Care to finish that line, anyone? I really don't. Especially since I've made up my mind. And, it's onward I go.
If I listened to my heart every time I fell for a guy, I'd be a miserable pile of messy, tangled hair (cause my hair is long) just hoping, waiting, wanting him to turn back my way, and come back for me. But, we all know that it doesn't work like that. At least, not when we want it to.
For me, I see change years after a guy has left me behind. Not with all of them (thank god), but with some ... and it seems more often than not. And, when it happens, I always question "why?" What has happened in the past few years to make them realize that it's me they want?
I still don't have the answer, even though they always tell me it's because we had so many good times together. And, that I'm still so beautiful. Gee, thanks for noticing, guys. Too bad you didn't appreciate it when ya had me. But, it still doesn't make for a real, true answer. And, not one of them can really show me why. That's mostly my fault though. It's hard to give a guy a chance when you don't feel that way anymore. It really is. Another thing is, I used to be famous for giving just about any guy a chance. Even if I wasn't instantly attracted, I was open to the possibility. What I've found in being so open to a relationship with just anyone is that it will eventually fizzle. And, I'm always to blame for that. I have to be physically attracted almost right off the bat. Seems shallow, but it's the damn truth. It doesn't go very far if I'm not. And, if I start seeing a guy that's LEAVING the island, forget it. There can't be anything real with someone like that. SM excluded cause he WAS living here for 5 years before he left. And, we were good friends first. We still are. Even though he sort of cracked me (didn't break me, cause if he did, I'd still be whining about it), it didn't take very long to get over it, and go back to being friends. It also helped that H was there to swoop me off my feet. And, I think that's all he was meant to do.
Kinda sad, though because for those who don't know me, I'm not the type of girl to linger in the moment. Not for long, that is. I've dated a few guys who made it clear that all they wanted was the attention. Even after they clearly didn't want to be with me, they still wanted me to chase them. Oh HELL NO. What's the fucking point?? To encourage your big fat man ego? No ... I don't think so, buddy. Go get your damn thrills from some other girl. It ain't me.
And, I'm not pointing that at anyone directly. It's just been my experience whilst dating among the masses. Yep, you guys that I've dated and read this, you are just another guy among the mass that I've had to fight through to get to where I am.
So, where am I? I'm in a place of change. Transition. I've been stewing, growing, biding my time in my cocoon for far too long. It's time this butterfly bursts forth and explore the furthest reaches of it's new found freedom. I haven't felt this good in a very long time.
Yes, my dearies. I am going to listen to my heart now. It's telling me that I have a lot of good things coming. And, I know it's right.
xoxo
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