Third time is not always the charm

In the last 2 years, I've been in 3 relationships. All of which lasted 2 months. The first, I decided to give a try with an open mind because I hadn't been out there dating since I separated from the ex. At the time, I didn't know what I wanted, simply just to have a good time and have some good companionship. That all ended when reality hit and I met someone else. 

The second relationship came just  over a year later. It was with someone I couldn't see a future with since he was in the military and leaving at the end of the year. It started out as two people enjoying each other's company, and that's really all I was looking for back then. See, I was dating and talking to a bunch of other people, so being in a serious relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. He didn't understand, so after 2 months, he broke it off. I was absolutely fine with that and got over it in a heartbeat. 

The third is the latest. It just ended on Friday. 

Of the three guys, this last one I really thought was the genuine article. He had the makings of an excellent partner, wonderful play mate and a good father. I won't go into too much detail, just that I'm very sad that it's over. Needless to say, I did not want it to end. And, from what he's told me, he didn't either, but under the circumstances, he felt he couldn't give our relationship the time and nurturing it needed. True. But, lame. 

If you really want to be with someone, and you really care about them, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make it work? I sure would. I sure wanted to. For the first time in years, I wanted to be in this. All in. And, I would have done just about anything to make this work. So, when he raised some issues a few days ago, I thought about it and quickly came up with solutions. We talked about it briefly, but I don't think he even heard me. His mind was already made up and closed to the possibility of us going further. 

It's hard for me to even comprehend because prior to this shit storm, we were happy. Saw each other every weekend, and always had a blast together. We have a lot in common, but I guess it wasn't enough. Two months seems like a blip in the radar, but it was pretty epic. I thought it was real and I am deflated that it turned out to be a fantasy, yet again. 

When I think about it, one question comes to mind. Why doesn't it ever work out for me? I mean, it seems I have an endless supply of dating stories to tell, but at some point, when will they turn into just memories? I'm ready to be in a real, exclusive relationship. And, he knew it. Still, he broke my heart. I feel that I'm destined to be alone. One of my good friends keeps encouraging me to keep looking on the bright side, but I don't know how much longer I can do that. When, even the nicest guys with the most partner potential turns out to be the same jerk I keep meeting over and over again. It's a constant no-win situation and I'm tired of playing the game.

Seriously. So tired. 

So, now that I'm single again, I plan on staying that way for a long time. I've come to the realization that I want what I want, but if I can't have it, fuck it. Life is too short to be stressing over emotions that keep us in one place. I need to keep moving forward. He will not be the end of me. And, he will not dominate my thoughts any longer. No ... motorcycles, writing and my little B are my priorities now. Not in that order, obviously. But, I did go on the ride this past Friday and it was amazing. I haven't been riding for a few months, and timing for this ride had been perfect. I had a clear head to enjoy being on the bike again, and absolutely loved the time spent with my moto krew. I rode with a new friend and he ended up being a good, safe rider. Hoping we can ride again soon. 

I also plan to be writing more, so stay tuned!