set me off right now. Yeah, I suppose it's my bitch running loose, and she deserves to. I'm a nice girl ... all the time. But, I think that nice-ness gets abused at times, and my bitch pops out to let my nice girl recuperate. 

That's it, I'm just recuperating. But, the bitch in me really wants to strangle someone ... knock some heads, and just go on a slap spree. Kick some asses and throat punch people. 

So, I have to be careful what I say. Especially when answering comments, or even plain commenting on facebook. I really hate that. So, I'm gonna stop. I don't even want to talk to SM. Frankly, if I don't hear from him tomorrow, he won't hear from me. 

I just need a break. From everyone. Or, maybe I need a good night's sleep. I may feel differently in the morning. 

I really hope so.   

Ramblings of the day

This will not be a well thought out post. So, if you're looking for some intelligent, meaningful entertainment right now, might as well keep looking. Just gonna bang out some random thoughts of the past few days ....

Just had a conversation with one of my girl friends. She's a sweet one, but for the life of me, I can only take her in small bits. She's just been filling me in on what's been going on with her and her ex (who is one of my friends, too). Supposedly, she's been moving on, yet hanging out with him almost everyday. Watching movies, going to parties, even hooking up. Tisk tisk. I mean, I know it's hard cutting off contact, but come on! There comes a point when it just gets to be pathetic. And, I can't tell her this because she won't listen to anyone. I know it to be true, because it happened to me years ago. I was that sad, pathetic little being willing to take any kind of interaction with an ex until one day, I said I won't feel like this anymore. 

And, I haven't ever since. It's gotta be on her own time, and in the mean time, we need to be there for her to vent. I know this. Just can't be the one she turns to every time something happens. It's draining. And, exhausting. 

Anyhoo, tomorrow is Friday! My favorite day of the week. It's also bike night, but I won't be riding. SM and I have a Skype date! I figure we'll chat for a good part my evening, then I'll be able to catch the end of bike night out at The Groove for some GoKart action! The last time I raced, I left a pretty big impression on my fellow racers. Not that I was a badass, but I broke the track ... yeah ... ran into the barriers BIG TIME. It was pretty hilarious. 

In other news, I'm thinking of taking a pole dancing class. I've been inspired by a really awesome dancer, and it was her choreography to the song Wicked Games by The Weekend that I am wanting to learn this type of dance. It will be for fun and fitness, so I'm hoping to try it sometime in the next few weeks. SM is all for it. Well, of course he is. Hehe ...
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Started this post last Thursday, but haven't picked it back up til now. It's Sunday night, and I gotta say that I've been feeling crappy today. 

My Friday and Saturday were great. Friday night, SM and I skyped for longer than I expected, so I didn't go out at all. I was pretty tired, but skyping with him was the only way I wanted to spend my Friday night anyway. So, it worked out perfect. On Saturday, we skyped again and for much longer. Four hours. It was great! Talked about a lot of things. But, I did myself in with one thing I wanted to know about him and his last relationship. At least, with the last girl he was seeing. 

I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I thought I could handle the answer. Something he said last night is bugging me, and has been bugging me all day. I've been peeved with him and really not wanting to talk. Not until I sort this out on my own. After all, I brought it on myself. 

I asked him what it was that he had with her since it was never clear to me. He answered by telling me that he didn't even know himself. And, then proceeded to tell me about it from the beginning. And, that was all fine. It was when I asked about them riding together that I got hurt. Apparently, she was an amazing pack. I am, too, but I haven't had the experience of riding with him the way she did. If you go back to September of 2013 and see my post "Last Friday", I detail my crazy ride with him as he returned from Guam after being away for several months. 

Up until that ride, he thought I was a great pack, too. But, after that, he changed his opinion. And, I suppose I've been sensitive about it ever since because I never had the privilege of riding with him as much as she did. When we talked last night, I genuinely got hurt. I don't know if he could tell, but I got offensive. Not mean, just sad and hurt. And, I've gone on rides with a few of our friends that love packing me because I'm such a good rider. And, to think that his opinion changed to a negative one really hurts. 

I was going to bring it up tonight and say that I've been peeved with him all day, but I decided not to. I sent him the "Last Friday" post and he read it this morning. Said he liked it. Great. But, there's nothing more I can tell him ... other than I hadn't been on a motorcycle for months before that ride, AND I was scared because my friend died on her motorcycle. He tried to reassure me last night after I got upset that he knows it was just one time, and that he doesn't think I'm terrible. But, it felt like he was just patronizing me. I know he wasn't, but I can't help but feel hurt and upset. 

I'm sure most of you think I'm being ridiculous, but you have to understand that his opinion on this is really important to me. I'm his girlfriend, and I can't be his girl that he doesn't want to ride with. It wouldn't matter if I wasn't so into riding as I am, but I love it. And, so does he. It's something we can and have been enjoying together. 

So, that's it for this post. I'm exhausted. Haven't talked to him much today. Really didn't want to ... for fear I might say something stupid that I'll regret. Sigh.

What do YOU want to hear?

My fellow readers, it's occurred to me that this blog, while it is ALL mine, that maybe you might want to hear about something other than my life. It's open for discussion ...

What do YOU guys want to hear? What would be interesting to hear about, talk about, contemplate? Debate? Right, it's a blog, but a healthy thread of continuous chat action can be a lot of fun, too. 

So, don't be afraid. Let me know what YOU want to talk about. I want to know. You can either leave me a comment, or send me an email: litluv78@gmail.com. 

I look forward to your ideas!