Took my breath away

January 8, 2014

It just hit me square in the chest that FB will be gone in less than a week. How did I let the time slip through my fingers? These last few weeks with him have been nothing short of amazing. We've discovered so much about each other, and how much we love to be together. 

But, it's all for what? I don't know what's going to happen now, and that scares me. He'll be thousands of miles plus an ocean away. How long will his feelings for me last? I don't want to be with anyone else, but I can't say the same for him. Because, I don't know. 
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January 15, 2014

It's been a week since I started this last post, and yes, FB is gone. He left last night. It helped that one of my cousins is visiting this week from AZ, so I've spent the last two days with her and not thinking about him leaving. 

Until last night. A bunch of us went out to Bdubs as a last dinner with FB right before he had to get to the airport. I brought my cousin along since I wanted to hang out with her too, and have few beers since we've always talked about doing that when she visits, or I visit. 

So, we get there and the group is starting to arrive, and Bdubs is CRAZY busy ... on a Tuesday night. I mean, WTF?? Waiting at the front for a table got ridiculous, so we went to the bar, and eventually kapu'd enough tables where everyone could sit. My cousin bought me my first drink, and it did the trick. I was feeling good, not sad at all the whole night. I had a great time with everyone. Right up until he started making his goodbye rounds. I texted him to save mine for the very last. 

He did. Boy, did he. 

Just about the whole group went outside, FB and I walked out together, arms around each other. Talking and joking the whole walk out. Then, some friends wanted pictures, and then he was off to get the truck. Half the group rode, so they were off suiting up which left me there with FB's roommates as they waited for him to bring the truck around. It was like a wave of emotion smashed up against me, and the water works came forth. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried my best to conceal my sobs, but it was no use. By this time, everyone saw me, but I couldn't have cared less. The truck pulls up, and he jumps out and runs over to me. His roomies make their way to the truck, and he comes up and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. 

I bury my head in his chest and let that huge sob go. And, I cried. Like a baby. His voice was comforting, and so were his words. I told him that I'm gonna miss him, and he said he'll miss me too. But, this moment could not last long since he was rushing off to make his flight. We had already kept him longer than we should have. So, he looks at me briefly, then gives me a tender goodbye kiss on my lips. Since I've only kissed him twice, I've been trying to imprint his lips on my mine in my mind. To keep it fresh, and to warm me when I'm feeling sad. 

After he left, I made my way back into the restaurant where I cried more, and tried to settle before driving home. My cousin and I sat in the parking lot for a bit, when I get a text from him ... "I'm really going to miss you." My heart jumped, so happy at his words. And, for the rest of the night, I was sad, but the worst of it had passed. 

Today, I was in a rather good mood. There were moments here and there that got me down, but I would remember that he isn't leaving me, and I'm not losing him. This is just an obstacle ... a really big obstacle that I know we can overcome. Because, like I told him, I think we could be amazing together. And, I know I'm right.