I've been wondering about one thing he said the very last time we talked. Wondering if he was just trying to let me down easy, lying or if he really meant it ....
He said that maybe some time down the road, we could try again.
Does that sound like a "get out of jail free" card? At the time, I didn't really think anything of it. He sounded so convincing ... like it might be a possibility. But, if he lost total interest, why would he say something like that? I did tell him that if there was someone else, he could tell me. I'd rather be hurt by the truth, then comforted by a lie. You know? He said that wasn't the case ... and I believe him.
I want to bring it up, but I don't know how to ask him without sounding like a total obsessed loser. So, I figure that I'll just leave it be. If we're meant to come back together later down the road, it will happen. No point in forcing something to work when it's not on both our parts.
Still ... I feel so alone and abandoned. I don't understand how he could just cut me out of his everyday life. Not if he still cares the way he says he did. I feel like a ghost. Like, I'm here but left to wander aimlessly without his love. That's another thing. That four letter word wasn't ever tossed around, thank goodness. I felt it, though.
So, today makes a week since it was over. I don't know what the weekend will bring, but I am glad that work will be finished soon. Nothing worse than being completely distracted while trying to do work. And, do it well. Looking forward to a nice drink after work. Mos Def.
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