Writing, writing and .... reading!

So, for this week's update, I'm happy to report that I have started on a new story for a new book. I've been brainstorming, character developing and writing. I've also started reading .... wait for it ....

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. 

Ugh, yes. I finally gave in. Curiosity got the best of me, and so I started the first book in Fifty Shades trilogy. And, I have to say that I don't know what all the hype is about. I mean, yes it's a good, twisted story and she's a great writer, but it's no different than any other romantic, erotic novel. Personally, I find the writings of Annette Blair to be much more entertaining, and heart-warming. Same goes for Kristan Higgans. 

But, while I'm only on the first book in the trilogy, I am seeing many, MANY parallels to the hugely popular Twilight saga. I read somewhere that the goal of the author was to make the story a parallel to Twilight. She has succeeded so far .... the difference being that the characters are a little older, and there's sex. And, instead of vampires and werewolves, there are college graduates and extremely successful business philanthropists. Well, one extremely successful business philanthropist who is F*CKED up to the CORE! The lead, well, she is Bella ... older. Self-absorbed, naive, aloof AND stupid. So stupid. I find myself rolling my eyes at her constantly because of the horrible decisions she makes. 

Hang on! Before you Fifty Shades fans get all upset and blast back at me, let me say that I have committed myself to reading the whole trilogy. Once started, I must finish. I'm not saying that I don't like it, I do. She's a great writer and I'm enjoying her storytelling style. It's very similar to my own. And, it's actually a pretty fast read, so I hope I get the second and third books soon. Amazon is usually pretty good about that! I also hope that the story gets better with each book. I found that to be the very opposite of the Twilight saga. I read the first one so fast, and I was totally enthralled. And, then the second book came and went. The story got incredibly boring and I got a little irritated with the characters. The third book was a bit better, but the fourth .... forget it. The story just went waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there. I can't even finish it! It's been how many years now ....?? I couldn't even bring myself to watch the last installment of the movie saga. 

So, I didn't mean to spend this post talking about Fifty Shades of a F*cktard and Twi-what?? Bahahaha! But, that's what I've been reading and I just needed to spill about it a bit. 

Still nothing on the man-front. Thank goodness. 

xoxo

Making goals and keeping them

After thinking about it for a night, I think what I originally thought might be my first published book may not be after all. I have a whole lot of ideas for stories in my head swimming around, but there's one in particular that I think may get done and published faster. 

As far as goals, I'm taking about my writing. Today, I've been brainstorming this new story and reinstating my previous goals for writing. After making a list of old and new goals, it definitely looks doable. 

At first, I'll strive to publish a small novel that's around 300 pages. I've done my research, and that seems fair for a first time writer. So, as long as I reach my writing goals everyday, I should have a finished manuscript within a year. 

Here's the kicker: I can't think about it. Not too much, anyway. If I do, my fears could get the best of me, yet again, and I might stop the process all together. Again. I can't afford to fail now. It's time to kick my fear in the face and get it done. 

I know that this blog started as an aversion to a popular media site, but it's become a lot more than that. Whether I have readers or not, I'm going to keep posting. And, now that I have a renewed passion about my writing, to keep myself going, I'm going to talk about my progress here. If anyone wants to send words of encouragement my way, I welcome it.

So, readers if you're out there, thank you for your support. I look forward to writing more, and telling you guys about it ....

Til next time ... 

Back to it!

After a long break from working on my book, I opened it up today to see what I could get done. For some reason, I find that I work best when it's cold and rainy out. What would also help ... an actual writing environment aka, a desk and comfy-ass chair. I think I might be growing up ....

So, I've been thinking a lot lately. About where I'm taking this writing of mine. I want to take it somewhere, that's for damn sure. But, I need to commit. I need to stick to the goals I set for myself. It isn't an easy road to get published and sold, but it's what I want. And, I think that might have been hindering my creative process. Over-thinking the next step in the process. 

I know I'm a good writer, I've always been good at it without thinking about it. But, lately my priorities have been out of whack. Well, not lately, but within the last year, I've been sorting through the shit, and finding out what's really important to me as far as family and work. 

My Little B is my number one. Even more so than the love of a man. It would be nice to find my Mr. Right, but it's not my main concern anymore. Dating ... who needs it. Meeting new guys, who cares. I just want to be with my daughter, and I want to do what's best for her and myself. 

And, I want to write, and I want it to be a success. Not gonna lie, I want to do a lot with my writing. Not just my blog, my book ideas and stories, but, I want to someday do screenwriting for a movie or television. Even do back story for video games. That's how much I love to write. I know I have readers out there, but I don't know who's reading because no one likes to comment. Is this what it's like to just be another nobody with a blog? Am I just sending things into the void of this vastly amassed information super highway? Can't help but wonder ....

Anyway, enough about me. The writing is what's important. And, I'm definitely working on that. 

So, it's a new day and I look forward to getting more writing done!

Ta ....

Still too soon ....

As some of my readers know, I've been on a break from dating and meeting guys. Well, I broke that rule of late and I am so happy that I did. Not.

I started talking to this guy I met on that piece of shit dating site over a year ago. Nothing ever came of our chats, except that. Chats. Not until a few weeks ago. 

We start talking again, and he mentions how he'd still like to meet. I tell him that I've been through the ringer over the last year or so, and I wasn't up to it. He said he understood, but he still wanted to, and insisted that he was not an asswipe like all the rest. At least, of the guys that I've dated. 

I take a day or two to think about it (not much, mind you), but I decide to give it a shot. He seemed nice, genuine and he was pretty cute. Is pretty cute. Tall, handsome ... looks strong. But, that's beside the point. So, we meet up. But, before we do, we chat a little more for a couple weeks. Finally, he says that he has (last) Thursday off, and asked if we could meet. I suggest a morning coffee date at Starbucks. He agrees and seems very enthused about it. 

So, after dropping B off, I arrive at my local Starbucks just a little after 8 am. I get there, and the line was just ridiculously long. Both, drive thru AND inside. So, I check my phone to see if there's any messages from him. Sure enough, there was. He texted that he woke up late, but was going to hop in the shower and head over, pushing the time back to 8:45. I tell him that I was already there, but to take his time since the line was absurdly long. Plus, I wanted to eat my bagel and cream cheese in peace. 

After getting my pumpkin spice latte and bagel, I chose a small table near the back of the establishment, and ate. Took my sweet time and really enjoyed my plain, toasted bagel smothered in cream cheese. I've been craving it for weeks. After finishing it, I start sipping on my PSL since it's had a chance to cool down. As I was sipping, I notice the group of people sitting in the front on the comfy seats had gotten up, and left. So, I quickly gather my things and move to the front. Shortly after, he arrives. We recognize each other instantly, and I get up to greet him. 

He goes to get his drink, and I wait .... and people watch. After he returns, we get comfy and start talking. It's easy talking to him, I found, and we end up chatting for over an hour. He then walks me to my car, we hug and he tells me that he'll "buzz me in a little bit." 

So, we continue a little on text, and he says that he wants to hang out more. I think, great! Because I do too. I suggest dinner and a movie some time this weekend. 

But, before we make firm plans for this, he stops by my house to see me on Friday afternoon. It was a brief visit, and we both agreed it had been nice to see each other again. That night, he went to first Friday with his friends, and I stayed in with my B. 

Next day, we chat a little bit, and he says how his day would be better if he were with me. I think, how sweet, and then start trying to firm up plans for Sunday evening. But, this gets no response ... for a whole day. I don't hear from him again until after 7pm tonight. Hello, we were supposed to already be out on the date. But, it's ok because he says he isn't feeling so hot, and he didn't mean to disappear on me. YEAH RIGHT. 

The guy is obviously not as interested in me as he or I thought. So, I text him back that I get it. And, now I'm bummed because I started to think he actually wanted to date me. Big mistake. Probably won't ever hear from him again. Yeah ..... awesome. 

Another one bites the dust. 

Goodnight. And, Fuck YOU, Sasquatch (my loud-ass snoring neighbor)

Friday the 13th ....

No, I don't believe in that superstition, but something did happen to me this morning. I spontaneously decided to hang out with one of my guy friends in Kailua. We were supposed to do something earlier this week, but that didn't happen, so he suggested that he would be off today. I said no. But, this morning, I realized my whole morning was free, so I texted and he was game. 

I got ready around 10:30 this morning, and headed out. I hadn't even pulled out on to the highway yet when my car does a shake, like when you're in 3rd gear and you come to a stop without putting the clutch all the way in. Except, I was in neutral. Then, it dies. Great. To top that spectacular thing off, it was pouring out. I started getting flustered which raised my temperature as I tried over and over to get my car started. Hazard lights on, I waved cars on that were in the back of me. Thank goodness it was a Friday morning AFTER rush hour traffic! I had a few cars stop on the side and ask if I needed help, but this has happened to me before years ago with my second car. I kept turning the key, and held the gas pedal down for a while, put it in 1st, then it was off and then back in a big circle to my house.

After pulling into my driveway, I kept the engine on to let it run and see if it was going to die again. By this time, the rain had stopped, but it was still cool out. I contemplated taking a chance and going to meet my friend, but I really felt like the universe was telling me to stay home. 

Now, this guy is the one that irks me to no end ... most of the time. And, when I cancel plans, he makes it known that he's really disappointed. Well, I guess I can't blame him, but I cancel because of very good reasons. Once, B had a cold, so no meeting up. Another time, it got too late, and it was a school night. And, then today.

I'm actually glad I stayed home. Got to catch up on reading, and took a nice long nap before I had to pick up B from school. By then, Shiro (the car) was running just fine. B and I went out for a late lunch, then to Safeway to shop for snacks to provide after her soccer game tomorrow. I almost stopped at the mall, but I thought that might be pushin' it. 

So, now I sit here, on my bed just thinking. Thinking how I miss the company of a man, a partner, someone I can confide in, and just feel completely comfortable with. And, the more I think about it, the more bummed I get. At least, that's the case tonight. I'm happy that I have my little B, but I want someone to care for me, too. Tired of having a broken family. 

Probably doesn't help that I'm reading this trilogy that has to do with 3 sisters, who are triplets, that find their true love and the family love that they've always wanted. 

 

They're heartwarming stories, but they also make me want that family love that they seek, and find. Almost done with the third book, then it's back to GOT - Game of Thrones!

So, all in all, it wasn't such a bad day .... sort of melancholy, but it's okay. There's always tomorrow .... <3

Gripe session

Yeah, that's right. I have a gripe, a bone to pick with the opposite sex. Guys, tell me why the hell is it so fun and awesome to string girls along?? 

No, no ... it's not something that's happening to me right now, but, as I look back at my dating experiences, it's something that has happened more than I would have liked. It's happened enough times where I start to see the signs earlier and earlier. 

Now, I know, boys .... the attention is so wonderful that you just can't get enough. Even though you'd never see a future with this girl, you'd still gladly use her for her fun and flirty side, and what ever else you can get from her. Nevermind the fact that she might, I don't know, have FEELINGS on the subject, or for YOU, even. Which gets stupider and stupider (I don't care if it's not a word, dammit!) because she's over here developing all these feelings of like, and maybe even love, and you boys are all over there, thinking how much more can I squeeze out of this pathetic life form?? And, then, when you're confronted about what's going on, you say "oh, I don't know. I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think we feel the same." But, you're thinking that if you give her enough time, you can still win her over, and then play her for the fool you think she is. And, all this while you keep your eye out for someone worth giving your all to. UGH ... 

Having fun is one thing. Making that clear from the very beginning, totally different. When I am about to go into a relationship, or even dating someone, I make sure my intentions are crystal clear. Though, as I think back on it now, it really didn't matter to the other person what my intentions were. Sigh. Piece of shit. 

What I'm saying is, guys, please do us all a favor and know what the hell it is you want from the get-go! Be open about your intentions, and nevermind that you may or may not get rejected! Who freaking cares. You're a man, you're resilient, so just move on if the girl you are currently pursuing doesn't want to be treated like a chew toy! And, if she doesn't mind, more power to you. But, as for me and probably a lot of girls out there, WE DON'T WANT IT! So take your toys and your fun and get the hell away from me! I am a lady and I deserve to be treated with respect, dammit! 

There, I said it. End gripe. 

Last Friday

Sooooo, as promised, here's a little recap of bike night last Friday. 

Foodie buddy and I met up at the usual spot before we all rolled out that night. Usually, he rides upfront with the leader of the pack. Every one of the bike nights I've gone to, he's at the head of the pack. 

But, not this time. While everyone suits up, revs their engines, he waits for me to board his ride, and I do ... not taking too long. So, I expect him to ride up to the front, but he lets everyone else go in front of him. Ok, suspicious-balls.

Right from the start, his ride is rough. I mean, it usually is, but tonight, it felt even more so .... like he had an edge, a side of him I've never seen before ...Saturday ride-man. Guy LOVES to ride, that much is clear, and he's a very experienced rider, and one of the only guys I really trust to ride with. Hell, he's even going to teach me to ride when I get my bike! 

So, right from the start, we're charging down the highway to the first freeway exit. I'm holding on a little more than usual, and thinking that maybe I just haven't gone on a ride with him for so long that I'm not used to his intensity. That, and I totally forgot about the hand-taps!! DUH! As we're entering the freeway, he takes advantage of the full turn and speed ... and, here, I thought I was going to die. I was locked in tight, but my legs were gonna give since my ass was slipping off the seat! Not very comfortable AT ALL! 

We level out, and catch up with the pack on the freeway. It's barely 9 at night on a Friday, so traffic is pretty heavy around us. No room to blast off. I thank the Lord, and relax just a little. 

Getting to the next exit, there were no crazy turns, but at the stop light, the visors go up and he turns to me. I say "Everything ok???" And, he goes "Yeah, you alright back there?" So, I tell him that I nearly flew off at the first freeway exit, and he cracks up! "I tapped your hand, and you were locked in tight," he says with a smile. Damn that smile. He's wearing a helmet, but dude still looks good in it! Anyway, he asks why I asked if everything was ok, and I reiterated my almost dying on that turn. He laughed again. Always joking, this guy.

So, the light turns green and we start heading for Pali and the windward side. It was a pretty mellow ride right until we reached the bottom of the Pali and started the climb. Other bikers around us start doing wheelies and other stunts, and I just know what's going through his head. He wants to stunt too ... dammit! And, a few seconds later, the hand-tap comes, this time harder so he knows I feel it, and in no time, we're taking off on the back wheel of his ride. This, wasn't so bad since we've done wheelies before. I know how to hold him for that. But, on the downside of the Pali, there's a huge left hook turn, and when he started to let the group get away, and gap some space between us and everyone else, I knew it was coming. Hand-tap, and then he took off in a hard, left tilting turn! 

Let me just say that I have done turns with him and other bikers, but NEVER as intense as this. My ass actually had to leave the seat to get the bike down. We've talked about it before so I knew what to do. I followed his lead, rather, his ass and both of our butts left the seat. It. Was. CRAZYBALLS! Never, have I done such an intense turn. OHHHH, but that wasn't ALL. First meeting point was at the bottom of the Pali, or the top of 13 turns. Again, we trailed the pack, and he slowed up while the other bikes pulled in. At this point, you can either go up and park, Or, you can take a ride down the 13 turns. Guess which one we did ....?!?!?! 

I've been down 13 turns on a bike before, in a car, many times. But, this ride was a hell of a lot different than all those times put together. Holy crazy shitballs. I really thought I was going to fly off the bike, head first and die. Those turns taken at a high speed are damn intense. I held on for dear life as gravity tried desperately to pull me to the ground. I don't think my ass was properly on the back seat that whole ride down. He lifted off to the right, so did I, then immediately to the left, then back again. It seemed to last forever, but finally ended when he stopped at a stop sign in the neighborhood. I pushed my visor up and padded his back. He asked how I liked it. HAHA! I had to confess and tell him that I was not up for such an intense ride. But, to him, it was hardly anything fast. And, then he goes "I thought you loved that stuff," so I answered that YES, I do, I just wasn't feeling like a speedy demon that night. 

And, so after I asked him nicely, we cruised the rest of the ride. Oh, that was so nice and exactly what I wanted. I could relax, put my hands somewhere other than locked around him, and just breath. 

That night, after I got home, I crawled into my bed where my little B was asleep, and just held her. I thanked God that I got home to her safely, and in one piece that night <3<3