Well, I wouldn't quite call it a haste, but more like a rash decision. Nothing is set in stone, of course, but I'm really putting a lot of thought and effort into a move.
While I was with my cousin in CO, she told me about how they came to move there after their first visit a few years ago. She told me that when I return home, I'm really going to feel it. Since, I've already been considering a move, it will be ever prevalent when I return.
She was SO. RIGHT.
After getting over the initial shock of missing SM, I felt how small this island really is. And, I've been wanting to crawl out of my own skin ever since. I absolutely did NOT want to think about coming back home while having the time of my life up there with him. And, I didn't. Not until a few days before I left. It was last Tuesday night when he was at work that it really hit me. I had to leave in a few short days. That combined with missing B was more than I could handle at the time. Tears were flowing, sobs crept out of me when I wasn't expecting it ... just an all around miserable night. I stayed up as late as I could, and when I woke again, he was there getting into bed with me. And, I have to say that is the best way to wake up. At least, it is for now.
But, how long will for now be? I've been back home for three days now. I am feeling a bit better, but my thoughts go back to Colorado every chance it gets. I love the freedom we'll have up there, and now that I know I have options ... makes me want to move in haste.
I've realized what I really want. What would make me the happiest in the whole world. And, that is to be able to work, write and come home to my two favorite people. B and SM. Everyday. That's all I want. I don't care if he and I have only been together for a few months. I've always enjoyed being in his company. And, I don't care about going out and having a super busy social life. Not anymore. I'm ready to settle down again. I'm ready to have my family, and just enjoy them. B wants a little brother or sister. I'm SO on the fence about that, but the topic is still on the table. As well as marriage. Even after being married to the biggest, nicest asshole jerk face, marriage isn't as tainted for me as I thought it would be. Not when it's with the right person. Sigh.
Talk about the big stuff being put into perspective. Do you understand my haste now?
Hah, but in all practicality, this move won't happen for a long while. I'm planning at least one more visit in a few months. Though, I will be working towards the move. You can count on that.
It's Skype time ... xoxo.
No comments:
Post a Comment