This post was written in the first week of January
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January 2, 2014
Yup, it's all out there. Everything has been laid out on the table. Our feelings are mutual. Very mutual. But, we're looking at this from opposite ends.
This passed Friday, we caught an early showing of The Hobbit at Koolau. He picked me up in his roomie's Beamer (since he sold his bike, and had to return his work truck). It's a six speed which I didn't know until I got in and noticed the stick shift. Wow, but for some reason, that's a huge fuckin' turn on for me.
So, the movie was a little crowded, no chance of making out really. But, the movie was awesome! And, I'm surprised how much I got into it with him sitting right next to me. By the end of it, I had my legs resting on top of his thigh, which was nice. We then took a little drive around and ended up at a local Mexican place. He took me down a road in Kaneohe that I'm very familiar with, and has become one of his favorite roads to ride/drive. I thought it was sweet that he wanted to share it with me since I am a fellow speed-demon.
After dinner, we took the long way home around Kaneohe Bay and He'eia Kea Pier. And, this is where I choose to state my case, as it were. I started by telling him that I had something to say and not to get mad at me. I asked if his attraction to me had gone, or is it because he's moving. Since we flirt all the time, I had to ask. He replied that it's because he's leaving, he's been trying hard to stay away from me.
I think this talk we had on that drive home was the most progress he and I have made in the last few weeks. We talked it all out. From the fact that he's trying hard not to fall for me because it would be easier to leave, to me telling him that I don't want to lose him. It was an emotional drive home, but one that we're both glad happened.
From his pov, he wants us to remain friends, because we're close and we've always been. He wants to see how things go with his move first. For all he knows, he could move and hate it ... his words. He could move back here after a while. And, I like that he said this, "I could move back here. And, you could move up there." Cause, yes I told him that I have family in Colorado, and I would try to visit. But, he's worried that if we get together, the lack of a physical relationship with me is going to tear us apart. Seeing each other who knows when? He's scared of that. I would be too, but I feel it could bring us closer. Technology today is so advanced, and we not only could talk anytime, we can facetime anytime we want. Though, he has an android, we'd have to tango chat. And, I am completely fine with that.
But, I know I can't make him see it my way just like that. He told me that he'll think about my points. And, I pointed out that we could just try. Because, honestly, I don't want anyone else. I want him. He'll be far away for an indefinite amount of time, but I think it's too late for me. I've already started to fall for him.
You know what's absolutely frustrating me about this? He likes me and I like him, and if he weren't moving, this wouldn't even be an issue. We'd already be together. He admitted it, like it wasn't even a question of could we? Or would we? Yes, we could work, and work so damn well! And, it's also frustrating that he's been trying to stay away from me because of his move. So, before he left Friday night, I didn't let him go until he did what I know he wanted to do. Kiss me.
After working my hardest EVER at being cute and irresistible, he finally gave in. Came around to the passenger side of the car where I had been standing, gave me the most meaningful hug we've had, and then rested his back up against the car, and pulled me into him. And, finally, the kiss I have been waiting over a year for. It was so much better than I had imagined. Could have turned into a full blown make out sesh, but he kept it classy, and left before it could escalate.
So, now this kiss haunts me whenever I have a spare moment to myself .... when I wake up in the morning ... when I'm falling asleep at night. It's nice to think about, but really makes me want him all the more.
Yesterday was the last day of 2013, and I spent half the day at the beach with him, and a few other close friends. We haven't gone public with what's going on with us, so we were our normal flirty friend selves the whole time. There was really no telling that we've become much more than friends, which is good. I don't know how our friends would react if they knew we're thinking about being together. Honestly, I don't really care. It's none of their business. But, saying goodbye yesterday wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I mean, after having such a meaningful Friday night, I thought I might crave a more intimate greeting and goodbye, but I was stoically fine. It was him that wanted more. We hugged good bye, arms kinda full with bags and beach chairs, so it was just a one-armed thing, but he hugged me twice .... good squeeze too. And, it's not like there were so many of us that he had forgotten he already said bye to me. In any case, it was cute. And, I miss him.
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