Hello Readers! I'm back after not posting for a while. The reason being I've been hanging out with someone. I talked about him briefly in my last few posts, but at that time, I was cautious about meeting.
Rightly so.
He came on strong in the beginning .... as they all do and made me feel so important. Like, he wanted to be with me every second of the day. It's so funny, and at the same time, so frustrating getting into anything with a guy like this. My mind goes fuzzy and my judgment, cloudy. False emotions are implanted in my mind by this impostor, and WHOOSH, I'm swept away. That part, is my fault. Letting him sweep me off my feet, and fostering thoughts about this guy and me which, I've come to find are completely the opposite of what he wants right now.
I mean, we both miss the benefits of being in a couple. And, I think that's where we slipped up. We're still hanging out and having a good time, but at whose expense? He is HOT and it sort of boggles my mind that he just wants to hang out with me. Only me. He makes time for me like no one else, so can you see how that would play with my emotions? That's one of the things I love about him. He always wants me around ... even when he isn't there. For example, on Saturday, he had to help a friend move some furniture. It wasn't going to take long, maybe an hour and a half, so he asks if I would stay and wait for him at his place. Then, we could go back to my side to get B when he got back. Dude likes doing everything together. And, that's what I mean about missing being in a couple. Just being with him, doing everyday things is so satisfying for me. So, its hard to disconnect that kind of activity from the emotional part of it all. But, I have to because I enjoy his company and I don't want to lose that. There is something there, that potential for more. I know he sees it because now, he's grown scared of it. I can tell.
He isn't the most perfect guy in the world. No, actually he's far from it as I learn more and more about him. But, his flaws haven't deterred my interest as of yet. His flaws are something that is pulling more interest from me. I want to learn more about his life before me and what causes him to do the things he does. I haven't felt that way about anyone in a very long time. Some other guys I've dated had flaws that just annoyed the shit out of me.
But, when it comes down to it, we both have a lot to deal with in our individual lives now. For one, he's still married and I'm needing to push my divorce papers through. We both have kids, his little T is 2 years and my B is 5 years. He talks about how he knows T and B would get along so well. And, he wants a boy one day. We talk about that shit and I think I've been letting it mess with my head. It's like, he lets himself be a couple with me when he's wanting to be honest. It shows, even though he might say he doesn't remember (and that's the part where the alcohol comes in). Nonetheless, I know how he really feels and he's scared to death of it.
I kind of am, too. Last Saturday, he told me that he loved me. Under the influence, of course. But, you can't just blurt shit like that out without really feeling it. And, what can I say? He said it to me, and I was shocked, but I was feeling it, too.
Anyway, I better wrap this up before I reveal too much of my feelings for this guy. Good night, all!
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