The day after ....

Feeling much better today. I'm putting all that happened yesterday behind me and moving forward.

Actually, I'm in a very good mood today. This morning, B met her kindergarten teachers and had a little interview with them before starting school next week. It went well and we're excitedly awaiting her K-room assignment and kinderkamp. Mommy is already signed up to help with field trips, make special treats/foods for the kids and selling zippy's fundraiser tickets. Man, they get you quick!! Before your child is even in school!

After that, we picked up breakfast at McD's and headed in to my office. B came with me to work for the first time today, and that was exciting as well. I had her at the office for a good two hours before my parents came to pick her up. After meeting everyone in the office, she sat quietly in the conference room and colored some pictures. B was very well behaved and I was just so happy to have her with me.

So, now I have about two hours until I am done with work and I miss her. Just ate the worst bibim kook soo I've ever had and now I'll have to down a whole lot of water to get the icky sesame taste out of my mouth.

Just can't wait to leave ....

Played the Fool

Yup, I've just been played the fool by a guy I thought was my friend .... and a little more. But, I've just found out that my suspicions all along have been true. He was just using me. Never would he consider an actual relationship going past being friends, not now ... not ever.

So. I'm done letting him play me like a toy, like the fool I knew I'd turn out to be. Yet, I still let him in. The attention was nice, but that's all it was because now he has "someone" to give real attention to. And, I'm tossed out like yesterday's trash.

They say you should be cautious when entering a "friends with benefits" situation. One person will always get hurt. I didn't think about this too much since dude moved away. But, he still wanted what we had .... long distance. Contact wasn't constant, maybe we talked every couple weeks, but the interest, the attraction was all still there.

Never the less, dude led me on because he didn't tell me he was seeing someone. As his friend, I thought he'd open up and tell me something like that. In fact, I know we talked about that before. But, he's a coward by nature and I have no interest in keeping someone like that around. I said goodbye and burnt that bridge like it was going out of style.

Moving on .....

Chatty chatty bang BAM!

Yeah, I'm pretty chatty today. For some reason, it feels good to get my frustrations out in blog form. 

There's this guy ... yup, a guy. I have this mad attraction to him, but I can't explain it. We go for days without talking or texting ... and I'm fine with it. But, then he'll text me and thoughts go back to the last few times we hung out, and BAM ... small-kine explosive feelings shock through me. I think about his light touch on my body and I have to shake my head to be free of those feelings since I never see the guy. 

One thought in particular ... we were at a local noodle house getting take out. He stood behind (towers over) me while I order our food. Then, I feel it. His hand slips beneath the bottom of my tee and he softly caresses my hip and lower back. My brain goes kinda fuzzy and I just about melt before I catch myself and finish the order. 

Dude put some kind of spell on me or something because I can't shake this attraction. He's a riding buddy, too. Maybe that has something to do with it. Something about riding with him is incredibly ... sexy. And, I ride with other guys, but don't feel that way with any of them. We're all friends, but this one did something to me, and now I see him differently.

This is going to drive me a little bonkers until I ride with him again. Maybe next Friday .... just maybe. 

 

Rantings ....

Now, I'm not pointing any fingers or anything, but how often does one need to post on facebook about their vacation?? I admit, that when I go away, I'll post something everyday ... a picture or two, a status but, that's it. 

I mean, Come on! Who cares that you're packing to leave for another island today. And who cares that you're at the airport about to leave for your vacation. And who the fuck cares that your kid has new digs at the Four fucking Seasons!! Not I, sir. Not I. 

The point being that this person whom I'm ranting about isn't the only one that does it. And, not just about vacations, but some do it about their kids. Whom aren't even born yet. Unfortunately, those kind of friends get booted from my list. And, then there are the ones who are getting married. OMG ... don't EVEN get me fucking started on those shit heads. They're so called your "friends" on facebook, yet they fail to invite you to their wedding but still rub it in your face that their wedding will be the best one ever. Not for me because MINE was the best wedding ever. And, no I am not biased just because it was my own. It really was the bomb. 

Being that it was a particular case of super awesome bomb-ness, still, I kept my enthusiasm about it under wraps. No posts on Myspace (yes, myspace) every 5 minutes on how I couldn't wait to become Mrs. B and how excited I was that mainland family would be coming in soon. And, posts like "can you believe in 5 days we'll be married for forever?" Oh, please ... kill me now. Bleh. 

I suppose this stuff has been bottled up for a while, so I apologize for sounding like a horrible bitch filled with j-rage. I'm at a point in my life where I could care less if I'm hurting someones feelings with my words. In general, I am a very nice, easy to get along with kind of gal, but every now and then, the bitch slips. 

Thank you for listening to my rant ....  

Very Bad Things ...

I won't go into total detail, but I done a bad thing ... I let someone use me and now I feel terrible. 


It wouldn't be so bad if I never had to see this person again, but he rides and I really like going out on rides with him. 


This past Friday, I invited him to be my ride for the bike cruise. We had already been talking for a while ... off and on the past few months. It was fine, fun actually. We all had a great time ... but with that great time, he wanted more. And, I will selfishly admit that I sort of did, too. 


But, not as far as it went. I feel used ... and, it might be a while before I hop back on a bike with him. Sad ....

 

Chopped liver and Egyptian cotton

I'm sure you're thinking, What?! from that title, but something has been on my mind for the past few days.

Have you ever felt like you just aren't, even though you know you are, good enough? I know it's probably silly, but I can't shake this feeling that I go invisible every once in a while. It kinda sucks, but happens every now and then. 

In other news, I went hiking on Saturday. Let me tell you that this was a work out. I haven't been on a hike in a few years. We hiked to Maunawili Falls, and it was a beautiful day for it. Our group was about 25 large with 3 dogs in tow. For me, since I'm small, I had almost the full body experience ... a good hike, plus rock climbing and some swimming. 

I didn't actually swim at the falls, I mean that I FELL in the stream twice while crossing on the hike. Them some slippery rocks! And, there's one long stretch on stream and rocks and I literally felt like I was rock climbing. 

But, all in all, it was a great day and I'm so glad I went on the hike with the rest of the gang. Late that night, I went back out to meet the gang at Rock Bottom, where I haven't been in a pretty long while either. I arrived to a very chill group ... it was kind of funny. 

Tonight, I'm off to Dave and Buster's Taco Tuesday to meet up with some of my cousins. We haven't done this in a long while, so it'll be real nice to catch up and talk story. Miss them all ... And, on Thursday, I'll be taking one of my girls to an advanced screening of "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World". Looks like a solemn kind of movie, but I'm interested, none the less ... and, its free.

Friday night, we'll be cruisin' on those awesome, sexy crotch rockets. Absolutely can not wait! Then on Saturday, the long awaited "Brave" will be out and I plan on taking B to see it with M and one of my uncles. Sunday, checking out hula lessons for B and I, and possibly a workout with one of my girls. Great weekend ahead!!  

  

Weekend

What a great weekend! Not only because we had a holiday today, but all around, it was a good one. Yesterday, we had a relaxing morning and afternoon at home before taking B to the fair, this time with family. She had a great time and I even took her on the super slide. She said she loved it, even though she didn't scream on the way down and had a shocked expression on her face the whole time! It was a cool evening and, of course, there was a crowd. The little one didn't feel like eating carnival food, so she picked Wendy's for dinner. Not a bad choice at all. Burgers and frostee's all around! It was great .... 


Saturday was chore day and a graduation party ... most boring party I've ever been to. Left right after we ate dinner. But, I was happy to come home and chill with B watching one of our favorite tv series, Firefly. Yeah, they only made one season, but it was one awesome season! 


Friday night was bike night. We cruised it from Pearl City, down the H3 to Kailua and then back up to Aloha Tower. Ended out the night in Waikiki at Kelley O'Neill's where I got to see my friends' band play and just chill with some new friends. 


The ride down the H3 that night was mass chaos. It was so much fun! I usually ride up front, but that night I rode with another friend on his cruiser where we sort of ended up in the middle of a 50-bike pack. It was definitely a different experience riding in the middle of the pack, but I liked it. I think it was because everyone was trying to stay together, but it was fun to see bikers speeding up, and some others slowing down cars in the other lane so we could all sort of be together on the ride over. It didn't really matter, as long as we all got to our destination safely, which we did, though it was a real good time. 


Tonight, I'm at home about to put Serenity on and then fall asleep. Work in the morning. I suppose this long weekend has to end some time ....