Monday, January 12, 2015

So much I've missed

Looking back on 2014, I've realized how much I missed. It was a great year, don't get me wrong, it's just that while I was having such a great year in my head, I forgot to have a life here where I am. Physically.

First off, I need to apologize to my little B. I was consumed with someone who didn't really feel the same as I did. That took my attention away from her, and that's time I can never get back. Second, plans for a move can be put on hold. No pressure to be out there by the start of the next school year, and it actually feels good. A move off this island is definitely in my future, but not for a while. 

It was fun making plans to be out there, but as the year was coming to an end, I was starting to have some doubts. Plan B began to form in my head as I felt SM slipping away. I started wondering what it would be like when I was finally up there. Would he actually make time to be with me? As it was the last two or so months, he barely texted and forget skyping. I had to put my big girl panties on and brace myself for a change. And, I am so glad I did. 

When the break up email came, it was a shock, but the effects didn't last as long as they might have if I kept the fantasy going in my head.

Fantasy. That's all it was. A nice little escape in my head. Thinking I could change my situation and solve all my problems with a huge move like that. The change would be good, I know that, but I am glad that I made him less of a factor in my plans. 

This last week has opened my eyes to the many wonderful things I had been missing here in the place that I live. In the now. I had forgotten how exciting and fun it is to actually go out with someone who lives here. Someone who wants to be in my company. Though, I love being a homebody, I enjoy going out and being among the masses, too. All the while doing it with someone I enjoy spending my time with. 

Part of me wants to go off on a rant about the fantasy and reality of the sorted SM relationship that just ended. I feel duped. Like, I wasted half my year in my head with him when I could have been enjoying someone else who is physically real to me. But, I won't. That, I think, is something for my eyes only. No one needs to see it. Jumbled thoughts, random ideas and over thinking can be too much for my blog ... sometimes. 

Work, thank goodness, is almost finished. Catching up on sleep is on the agenda for tonight. And, recruiting one or two new members for my clan. We need to go to war. Like, last week. 

I really need to fix my laptop.

Night, readers. Xoxo

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