Friday the 13th ....

No, I don't believe in that superstition, but something did happen to me this morning. I spontaneously decided to hang out with one of my guy friends in Kailua. We were supposed to do something earlier this week, but that didn't happen, so he suggested that he would be off today. I said no. But, this morning, I realized my whole morning was free, so I texted and he was game. 

I got ready around 10:30 this morning, and headed out. I hadn't even pulled out on to the highway yet when my car does a shake, like when you're in 3rd gear and you come to a stop without putting the clutch all the way in. Except, I was in neutral. Then, it dies. Great. To top that spectacular thing off, it was pouring out. I started getting flustered which raised my temperature as I tried over and over to get my car started. Hazard lights on, I waved cars on that were in the back of me. Thank goodness it was a Friday morning AFTER rush hour traffic! I had a few cars stop on the side and ask if I needed help, but this has happened to me before years ago with my second car. I kept turning the key, and held the gas pedal down for a while, put it in 1st, then it was off and then back in a big circle to my house.

After pulling into my driveway, I kept the engine on to let it run and see if it was going to die again. By this time, the rain had stopped, but it was still cool out. I contemplated taking a chance and going to meet my friend, but I really felt like the universe was telling me to stay home. 

Now, this guy is the one that irks me to no end ... most of the time. And, when I cancel plans, he makes it known that he's really disappointed. Well, I guess I can't blame him, but I cancel because of very good reasons. Once, B had a cold, so no meeting up. Another time, it got too late, and it was a school night. And, then today.

I'm actually glad I stayed home. Got to catch up on reading, and took a nice long nap before I had to pick up B from school. By then, Shiro (the car) was running just fine. B and I went out for a late lunch, then to Safeway to shop for snacks to provide after her soccer game tomorrow. I almost stopped at the mall, but I thought that might be pushin' it. 

So, now I sit here, on my bed just thinking. Thinking how I miss the company of a man, a partner, someone I can confide in, and just feel completely comfortable with. And, the more I think about it, the more bummed I get. At least, that's the case tonight. I'm happy that I have my little B, but I want someone to care for me, too. Tired of having a broken family. 

Probably doesn't help that I'm reading this trilogy that has to do with 3 sisters, who are triplets, that find their true love and the family love that they've always wanted. 

 

They're heartwarming stories, but they also make me want that family love that they seek, and find. Almost done with the third book, then it's back to GOT - Game of Thrones!

So, all in all, it wasn't such a bad day .... sort of melancholy, but it's okay. There's always tomorrow .... <3

Gripe session

Yeah, that's right. I have a gripe, a bone to pick with the opposite sex. Guys, tell me why the hell is it so fun and awesome to string girls along?? 

No, no ... it's not something that's happening to me right now, but, as I look back at my dating experiences, it's something that has happened more than I would have liked. It's happened enough times where I start to see the signs earlier and earlier. 

Now, I know, boys .... the attention is so wonderful that you just can't get enough. Even though you'd never see a future with this girl, you'd still gladly use her for her fun and flirty side, and what ever else you can get from her. Nevermind the fact that she might, I don't know, have FEELINGS on the subject, or for YOU, even. Which gets stupider and stupider (I don't care if it's not a word, dammit!) because she's over here developing all these feelings of like, and maybe even love, and you boys are all over there, thinking how much more can I squeeze out of this pathetic life form?? And, then, when you're confronted about what's going on, you say "oh, I don't know. I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think we feel the same." But, you're thinking that if you give her enough time, you can still win her over, and then play her for the fool you think she is. And, all this while you keep your eye out for someone worth giving your all to. UGH ... 

Having fun is one thing. Making that clear from the very beginning, totally different. When I am about to go into a relationship, or even dating someone, I make sure my intentions are crystal clear. Though, as I think back on it now, it really didn't matter to the other person what my intentions were. Sigh. Piece of shit. 

What I'm saying is, guys, please do us all a favor and know what the hell it is you want from the get-go! Be open about your intentions, and nevermind that you may or may not get rejected! Who freaking cares. You're a man, you're resilient, so just move on if the girl you are currently pursuing doesn't want to be treated like a chew toy! And, if she doesn't mind, more power to you. But, as for me and probably a lot of girls out there, WE DON'T WANT IT! So take your toys and your fun and get the hell away from me! I am a lady and I deserve to be treated with respect, dammit! 

There, I said it. End gripe. 

Last Friday

Sooooo, as promised, here's a little recap of bike night last Friday. 

Foodie buddy and I met up at the usual spot before we all rolled out that night. Usually, he rides upfront with the leader of the pack. Every one of the bike nights I've gone to, he's at the head of the pack. 

But, not this time. While everyone suits up, revs their engines, he waits for me to board his ride, and I do ... not taking too long. So, I expect him to ride up to the front, but he lets everyone else go in front of him. Ok, suspicious-balls.

Right from the start, his ride is rough. I mean, it usually is, but tonight, it felt even more so .... like he had an edge, a side of him I've never seen before ...Saturday ride-man. Guy LOVES to ride, that much is clear, and he's a very experienced rider, and one of the only guys I really trust to ride with. Hell, he's even going to teach me to ride when I get my bike! 

So, right from the start, we're charging down the highway to the first freeway exit. I'm holding on a little more than usual, and thinking that maybe I just haven't gone on a ride with him for so long that I'm not used to his intensity. That, and I totally forgot about the hand-taps!! DUH! As we're entering the freeway, he takes advantage of the full turn and speed ... and, here, I thought I was going to die. I was locked in tight, but my legs were gonna give since my ass was slipping off the seat! Not very comfortable AT ALL! 

We level out, and catch up with the pack on the freeway. It's barely 9 at night on a Friday, so traffic is pretty heavy around us. No room to blast off. I thank the Lord, and relax just a little. 

Getting to the next exit, there were no crazy turns, but at the stop light, the visors go up and he turns to me. I say "Everything ok???" And, he goes "Yeah, you alright back there?" So, I tell him that I nearly flew off at the first freeway exit, and he cracks up! "I tapped your hand, and you were locked in tight," he says with a smile. Damn that smile. He's wearing a helmet, but dude still looks good in it! Anyway, he asks why I asked if everything was ok, and I reiterated my almost dying on that turn. He laughed again. Always joking, this guy.

So, the light turns green and we start heading for Pali and the windward side. It was a pretty mellow ride right until we reached the bottom of the Pali and started the climb. Other bikers around us start doing wheelies and other stunts, and I just know what's going through his head. He wants to stunt too ... dammit! And, a few seconds later, the hand-tap comes, this time harder so he knows I feel it, and in no time, we're taking off on the back wheel of his ride. This, wasn't so bad since we've done wheelies before. I know how to hold him for that. But, on the downside of the Pali, there's a huge left hook turn, and when he started to let the group get away, and gap some space between us and everyone else, I knew it was coming. Hand-tap, and then he took off in a hard, left tilting turn! 

Let me just say that I have done turns with him and other bikers, but NEVER as intense as this. My ass actually had to leave the seat to get the bike down. We've talked about it before so I knew what to do. I followed his lead, rather, his ass and both of our butts left the seat. It. Was. CRAZYBALLS! Never, have I done such an intense turn. OHHHH, but that wasn't ALL. First meeting point was at the bottom of the Pali, or the top of 13 turns. Again, we trailed the pack, and he slowed up while the other bikes pulled in. At this point, you can either go up and park, Or, you can take a ride down the 13 turns. Guess which one we did ....?!?!?! 

I've been down 13 turns on a bike before, in a car, many times. But, this ride was a hell of a lot different than all those times put together. Holy crazy shitballs. I really thought I was going to fly off the bike, head first and die. Those turns taken at a high speed are damn intense. I held on for dear life as gravity tried desperately to pull me to the ground. I don't think my ass was properly on the back seat that whole ride down. He lifted off to the right, so did I, then immediately to the left, then back again. It seemed to last forever, but finally ended when he stopped at a stop sign in the neighborhood. I pushed my visor up and padded his back. He asked how I liked it. HAHA! I had to confess and tell him that I was not up for such an intense ride. But, to him, it was hardly anything fast. And, then he goes "I thought you loved that stuff," so I answered that YES, I do, I just wasn't feeling like a speedy demon that night. 

And, so after I asked him nicely, we cruised the rest of the ride. Oh, that was so nice and exactly what I wanted. I could relax, put my hands somewhere other than locked around him, and just breath. 

That night, after I got home, I crawled into my bed where my little B was asleep, and just held her. I thanked God that I got home to her safely, and in one piece that night <3<3

Confused & Tired

Ever get so tired of throwing hints at someone trying to let them know that you're into them? Well, that's so totally the case tonight.

For the passed few months, I've been content not dating and not being interested in anyone. But, tomorrow night, I'm riding with my foodie buddy again. We made a plan to hit up the next bike night together about a week ago, and it's coming up tomorrow ... well, later tonight.

SO, tonight when I texted him the plans for meeting up and drop off, he said it sounds good. Actually, he worked out the ride plans, and I just had to confirm. So, yes, I texted back that I am excited and ready to ride! He says he is too, BUT the only reason he's going to this one is cause I asked him. HUH??

He tells me it's a long story, and that he was going to skip the next few bike nights. So, I'm a little baffled because dude never skips a bike night, only for family events or emergencies. 

Sigh. Can you tell, I'm still into the guy?? Well, apparently he can't see it anymore than he did before. So, after I gave him the option to share his long story, he said he didn't want to. And, that's fine. But, now I feel like I've forced him to go and be uncomfortable .... even though he says it's all good.

I guess we'll see. Slam it.

Night, my readers <3

Return of the Asshat

So, last night I get this text from an unknown number. It was a friendly hello, so I answered back with hi. I tried to think who it could be since I've deleted a lot of the guys I dated/talked to from the past 2 years. So, after I answered with "hi" I get a picture message back from this person.

It's a picture of HIS JUNK! Who do I know that sends me pics of his dong when I don't even ask NOR do I want to see it?? Yup, the Asshat. He's back. Anyway, the rest of the text convo went like this ....

I have to say that this guy has got some balls. Literally ... haha, kidding. But, seriously. To take a chance and text someone you haven't talked to or even MET in person after not having any contact for months and months?? Balls.

As you can see from our text message, I didn't stand to talk to this pig for long. Memory of his quick temper, text messages of his crude nature that always turned to ridicule, and then endless phone calls that go straight to my voicemail .... I was not excited to experience THAT again. 

I thought I handled it quick and rather cleverly, if I do say so myself. And, after months and months of not dating, not talking with guys or meeting anyone new, I realize that the amount of bullshit I'm willing to take from the opposite sex is zero to none. Shitty for any potential suitors, I know. But, it's what happens after you grow out of a phase, I guess. 

A phase. I guess that's all it was. After being with one man all through my twenties, I felt it was time I went out and enjoyed life as a single person. Doing what I wanted and seeing what potential lies out there with other people. Got my heart smashed a lot, but I suppose that's the price I paid for the experience.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very glad to have had the life I lived in the last 2 years, but I guess I'm saying that I'm over it. I'm tired. I still love to spend time with my friends, but most of all, I love being with my daughter. She is my light and my love. She only has one parent, and it's up to me to make it up to her because she has no real daddy to count on. 

With that said, I'm contemplating revealing a bit more about myself to you readers. I'm thinking in my next post ....

xoxo

A Re-vist from my past

And, it's not a very good one, actually. Have you ever known someone that asked the dumbest questions, that you think if you could, you'd reach through your phone and ring their neck? Tis the case with this guy I'm sort of talking to at the moment.

I knew him years ago, and after I broke his heart, and he obliterated mine, I moved on. WAY on. 

When he resurfaced in my life about a year and a half ago, I thought, why? This guy could not STILL have those kind of feelings for me. But, after chatting with him for a while, I find out that, yes, he's still got something for me and it sort of took me by surprise.

All that time that I spent trying to get over him, trying not to care about him or what he was doing, where he was and who he was with was definitely time well spent, because I couldn't be MORE over the moon about being over this guy. The day I decided I was done with him, I was. Truly and completely. 

But, now we're in each other's lives again. Just text friends, but he wants more than that. And, I thought about it while I was traveling. I thought that it was nice to be alone and single, but he might make a good partner. A good guy to come home to after a long day. 

And then ... we start talking. And, he drives me UP THE WALLS with his insipid questions about what I'm doing and where I am. Who I'm with and if I'm having a good time. Do I miss him?? Yada, yada, yada. 

Then, I think ... I cannot do this. Not with him. How can I go backwards?? It's like trying to eat my own shit and drink my own puke. Not gonna happen. Makes me crazy. So, sorry guy but you have been 86'd!

I dare say this won't be the only post devoted to sir dumb-dumb, but we shall see. Damn. 

Summer break is done ....

Hey there my lovely readers! Yes, it's true. Another enjoyable summer has come to an end, and here we are, staring into the face of the latter part of the year. 

Where to begin?? My summer started with a bang! I haven't rode all that much, but I did travel for almost a month. Taking the kid to Oregon for a family trip to see one of my cousins graduate from the U of O, and then it was off to California to enjoy a Disney family adventure. Also stopped into San Diego for a day to visit Shamu. 

One of my riding buddies moved up there while I was there, but didn't get to meet up, but that's alright. Still had a nice time in the land of Shamu.

What has everyone else been up to? My little B has been taking swim lessons for the summer, and we get out to the beach or M's pool as much as we can. Last Saturday, we went out to the sandbar and spent the afternoon swimming and having a blast. Just about all of my little cousins came out, and even brought some of their friends. That evening, we had a nice get together with the whole family before all the kids went their separate ways ... again. 

For me, I am currently a stay-at-home mom. And, that's just fine with me. I got laid off, but it hasn't stopped me from pursuing things that I love. Besides a lot more quality time with B, I have time to spend catching up on my reading and writing. True, I haven't posted here for a few months, but I am back. 

This past Friday, I got to ride with one of my buddies for bike night. He recently bought a Honda cruiser, so it was a nice and comfy ride for me. We met up with the usual gang, and rode around before ending the night at Hooters. Lots of fun, most definitely!

So, that's my summer summed up ... mostly!