Science of my tears

Have you ever heard a song that instantly makes you cry? There are a few that touch me so, but none like this one. Coldplay's The Scientist. 

It's not just my tears, but it invokes a feeling of longing for something that just seems too far away. Something I want more than anything. Something I just can't have. Not yet, anyway. 

I don't know how else to put the science of my tears into words. This feeling comes from deep within me, and this song brings it to the surface so quickly, and instantly, I'm crying on the floor in my mind. It paralyzes me, and my eyes well up with tears, and I can't do anything to stop it. 

"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Aw, take me back to the start."

That line, I can't get it out of my head. I wonder if it means something that it's that line that sticks out in my mind? I don't know. I can't explain it. I can't explain this. But, I had to shared it on FB anyway. I don't care who sees it. I don't care what people think. I am in love with this song because it makes me feel. 

Another song that makes me teary-eyed is The Beatles' Woman. Ok, more than teary-eyes. I fricken ball when I hear this song.  And, I can't say why. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, I may have the answer. At the same time that I'm writing this blog post, I'm also writing in my journal. My journal is a place just for me. Sure, my blog is where I come to spit out a lot of stuff, but my journal? That place is the REAL me. No one shares that space, not even SM. For a long time, I didn't even want to share my blog with SM, but he's got this address now and can read any time he wants. 

But, I think I know why I just burst into tears now ... at random times, with random songs. The Scientist was a random one I heard on Pandora. At work! I listened to the words, and instantly I loved the music. Then, right there, the song spoke to my heart, and I was a goner. Every single time I hear this song now ... I'm paralyzed with a stream of tears running down my face. 

Yes, I am a sapp. And, I am also a huge nerd. And, there are songs that fill me with happiness, too. For instance, now, whenever I hear a song by CAKE, I think of SM. He knows I love that band, so on his birthday, when we were driving back from exploring in the mountains, he put on Comfort Eagle for me, and let the whole CD play over and over again. Just because it made me happy. What really made me happy was being with him ... while listening to a band we both like. 

Speaking of SM, we had a good Skype session tonight. He's got tonight off, and tomorrow night. So, we'll be skyping again tomorrow. He called me at work today ALL excited because he bought a new motorcycle. YES! I am excited for him, and for me! Cause, I get to ride that sexy bitch the next time I'm there. 

The next time I'm there ... when will that be? I am hoping, REALLY hoping it will be in September. It's still very iffy and quite high up in the air. But, I'm working on it. 

I'm working on it .... xoxo