This will not be a well thought out post. So, if you're looking for some intelligent, meaningful entertainment right now, might as well keep looking. Just gonna bang out some random thoughts of the past few days ....
Just had a conversation with one of my girl friends. She's a sweet one, but for the life of me, I can only take her in small bits. She's just been filling me in on what's been going on with her and her ex (who is one of my friends, too). Supposedly, she's been moving on, yet hanging out with him almost everyday. Watching movies, going to parties, even hooking up. Tisk tisk. I mean, I know it's hard cutting off contact, but come on! There comes a point when it just gets to be pathetic. And, I can't tell her this because she won't listen to anyone. I know it to be true, because it happened to me years ago. I was that sad, pathetic little being willing to take any kind of interaction with an ex until one day, I said I won't feel like this anymore.
And, I haven't ever since. It's gotta be on her own time, and in the mean time, we need to be there for her to vent. I know this. Just can't be the one she turns to every time something happens. It's draining. And, exhausting.
Anyhoo, tomorrow is Friday! My favorite day of the week. It's also bike night, but I won't be riding. SM and I have a Skype date! I figure we'll chat for a good part my evening, then I'll be able to catch the end of bike night out at The Groove for some GoKart action! The last time I raced, I left a pretty big impression on my fellow racers. Not that I was a badass, but I broke the track ... yeah ... ran into the barriers BIG TIME. It was pretty hilarious.
In other news, I'm thinking of taking a pole dancing class. I've been inspired by a really awesome dancer, and it was her choreography to the song Wicked Games by The Weekend that I am wanting to learn this type of dance. It will be for fun and fitness, so I'm hoping to try it sometime in the next few weeks. SM is all for it. Well, of course he is. Hehe ...
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Started this post last Thursday, but haven't picked it back up til now. It's Sunday night, and I gotta say that I've been feeling crappy today.
My Friday and Saturday were great. Friday night, SM and I skyped for longer than I expected, so I didn't go out at all. I was pretty tired, but skyping with him was the only way I wanted to spend my Friday night anyway. So, it worked out perfect. On Saturday, we skyped again and for much longer. Four hours. It was great! Talked about a lot of things. But, I did myself in with one thing I wanted to know about him and his last relationship. At least, with the last girl he was seeing.
I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I thought I could handle the answer. Something he said last night is bugging me, and has been bugging me all day. I've been peeved with him and really not wanting to talk. Not until I sort this out on my own. After all, I brought it on myself.
I asked him what it was that he had with her since it was never clear to me. He answered by telling me that he didn't even know himself. And, then proceeded to tell me about it from the beginning. And, that was all fine. It was when I asked about them riding together that I got hurt. Apparently, she was an amazing pack. I am, too, but I haven't had the experience of riding with him the way she did. If you go back to September of 2013 and see my post "Last Friday", I detail my crazy ride with him as he returned from Guam after being away for several months.
Up until that ride, he thought I was a great pack, too. But, after that, he changed his opinion. And, I suppose I've been sensitive about it ever since because I never had the privilege of riding with him as much as she did. When we talked last night, I genuinely got hurt. I don't know if he could tell, but I got offensive. Not mean, just sad and hurt. And, I've gone on rides with a few of our friends that love packing me because I'm such a good rider. And, to think that his opinion changed to a negative one really hurts.
I was going to bring it up tonight and say that I've been peeved with him all day, but I decided not to. I sent him the "Last Friday" post and he read it this morning. Said he liked it. Great. But, there's nothing more I can tell him ... other than I hadn't been on a motorcycle for months before that ride, AND I was scared because my friend died on her motorcycle. He tried to reassure me last night after I got upset that he knows it was just one time, and that he doesn't think I'm terrible. But, it felt like he was just patronizing me. I know he wasn't, but I can't help but feel hurt and upset.
I'm sure most of you think I'm being ridiculous, but you have to understand that his opinion on this is really important to me. I'm his girlfriend, and I can't be his girl that he doesn't want to ride with. It wouldn't matter if I wasn't so into riding as I am, but I love it. And, so does he. It's something we can and have been enjoying together.
So, that's it for this post. I'm exhausted. Haven't talked to him much today. Really didn't want to ... for fear I might say something stupid that I'll regret. Sigh.
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