Last. Yes, for the very end. I'm talking about last night. Christmas night. One of my friends hosted a Christmas dinner for those who don't have families here on the island, and even though my family IS here, I went. I drove on my own since FB was to chauffeur his roommates. This is the dinner I talked about in my previous post. At dinner last Friday, he wasn't sure if he was going and neither was I. Finally, I made up my mind two days before that I would go.
I'm glad that I did. FB must have been online when I rsvp'd to the party invite because he responded that he'd be going a minute after I did. Figures.
The whole night was filled with fun and laughs. We sat around and talked, played games and enjoyed each others company. FB was very flirtatious from the moment I stepped in the house ... in a punk-ish sort of way. Every time I passed him by or got near him, he had to touch me somehow. And, when I wasn't near him, all I wanted to do was be in his arms. Such a fucking sap I've turned into.
These little interactions were cute, but nothing in comparison to what I wanted. I wanted to be there WITH him. But, I wasn't. I kept eyeing him ... sometimes he'd catch my eye and sometimes he wouldn't. I didn't care. He knows how I feel.
So, getting to the end of the night, he was helping his roomies pack up their stuff to leave. I was doing the same since it was late and I was going to head out after them. So, he was standing by the door about to leave and I was sitting, not about to get up. I looked at him as he looked around as if making sure they didn't forget anything. I had no intention of getting up, just saying "bye" from where I sat when all of a sudden, my body rose out of the chair and walked toward him. Before I knew what the hell was happening, I was standing in front of him and he was looking at me. I had to say something, so I asked if they had everything. He was a punk ass all night and gave me a smart ass answer, "No" and then laughed. I chuckled too, then he held his arm out to me, and I closed in, wrapping my arms around him. His other arm came around to hold me in his embrace. This is the most relaxed he's felt in my arms, and I cherished it. I wanted to stay there all night. But, we were standing in the doorway, and who knows who saw what in their minds. I really don't give a fuck, but whatever.
I followed him out the door as we were talking about movie plans and some other things. Turns out, we really didn't get a chance to talk much during the night. I felt a little tense about it, but completely relaxed when he held me. What the fuck is that??
So, they left, and about twenty minutes later, I left too. I was on Kahekili when my blasted music got interrupted twice with text messages. The first was from my cousin. The second was from him. He wanted to warn me about drunks on the road and to be safe driving. Very sweet. And, it seemed I was on his mind a lot when we weren't together which is usually the case after any event we had just come from.
That night, while trying to get to sleep, I felt an overwhelming desire to be with him. Even if it was only texting, I've never wanted to be in contact with someone SO MUCH before. I was in a very good mood prior to that, and couldn't shut my brain up about it. So, my desire to be with him finally turned to tears and I fell asleep.
I don't know what it is. I can't explain this overwhelming feeling to be with him. Just that I know that I want him in my life, and I'd do anything to make that happen.
Tonight, we were texting and I just couldn't figure out the mood he was in. Feels like he's trying to pull away again. Nothing more frustrating than to figure out how someone is feeling over a bunch of typed words. I want more than anything to talk to him, but for the rest of the night, I just let him be. We plan on going to see The Hobbit tomorrow, so I hope he's in a better mood.
Men ....
Night, readers
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