I know what it is now. I've figured it out! My frustrations gone ... at least, they are for now, or will be when I'm done with this post. In many of my previous posts, I've dealt with guys who come on so strong in the beginning only to fizzle out a few weeks in, and I can't help but wonder why.
Because, it's happened again. Why do guys feel so strongly in the beginning and chase you down to make you theirs? It's got to be the thrill of the chase ... it just has to be. You aren't theirs yet, so they do everything they can to impress you, to get you to turn your head their way and see them differently than any other guy around you. The chase, while I'll admit is fun, can only end in heart ache for one of the two parties.
This case, it was me, yet again. The guy chased me down. Hard. I almost feel bamboozled by his charm and intensity of the chase. On top of it, he has an accent. Ever so sexy. Hot, really hot and he knows it, but plays it off like he doesn't like the attention ... at least, not from other girls. I was the exception.
Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, and we're still friends. And, most importantly, still riding buddies. Though, we haven't gone on a ride in over a week due to some other issues. He's got some major issues. But, then we all have some kind of issue or something, right?
So, back to the story ... first few weeks were intense. Going out a lot, and spending a lot of time riding and just hanging out together. A whole lot of late nights, and I tell you, my sleeping schedule was really starting to suffer. But, I did it anyway because I really enjoyed being with him. I thought he did, too. At least he told me he did. I believed him, cause for some reason I can be a gullible sap at times. Sweet talk works on me too well. I need to debunk that shit. Anyway, he made me feel like he really wanted me, and for more than just a hang out and fun time girl. He was open about all the girlie drama in his life, and I was fine to listen to him vent, and interject my advice or opinion where I could.
Maybe it's his nature, or the fact that he's just no good at dating, but despite those things, he made me feel something. Not that I wanted more, not right now anyway. In the future, sure. I thought the possibility was there. Though, I had my guard up the whole time. I had to. It went from a year of a long distance relationship with someone I knew for so long, to dating a new guy in a matter of days. I didn't know what the hell I wanted from it all. Just the fun of being with someone new thrilled me, and the fact that he showed so much interest was a nice change of pace.
Yes, I thought it could have turned into something real down the road, but then, the issues start to show his real side. It turned ugly fast. Personality shift was just more than I could deal with. And, I have to admit that I feel like a fool.
Once again, I met the same kind of guy. One who pretended to be something he wasn't just to get my attention, only to find out that he can't handle being with me. Whether he could control it or not, he let his issues get the best of him. I would like to see him get better, and I've asked him not to push me away since I went through something similar a few years ago while dealing with my divorce and all the issues at the time. Some things just can't be helped, you have no control. Especially when you don't give yourself the time you need to heal. But, I learned that once you decide, once you make up your mind to move on, the issues disappear. I can tell him that til I'm blue in the face, but it won't make a difference until he's ready to move past it. All I can do is be a friend that's there for ... whatever. It would have been nice to have one of me when I was going through all my shit years ago.
It's just frustrating. It's not like I do things to these guys to make them so afraid to continue dating me. With me, there are no mind games, no drama. I'm straight forward with my intentions. Reminds me of this meme I came across the other day. It went something like ... "men tend to overestimate women's interest in them, and women tend to underestimate men's interest." I had to agree with it because that's just been my experience while dating. And, it really does boggle my mind because they all tell me how awesome, and hot I am, making me think they're so interested, but it gets old. I've heard it so many times before that I can see the warning signs sooner and sooner. Most times, I'm the one that starts to pull away, because I DON'T WANT TO GET HURT AGAIN. That's the main reason right there. I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I've come to almost EXPECT that the next guy will fizzle before we even get the chance to really be together. It's just no fun. It's not cool and I've had it.
So, this time, I've decided that I am done pursuing anything with anyone....
And, I have never had so much attention from the opposite sex. Do I give off some kind of scent or something? This is the second time in a month where I've literally just gotten out of "something" with a guy, and another one jumps up for the challenge. THREE to be specific. What is up with that??
You guys is gonna laugh when you hear who this next guy is. From my past, yes ... New M. Remember him? Dude that was drunk ALL THE TIME?? Well, he's been sober over a year now, and contacted me via facebook about a month ago. I was surprised since I thought I'd never see or talk to him again since he moved back to Texas.
But, this post is getting out of hand, and I need to leave the office. Will definitely continue this when I get home tonight. It's a doozy of a story!
xoxo
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