Signs, thoughts and ramblings of my mind

I haven't thought about it in a very long time, but lately ... something, rather someone, has been on my mind more often than not. 

No, I'm not talking about motorcycle guy. No ... someone I used to work with a few years ago. Since we both left the firm we were at, I've seen him a handful of times throughout the last couple years. 

Now, one of my good friends works with him downtown. And, when she first started at that company, I had a thought that maybe he's supposed to be in my life ... still. She lets me know when she sees him around the nightlife in town and always invites me. But, I never go. 

I never go. That was before. But, now ... curiosity is striking again, and I'm taking notice of signs pointing his way. 

It couldn't come at a worse time. But, that's kind of the effect this guy has. When I'm finally getting comfortable with someone new, he pops up in my life. I thought I was over it ... I thought I had finally accepted the fact that I'll never know what it's like to be with him. But, in the last few weeks, there have been pretty clear signs that it isn't over yet. I've tried to ignore them, but this last sign makes me think that something with him is meant to be. 

So, if he's really meant to be in my life, still, I can't just ignore it. There's nothing worse than wondering what might have happened if I had just given it, given him a chance. 

In my book that I'm currently writing, the main male character is modeled after this guy. One of the reasons it's been hard for me to finish this book is because it takes me back to the days that he and I had subtly flirtatious fun. The days when I knew he wanted me. Now, when I do run into him, it's kind of amazing at how I feel the same vibes I felt when we knew each other on a daily basis. 

Trying not to think about it too much, as I do have a lot on my mind at the moment. It's the holidays and there are many school activities with B, Christmas shopping and gift wrapping, coordinating projects and our Christmas luncheon at work AND, making time for a social life. It's all so complicated and hectic at this time of year. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. And, tomorrow, B and I will be heading out to Podium to watch some of the Moto Krew have some fun racing. I'm gonna bring my gear, but I don't plan on racing since I'll have B with me. Plus, I've never been so it will be nice to check it out for another racing experience. 

I'll be back later with another post. More ramblings for another day ....