When it's over ....

So, it's over. SM and I are threw. 

The past few weeks have been sparse as far as communication. I had a feeling something was amiss. 

He sent me an email on Monday afternoon detailing his absence due to soul searching and figuring out what was missing in our relationship. He came to the conclusion that we should just be friends. Friends. 

It's Wednesday afternoon, and I have to say that I am feeling a lot better. I have requested that we talk about this since I have questions. He kind of blindsided me. As far as I knew, we were fine. Happy, even. Up until a few weeks ago. 

The only thing I can think of is he felt too much pressure with my pending move out there. He said that he felt something was missing, and felt that he, rather, we gave it a good try. I disagree. Of the one year we've been together, we've spent about a month in the same place. That doesn't constitute "trying" to me. But, whatever.

I thought we were the real deal. We had talked about what our relationship was and where it was going more often then not. And, each time, we came to the conclusion that we both wanted to be together. Committed to each other. I could always tell how he was feeling just by looking into his eyes. They never lied. But, for whatever reason, he's been spooked and off he goes. There's nothing I can do about it. I rest my case as far as the relationship goes. It was a long shot doing this long distance thing. And, I fooled myself into thinking it could work. I won't make that mistake again.

This time around, it's different. I'm handling this break up differently than any other in the past few years. Maybe it's because he was a good friend before we started dating? Even though my heart is broken, I think we can be friends again down the road. I miss him, but it's not that longing for him kind of missing. I just like talking to him. I miss that. I'm more upset at myself for falling for him. And, I'm mad at him for leading me to believe that what we had was real. Far from it. 

Anyway, I see him for who he really is now. It's very unattractive, and it helps as far as the healing process goes. One friend I talked to today tried to give me a little bit of hope. She was shocked when I told her we'd broken up. She said that since I'm still planning my  move, that you never know what could happen since I will be up there. I told her that I didn't think so. It's hard for me to feel the way I did when the ugly side of someone I once loved comes out. Some things just can't be unseen when you see them. 

I wasn't going to post about this til I felt better, but I'm feeling pretty good. So, he wasn't the one. Big deal. It's his loss, and I know he's feeling a little bit of RAGRET. (If anyone's seen We're the Millers, you'll get it) Just had to throw that one in there. Gave me a good little chuckle.

So, work is almost over, and I'm going out riding tonight. Going with someone I've known for a while via facebook and mutual riding friends. Met once in person, but didn't really get to talk. He's been there when I needed to vent or talk over the past few days. And, I'm grateful. Time to close down, and go have fun. For once. 

xoxo