Yeah, I caught that damn site Opinuns up and running again. I emailed them to ask what the hell happened since I was doing some decent writing for them, and then kapoot!
I have no idea if I'll hear back about what happened, or if they'll even give me another writing contract, but I gotta try, right? Even though it was celebrity gossip and my opinion, it was pretty entertaining and really tested my writing skills. It's great experience for me to gain as a published writer ... not to mention getting paid for each article. That's always nice.
I think what I really need to do is find a site, or a few that would be willing to publish some of my stories. Like, a weekly thing. I have so much in my head, and getting them all down into each book is a bit challenging at the moment since I am without my laptop. I'm a writer. How does this happen?? Ugh.
Driving me nuts right about now.
xoxo
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
So much I've missed
Looking back on 2014, I've realized how much I missed. It was a great year, don't get me wrong, it's just that while I was having such a great year in my head, I forgot to have a life here where I am. Physically.
First off, I need to apologize to my little B. I was consumed with someone who didn't really feel the same as I did. That took my attention away from her, and that's time I can never get back. Second, plans for a move can be put on hold. No pressure to be out there by the start of the next school year, and it actually feels good. A move off this island is definitely in my future, but not for a while.
It was fun making plans to be out there, but as the year was coming to an end, I was starting to have some doubts. Plan B began to form in my head as I felt SM slipping away. I started wondering what it would be like when I was finally up there. Would he actually make time to be with me? As it was the last two or so months, he barely texted and forget skyping. I had to put my big girl panties on and brace myself for a change. And, I am so glad I did.
When the break up email came, it was a shock, but the effects didn't last as long as they might have if I kept the fantasy going in my head.
Fantasy. That's all it was. A nice little escape in my head. Thinking I could change my situation and solve all my problems with a huge move like that. The change would be good, I know that, but I am glad that I made him less of a factor in my plans.
This last week has opened my eyes to the many wonderful things I had been missing here in the place that I live. In the now. I had forgotten how exciting and fun it is to actually go out with someone who lives here. Someone who wants to be in my company. Though, I love being a homebody, I enjoy going out and being among the masses, too. All the while doing it with someone I enjoy spending my time with.
Part of me wants to go off on a rant about the fantasy and reality of the sorted SM relationship that just ended. I feel duped. Like, I wasted half my year in my head with him when I could have been enjoying someone else who is physically real to me. But, I won't. That, I think, is something for my eyes only. No one needs to see it. Jumbled thoughts, random ideas and over thinking can be too much for my blog ... sometimes.
Work, thank goodness, is almost finished. Catching up on sleep is on the agenda for tonight. And, recruiting one or two new members for my clan. We need to go to war. Like, last week.
I really need to fix my laptop.
Night, readers. Xoxo
First off, I need to apologize to my little B. I was consumed with someone who didn't really feel the same as I did. That took my attention away from her, and that's time I can never get back. Second, plans for a move can be put on hold. No pressure to be out there by the start of the next school year, and it actually feels good. A move off this island is definitely in my future, but not for a while.
It was fun making plans to be out there, but as the year was coming to an end, I was starting to have some doubts. Plan B began to form in my head as I felt SM slipping away. I started wondering what it would be like when I was finally up there. Would he actually make time to be with me? As it was the last two or so months, he barely texted and forget skyping. I had to put my big girl panties on and brace myself for a change. And, I am so glad I did.
When the break up email came, it was a shock, but the effects didn't last as long as they might have if I kept the fantasy going in my head.
Fantasy. That's all it was. A nice little escape in my head. Thinking I could change my situation and solve all my problems with a huge move like that. The change would be good, I know that, but I am glad that I made him less of a factor in my plans.
This last week has opened my eyes to the many wonderful things I had been missing here in the place that I live. In the now. I had forgotten how exciting and fun it is to actually go out with someone who lives here. Someone who wants to be in my company. Though, I love being a homebody, I enjoy going out and being among the masses, too. All the while doing it with someone I enjoy spending my time with.
Part of me wants to go off on a rant about the fantasy and reality of the sorted SM relationship that just ended. I feel duped. Like, I wasted half my year in my head with him when I could have been enjoying someone else who is physically real to me. But, I won't. That, I think, is something for my eyes only. No one needs to see it. Jumbled thoughts, random ideas and over thinking can be too much for my blog ... sometimes.
Work, thank goodness, is almost finished. Catching up on sleep is on the agenda for tonight. And, recruiting one or two new members for my clan. We need to go to war. Like, last week.
I really need to fix my laptop.
Night, readers. Xoxo
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Trust your gut ...
Why do we always go against what our gut is telling us? Well, not always, but it seems more often then not.
In this case, my gut was so right on about this.
All I'm gonna say about this one is that my gut instincts were absolutely right. I had a feeling about someone I had never met. And, this was months and months ago. Now that things have been clarified in my personal life, it's so clear to see that this person was meant to be in it. Back then, the time wasn't right. And, now ....
....to be continued.
xoxo
In this case, my gut was so right on about this.
All I'm gonna say about this one is that my gut instincts were absolutely right. I had a feeling about someone I had never met. And, this was months and months ago. Now that things have been clarified in my personal life, it's so clear to see that this person was meant to be in it. Back then, the time wasn't right. And, now ....
....to be continued.
xoxo
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
When it's over ....
So, it's over. SM and I are threw.
The past few weeks have been sparse as far as communication. I had a feeling something was amiss.
He sent me an email on Monday afternoon detailing his absence due to soul searching and figuring out what was missing in our relationship. He came to the conclusion that we should just be friends. Friends.
It's Wednesday afternoon, and I have to say that I am feeling a lot better. I have requested that we talk about this since I have questions. He kind of blindsided me. As far as I knew, we were fine. Happy, even. Up until a few weeks ago.
The only thing I can think of is he felt too much pressure with my pending move out there. He said that he felt something was missing, and felt that he, rather, we gave it a good try. I disagree. Of the one year we've been together, we've spent about a month in the same place. That doesn't constitute "trying" to me. But, whatever.
I thought we were the real deal. We had talked about what our relationship was and where it was going more often then not. And, each time, we came to the conclusion that we both wanted to be together. Committed to each other. I could always tell how he was feeling just by looking into his eyes. They never lied. But, for whatever reason, he's been spooked and off he goes. There's nothing I can do about it. I rest my case as far as the relationship goes. It was a long shot doing this long distance thing. And, I fooled myself into thinking it could work. I won't make that mistake again.
This time around, it's different. I'm handling this break up differently than any other in the past few years. Maybe it's because he was a good friend before we started dating? Even though my heart is broken, I think we can be friends again down the road. I miss him, but it's not that longing for him kind of missing. I just like talking to him. I miss that. I'm more upset at myself for falling for him. And, I'm mad at him for leading me to believe that what we had was real. Far from it.
Anyway, I see him for who he really is now. It's very unattractive, and it helps as far as the healing process goes. One friend I talked to today tried to give me a little bit of hope. She was shocked when I told her we'd broken up. She said that since I'm still planning my move, that you never know what could happen since I will be up there. I told her that I didn't think so. It's hard for me to feel the way I did when the ugly side of someone I once loved comes out. Some things just can't be unseen when you see them.
I wasn't going to post about this til I felt better, but I'm feeling pretty good. So, he wasn't the one. Big deal. It's his loss, and I know he's feeling a little bit of RAGRET. (If anyone's seen We're the Millers, you'll get it) Just had to throw that one in there. Gave me a good little chuckle.
So, work is almost over, and I'm going out riding tonight. Going with someone I've known for a while via facebook and mutual riding friends. Met once in person, but didn't really get to talk. He's been there when I needed to vent or talk over the past few days. And, I'm grateful. Time to close down, and go have fun. For once.
xoxo
The past few weeks have been sparse as far as communication. I had a feeling something was amiss.
He sent me an email on Monday afternoon detailing his absence due to soul searching and figuring out what was missing in our relationship. He came to the conclusion that we should just be friends. Friends.
It's Wednesday afternoon, and I have to say that I am feeling a lot better. I have requested that we talk about this since I have questions. He kind of blindsided me. As far as I knew, we were fine. Happy, even. Up until a few weeks ago.
The only thing I can think of is he felt too much pressure with my pending move out there. He said that he felt something was missing, and felt that he, rather, we gave it a good try. I disagree. Of the one year we've been together, we've spent about a month in the same place. That doesn't constitute "trying" to me. But, whatever.
I thought we were the real deal. We had talked about what our relationship was and where it was going more often then not. And, each time, we came to the conclusion that we both wanted to be together. Committed to each other. I could always tell how he was feeling just by looking into his eyes. They never lied. But, for whatever reason, he's been spooked and off he goes. There's nothing I can do about it. I rest my case as far as the relationship goes. It was a long shot doing this long distance thing. And, I fooled myself into thinking it could work. I won't make that mistake again.
This time around, it's different. I'm handling this break up differently than any other in the past few years. Maybe it's because he was a good friend before we started dating? Even though my heart is broken, I think we can be friends again down the road. I miss him, but it's not that longing for him kind of missing. I just like talking to him. I miss that. I'm more upset at myself for falling for him. And, I'm mad at him for leading me to believe that what we had was real. Far from it.
Anyway, I see him for who he really is now. It's very unattractive, and it helps as far as the healing process goes. One friend I talked to today tried to give me a little bit of hope. She was shocked when I told her we'd broken up. She said that since I'm still planning my move, that you never know what could happen since I will be up there. I told her that I didn't think so. It's hard for me to feel the way I did when the ugly side of someone I once loved comes out. Some things just can't be unseen when you see them.
I wasn't going to post about this til I felt better, but I'm feeling pretty good. So, he wasn't the one. Big deal. It's his loss, and I know he's feeling a little bit of RAGRET. (If anyone's seen We're the Millers, you'll get it) Just had to throw that one in there. Gave me a good little chuckle.
So, work is almost over, and I'm going out riding tonight. Going with someone I've known for a while via facebook and mutual riding friends. Met once in person, but didn't really get to talk. He's been there when I needed to vent or talk over the past few days. And, I'm grateful. Time to close down, and go have fun. For once.
xoxo
Monday, December 15, 2014
Saw this coming ...
Today, one of my girlfriends had a breakdown of sorts. This being with some friends that we were all close to ... at one time not too long ago.
I don't know how to word this delicately, but I saw it coming.
It's hard to think that some people who have become so close to you in the past few years would just slowly fall by the waste-side, or kick you to the curb like yesterdays news without giving you a heads up of sorts.
This girlfriend was pretty much blindsided this past weekend, and I can't help but know what she's feeling. I've also been dropped from this group of friends, but I don't think it's for the same reason. For me, I think it stems back to the fact that I maintain good friendships with certain people that this couple doesn't like. If you ask me, that's just being stupid and childish, but this couple seems to think they're the Duke and Dutchess of Wales to all their friends. I mean, come on. There's only so much a person can take until your ego blows up so big, and then you pretty much want nothing to do with them anymore.
That's the case for me. It's sad, really. I thought these people were my friends. As did my girlfriend who got so frustrated with them today, that she created some drama which resulted in her deleting anyone having to do with this group from her social networks. But, that's not the worst of it. The chick that she reached out to basically told her that her friendship wasn't worth it, and that there was nothing left to say. Ouch. Talk about time wasted investing in a friendship you thought was genuine. Not to mention the cold-heartedness of her message. My girlfriend sent me a copy of what was said, and I felt so bad.
I talked to her later, and she says she's letting it go. But, I know it's still stewing in her mind and bothering her to no end. I feel bad, but what can you do? You can't make people like you. Especially if you don't know what happened to just make them stop talking to you.
While all of this was going on this afternoon, I contemplated sending a message to the same chick. But, what was I gonna say? Why'd you guys stop inviting me to events? How lame does that sound? I kind of already know anyway, and I really don't care to associate myself with those kind of people. If you can't accept someone for who they are, no matter what, then it's not worth it to me.
Sad to say, but I think I'm done with those people. At least for now ... until I have to be around them again. The ones I really like all moved away.
Time to leave the office. Night, readers.
xoxo
I don't know how to word this delicately, but I saw it coming.
It's hard to think that some people who have become so close to you in the past few years would just slowly fall by the waste-side, or kick you to the curb like yesterdays news without giving you a heads up of sorts.
This girlfriend was pretty much blindsided this past weekend, and I can't help but know what she's feeling. I've also been dropped from this group of friends, but I don't think it's for the same reason. For me, I think it stems back to the fact that I maintain good friendships with certain people that this couple doesn't like. If you ask me, that's just being stupid and childish, but this couple seems to think they're the Duke and Dutchess of Wales to all their friends. I mean, come on. There's only so much a person can take until your ego blows up so big, and then you pretty much want nothing to do with them anymore.
That's the case for me. It's sad, really. I thought these people were my friends. As did my girlfriend who got so frustrated with them today, that she created some drama which resulted in her deleting anyone having to do with this group from her social networks. But, that's not the worst of it. The chick that she reached out to basically told her that her friendship wasn't worth it, and that there was nothing left to say. Ouch. Talk about time wasted investing in a friendship you thought was genuine. Not to mention the cold-heartedness of her message. My girlfriend sent me a copy of what was said, and I felt so bad.
I talked to her later, and she says she's letting it go. But, I know it's still stewing in her mind and bothering her to no end. I feel bad, but what can you do? You can't make people like you. Especially if you don't know what happened to just make them stop talking to you.
While all of this was going on this afternoon, I contemplated sending a message to the same chick. But, what was I gonna say? Why'd you guys stop inviting me to events? How lame does that sound? I kind of already know anyway, and I really don't care to associate myself with those kind of people. If you can't accept someone for who they are, no matter what, then it's not worth it to me.
Sad to say, but I think I'm done with those people. At least for now ... until I have to be around them again. The ones I really like all moved away.
Time to leave the office. Night, readers.
xoxo
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Girl crush
No, I haven't kissed a girl. But every now and then, I tend to have little crushes on other girls.
It's not quite the same as having a crush on the opposite sex. At least, it isn't for me. A girl crush is something like ... I meet or see a girl, who is physically attractive to me, but as I get to know them, I find I like conversing and sharing time with them. It's friendship at it's finest, I think.
In my adult life, there have only been a rare few girls that I've been attracted to in this respect. My last girl crush, I met back in 2011. She was this beautiful, Russian that worked across the hall from me at my last firm. We got to know each other after always passing in the halls, and started hanging out ... going to lunch, first friday events, even bike nights and whatever else my crazy friends were up to. Her husband traveled a lot and was gone for months at a time, so it was fun spending weekends with her when I wasn't on a date or with my little B. But, a little over a year ago, she moved to Kansas to be with her husbands' family. I miss her, but I'll be in Colorado next year, so road trips to see each other is a definite must!
My current girl crush is this gorgeous local Korean girl. She has two other sisters close in age (we're all around the same age) but, the other two don't strike me the way she does. I mean, they're all beautiful, but my crush gives off a different vibe than the other two. She's warm and welcoming ... and spunky. Very much like myself. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to her. And, like my last girl crush, I hope this can turn into a friendship evolving passed my move ... you know, keeping in touch via text, and maybe facebook.
So, that's what I mean by "girl crush." It's not the normal kind of crush you get for the opposite sex.
I'm going to end this post here. But, if something else pops into my head, I'll post again.
xoxo
It's not quite the same as having a crush on the opposite sex. At least, it isn't for me. A girl crush is something like ... I meet or see a girl, who is physically attractive to me, but as I get to know them, I find I like conversing and sharing time with them. It's friendship at it's finest, I think.
In my adult life, there have only been a rare few girls that I've been attracted to in this respect. My last girl crush, I met back in 2011. She was this beautiful, Russian that worked across the hall from me at my last firm. We got to know each other after always passing in the halls, and started hanging out ... going to lunch, first friday events, even bike nights and whatever else my crazy friends were up to. Her husband traveled a lot and was gone for months at a time, so it was fun spending weekends with her when I wasn't on a date or with my little B. But, a little over a year ago, she moved to Kansas to be with her husbands' family. I miss her, but I'll be in Colorado next year, so road trips to see each other is a definite must!
My current girl crush is this gorgeous local Korean girl. She has two other sisters close in age (we're all around the same age) but, the other two don't strike me the way she does. I mean, they're all beautiful, but my crush gives off a different vibe than the other two. She's warm and welcoming ... and spunky. Very much like myself. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to her. And, like my last girl crush, I hope this can turn into a friendship evolving passed my move ... you know, keeping in touch via text, and maybe facebook.
So, that's what I mean by "girl crush." It's not the normal kind of crush you get for the opposite sex.
I'm going to end this post here. But, if something else pops into my head, I'll post again.
xoxo
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Another year ... come and gone!
How time has been flying. Yes, readers, I am back after a few months hiatus from my blog. I have been keeping busy with work, my little B and ... life in general.
It's already the second week of December, and I cannot believe it. Before we know it, 2014 will be over. And, I am completely unprepared for this holiday season. I'm still at the same job making peanuts, so Christmas will be very small ... gift-wise. I intend on getting B her gifts ... and, that's pretty much it. My parents, too. But, SM and I have postponed Christmas as far as the gift giving part. We're both in dire straits in regards to finances, so it's no problem for both of us to wait on swapping gifts.
SM and I have been doing very well, but his schedule at work has been changing, which means his sleep patterns are not consistent. Poor guy is tired and grumpy ... a lot. And, he's got more roomies in the house, along with more pets. While the rent is cheap, space and quiet is getting hard to come by. We skype way less than we used to, but I expected that with his work, riding, visiting family over the holidays and with the recent move of some friends to his place.
It's fine. We text a few times a day, but when we get to skype, it's so nice. Seems like a rarity these days. Our sessions have been longer and longer, but that's because we don't know when we'll be able to coordinate our schedules to skype again. Pretty sad, but like I said, I'm fine with it.
Planning another trip to Colorado, and this time with little B in tow. I'm excited to take her up there so she can see where we will be living within the next year. Shooting for March, when she's on spring break, but it might be sooner .... February. Just depends on if I can land a new job along with a few writing gigs to pay for this next trip. SM says to just save the money for the move this coming summer, but B has expressed that she would like to visit Colorado before we move there. And, I would like that too. It will also give me an opportunity to look at places and meet with a real estate guy my cousin has put me in contact with.
It's getting more exciting and I'm getting more impatient. And, my friends' wedding invites came in the mail a few days ago, so it's all getting pretty real pretty fast. That happens in May, and SM will be back then. It will be so nice to see him in February or March, then in May and then in the summer ... when we'll come up to stay!!
So, I'll be back in the next few days with another post. I just wanted to shoot this one out to let you guys know I'm still here.
Night readers! xoxo
It's already the second week of December, and I cannot believe it. Before we know it, 2014 will be over. And, I am completely unprepared for this holiday season. I'm still at the same job making peanuts, so Christmas will be very small ... gift-wise. I intend on getting B her gifts ... and, that's pretty much it. My parents, too. But, SM and I have postponed Christmas as far as the gift giving part. We're both in dire straits in regards to finances, so it's no problem for both of us to wait on swapping gifts.
SM and I have been doing very well, but his schedule at work has been changing, which means his sleep patterns are not consistent. Poor guy is tired and grumpy ... a lot. And, he's got more roomies in the house, along with more pets. While the rent is cheap, space and quiet is getting hard to come by. We skype way less than we used to, but I expected that with his work, riding, visiting family over the holidays and with the recent move of some friends to his place.
It's fine. We text a few times a day, but when we get to skype, it's so nice. Seems like a rarity these days. Our sessions have been longer and longer, but that's because we don't know when we'll be able to coordinate our schedules to skype again. Pretty sad, but like I said, I'm fine with it.
Planning another trip to Colorado, and this time with little B in tow. I'm excited to take her up there so she can see where we will be living within the next year. Shooting for March, when she's on spring break, but it might be sooner .... February. Just depends on if I can land a new job along with a few writing gigs to pay for this next trip. SM says to just save the money for the move this coming summer, but B has expressed that she would like to visit Colorado before we move there. And, I would like that too. It will also give me an opportunity to look at places and meet with a real estate guy my cousin has put me in contact with.
It's getting more exciting and I'm getting more impatient. And, my friends' wedding invites came in the mail a few days ago, so it's all getting pretty real pretty fast. That happens in May, and SM will be back then. It will be so nice to see him in February or March, then in May and then in the summer ... when we'll come up to stay!!
So, I'll be back in the next few days with another post. I just wanted to shoot this one out to let you guys know I'm still here.
Night readers! xoxo
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